(Closed) Limit Guests bringing guests

posted 9 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
5889 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2012

i’d be a little put off if i got this message.  i think you should just address the envelope to whomever is invited (i.e. Mr. John Smith or Mr. John Smith and Guest).  if people rsvp for more than they are allowed, you will have to call them and politely tell them you are unfortunately unable to cater to guests of guests.  another way to do it would be to have a line on the rsvp that says ___ of ___ will be atttending, and just fill out the second blank.

Post # 4
502 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

On our invations we had a space that said ___ seats have been reserved in your honor and I wrote the number in for each group. It lets them know that only those who were addressed are invited and that they only have so many seats. Everyone understood and there were no complaints, but people did substitute, lol. My one cousin couldnt come so his sister brought her boyfriend.

My situation was we invited 200 were hoping for around 150 and the venue didnt hold much more then that comfortably. So we had to.

Post # 5
1920 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

I’ve never heard of someone having to bring their tickets with them to a wedding. Will you have a “bouncer” at the door checking tickets? What if a family member who was clearly invited forgets their ticket? IMO this approach is a little extreme.

I think putting on the RSVP card we have reserved 2 seats in your honour and asking for the guests names is sufficient enough for people to realize if they are allowed to bring a guest or not.

Post # 6
149 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

@FutureJefferson: I’m in a similar situation.  We are asking people (close friends and fam) ahead of time if they think they will come and if so, are they bringing a date?  Then we can invite people accordingly.  Unfortunately, there may be some people that don’t get invited depending on how many people plan to come.

We may do a secondary guest list (after we recieve rsvps that some can’t attend we will send out another set of invitations).  SHHHH!

Post # 8
4137 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

i would not do tickets…it’s a wedding, not a carnival. my suggestion is the same as pp’s…use the “we have reserved __ seats in your honor” on your rsvp.

Post # 9
149 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

@Mrs. Meowerson: Basically.  If we ask someone in advance if they are coming and they say they can’t, then we are crossing them off the guest list.  we are only asking close friends and relatives in advance, not everyone!

Post # 10
1876 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

Please please please don’t do tickets. That will make guests feel very uncomfortable. If someone RSVPs yes then of course they are coming. If someone RSVPs no – then no they aren’t coming. Yes – you might end up having some last minute cancellations – so even if someone who rsvp’d no ended up showing up – you’ll have space for them. But you hardly ever hear about people rsvpign no and then randomly showing up.

Just go the traditional route:

X Number of Seats have Been reserved in your honor

If you even want to go further you can write out the names individually and have guests circle their answer. This way there is no confusion on who is invited and with how many quests (if any).

Mrs. X Will Be Attending Will Not Be Attending

Mr. X Will Be Attending Will Not Be Attending

Post # 11
149 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

It seems like this is too complicated.  The way you should send them out is to address them to the people you are inviting only.  The RSVP card should have a place where they say whether or not they are attending and also a place where they write how many are attending.  Simple!

Post # 12
3048 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 1991

Wow, I would not do this! It seems extrememly wordy and rude. I understand you don’t want people to bring extra guests. But that is what RSVPs are for. If they add an extra person, you call them and tell them that you can only invite them. That’s when you can explain your situation. If you want to know who they are bringing, the RSVP card can have a blank space for who the attendee will be. Please do not give them tickets. That just seems tacky as well. Also… in between the time they receive the tickets and go to your wedding, those tickets may be lost.

What you could do is make any univited guests feel awakward. You can do this at the ceremony (this sounds awful). But basically on your Ceremony Sheet tell the guests that Reception to Follow for Invited Guests, or something like that. I don’t know the exact wording (talk to a stationer) but they could help you with that. I’ve seen it done a few times at weddings and whoever was not invited got the message.

Post # 13
9053 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2010

I don’t see the need for the tickets?  I think if you address some of your invites to “soandso and guest”, or just “soandso” people do get the point.  I think if you just do the “# of seats have been reserved in your honour” or have the guests send you the names of people who are attending.

That said, I DID have to have tickets, so if you’re set on that idea, this is how it worked for us.  Our wedding was hosted in a show garden that requires payment to enter.  The tickets were given to our guests to show that they had been paid for by us at the front gate.  I believe they just said “please present this ticket for admission to the garden”.  The gate also had a list from me with the names of all our guests in case someone forgot.

Post # 14
646 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Have you considered online RSVPs? They can limit the number of guests each invitee can respond for… Also, you could consider printing custom RSVP’s for each invitation, which could have a box to check for “1” or “2” or “Regrets.”

Post # 15
4 posts
  • Wedding: March 2013

wow, this is the most bizarre thing i’ve heard…. tickets to a wedding.  Given that a wedding is not a ‘show’, its a union between two people who want to spend the rest of their lives together, then I dont think tickets are a good idea.  

When you say you want to limit the number of people allowed to bring guests… ask yourself why are you allowing your guests to bring their own guests?  If your invitees are bringing their own guests, sounds like you may not even know the added guests… why would you forfeit a place at your wedding for someone you dont know over the place of friends whom you said you cant invite.

Our budget is quite tight too, so our rule is simple, if we havent met the person before, dont invite them.  

Also, can you cut down on family members?  Its a modern notion to just invite the Aunties/Uncles on behalf of that particular family (dont invite the cousins if you are not close with them).  

Also, if you have a friend who has a new boyfriiend/girlfriend, dont invite the new bf/gf.  If they are a true friend then it wont matter.  

One thing i have learnt while preparing my guest list is that “add-on’s” can sometimes fill up half your guest list, and you havent even met them before!

Good luck! 

Post # 16
241 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I would agree with what’s been said before, that this sounds a little weird to me.  If you are going to tell them anything, tell them to read up on guest ettiquette here: http://www.emilypost.com/guests

Best wishes for a beautful day and bright future!

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