(Closed) Like to be called Mrs. Hisfirst Hislast? Or does that rub you the wrong way?

posted 10 years ago in Names
  • poll: How do you feel about being addressed as Mrs. Hisfirst Hislast (or Mr. and Mrs. Hisfirst Hislast)?

    I HATE it. It is an outdated, sexist custom.

    I don't like it much, but I realize a lot of people still use it and I can deal with it.

    I'm OK with it. It's just the custom and still consdered the technically correct form of address.

    I LOVE it. I love when I get mail addressed like that!

  • Post # 18
    Member
    541 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: March 2011

    I hate it! I am also adamant about whoever will first announce us as a married couple say “mr and mrs hisfirst and myfirst hislast” rather than “mr and mrs hisfirst hislast.” I also think it’s weird that divorced women keep their ex’s last name. I would change it back asap.

    Post # 19
    Member
    2206 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: July 2010

    @ serasvictoria: I understand what you are saying. I personally don’t put a lot of stock in traditions if I don’t connect with the traditions. This just happens to be one tradition I find incredibly insulting.

    Post # 20
    Member
    2394 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: April 2010

    Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaate it.  I’ll deal with it for formal invitations and related correspondence because in those cases people are likely just trying to follow the rules, but in person?  I’d definitely say something.

    Post # 21
    Member
    120 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: April 2010

    I am in the “It’s a Newlywed thing” camp :-).

    Before I was married, I found it rather offensive, and I would never address anyone else that way (unless of course they ask me to, which in my circle, no one ever did, most people find it offensive too). Then right after I was married, I was so overwhelmed by the joy and happiness of it all, I was so happy every time I received anything addressed to us as Mr. and Mrs. Now, 3 months after the wedding, I don’t care for it anymore. I don’t mind it as much as I once did. But I would never choose to be addressed as Mrs. Hisfirst Hislast. 

    Post # 22
    Member
    2392 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    I find it thoroughly unacceptable.  To the point where I would probably tear anything in half in anger if it were addressed that way.  I mean, only once, so I could still read it if it was important, but my blood boils and my palms sweat in anger just thinking about it.  I know we might have some older relatives who think it’s cute to call me that… I have to keep reminding myself it is not ok to be violent with old people.

    I might be exagerrating a little, but I have to say that one of my favorite things about my decision to keep my last name is that this will never be the correct form of address for me. 

    Post # 23
    Member
    1023 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2010

    I hate it. I try not to get too heated though because that just convinces the other person even more that I’m a “crazy feminist” which is only more infuriating because since when is wanting to be called by my own name crazy and whats wrong with feminism. haha. I to plan on lightly correcting though.

    Post # 24
    Member
    1003 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    View original reply
    @Bamboo: Ah being called a crazy feminist. People say it like it is a bad thing. lol.

    Post # 25
    Member
    7172 posts
    Busy Beekeeper

    I love it and I’m not even legally changing my name to his – haha!

    Post # 26
    Member
    612 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2010

    Just a question….do any of you get offended when people call you HisFirstName’s Wife instead of using your first name? If not, then why does the formal version of that very same thing offend you?

    Post # 27
    Member
    1585 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    I do not like but my Fiance really hates it!

    Post # 28
    Member
    2214 posts
    Buzzing bee

    @serasvictoria: If someone doesn’t know me but knows my future husband and introduces me as HisFirst’s wife, then that’s fine ONCE.  I would smile and say, “My name is MyFirst.”  I would find it very rude and offensive to just be referred to as HisFirst’s wife all the time or if the person already knows my name.

    Post # 29
    Member
    1108 posts
    Bumble bee

    I strongly dislike it.  I guess my reasonings lean toward it being sexist, but more I feel it’s because that taking Mrs. His-full-name seems like it is wiping away who she was beforehand, and I guess because I always see it as “Mrs. Groom wore a gown, blah blah blah, blah blah, blah!” and it just seems a bit odd to announce a marriage in the paper if you are going to have a big ol’ picture of the new Mrs. Groom, but not who she was beforehand, and especially when the description of the gown seems more important than the woman who is having her marriage announced.

    I will probably change my name after marriage, I have no problem with that, but my announcement will totally be “She entered the venue Miss surkim, and exited Mrs. BF”

    In a rant, I once told Boyfriend or Best Friend that I wasn’t going to be Mrs. Boyfriend or Best Friend, he was going to be my Uncle Fester and become Mr. surkim.

    Post # 30
    Member
    403 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2010

    I hate it! My cousin’s wife RSVP’d as Mr. and Mrs. John Smith. Since I can’t remember her name, for all intents and purposes it’s like she’s not important enough to warrant me knowing or acknowledging her name. To me, it’s a total sublimation and loss of her identity as an individual to that of being identified solely by who she happened to marry. That’s not to say there’s anything wrong with enjoying that, it’s just SO not my thing.

    But then again, I’m also the type that plans to keep her name after the wedding. 😉

    Post # 31
    Member
    2392 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    View original reply
    @serasvictoria:  It depends on the circumstance.  If it’s purely descriptive (This is R.  She is M’s fiancee.) then it’s fine.  But if it’s being used in place of my name (let’s invite M and his fiancee to dinner) then it is offensive, because I’m being seen as an attachment to him rather than my own person.  If that’s what being married meant, then I would stay single. 

    Note that if it’s someone who knows him but really doesn’t know me well, I’m kind of ok with it because I assume that they probably forgot my name.  It’s when someone who clearly should know my name thinks that it’s cute and appropriate to think I’ve been subsumed into a role as his partner that I have a problem.

    (and don’t take this as an attack on anyone who is OK with being called Mrs. Husband’s Name.  I’m just trying to answer your question and explain why I’m not.)

    The topic ‘Like to be called Mrs. Hisfirst Hislast? Or does that rub you the wrong way?’ is closed to new replies.

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