(Closed) Listen to Abusive Boyfriend about Guestlist?

posted 5 years ago in Family
  • poll: How would you handle it?
    Not invite the brother : (11 votes)
    12 %
    Not invite the boyfriend : (26 votes)
    28 %
    Invite everyone and hope for the best : (56 votes)
    60 %
  • Post # 3
    11272 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: April 2012

    @HonoraryNerd:  is your wedding date posted correct?  if so, you have over a year to decide this.  here’s hoping that after your sister’s “just one more year”, she will come to her senses and they won’t even be together.

    Post # 4
    2869 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    Eeeek what a terrible situation! It seems to me like he is trying to bully you the same way he bullies/abuses your sister, and personally, I would REFUSE to give in to that BS.  I’d call his bluff; invite who you want to your wedding, and hope that he doesn’t follow through on the threat, or that she has left him by then.  As PP said, is your date correct?

    Post # 7
    5883 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: October 2010

    @HonoraryNerd:  Your sister is in a dangerous situation. Why would you do something to put her in harms way? Just to prove a point?

    Post # 9
    1880 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    @KoiKove:  at the same time, the fact that her sister has chosen not to leave her abuser should not mean that OP’s decisions should be in the sway of said abuser. Ultimately, that the sister is with an abusive man is not OP’s problem, and should not be affecting her other friendships. Yes, it’s tragic, but when you’re with an abusive partner, sometimes shit happens like he doesn’t let you attend your sister’s wedding. If anything, maybe that will push her to see that she needs to leave him. But OP shouldn’t enable the abuse, which is what caving in to his demands would be doing. That just shows him AND her sister that his behavior is okay.


    Post # 10
    7736 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    @distracts:  “But OP shouldn’t enable the abuse, which is what caving in to his demands would be doing. That just shows him AND her sister that his behavior is okay.”

    Exactly. No one gets to blackmail you about your guest list, especially not this guy.

    And of course seat “Bill” well away from your sister and her bf.

    Post # 11
    2493 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    The brother is your friend so I would invite him, but hopefully in that time your sister will have come to her senses and left. Besides, do you have to share your guest list with the boyfriend? It’s none of his business who you invite. 

    Post # 13
    1880 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    @HonoraryNerd:  “just that he threatened to kill him”

    Call the cops and start a record of death threats against your friend by the boyfriend. That way if anything DOES happen, it’ll be easier for friend to get a restraining order.

    Post # 14
    101 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: November 2013

    @HonoraryNerd:  This is your wedding. Your sister’s bf is an asshole and thinks he can run everyone one around him. I would invite the guy and this may be the thing that makes your sister leave. Bc reality would sit in that this guy is keeping me from family and enjoying happy memories with them. If she does not leave she has made her decision about it and CHOSE to stay in an abusive relationship. For the  Bf to even threaten to mess up your big day with a fight is an asshole move. The Bf should be the one excluded.

    Post # 15
    871 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: February 2016

    @HonoraryNerd:  This is tough, your sister out ranks your bf’s brother but you really want to invite him. Sister’s SO sounds like a total douche and abuse is never ok. Thing is we can’t pick people’s life partners, so you can’t not invite him. To not invite him is basically saying I have veto power over your relationship. If you decide NOT to invite anyone it should be the brother. I voted invite everyone and hope for the best but make sure their tables are as far apart as humanly possible. You can’t start shit with a person if you don’t see them and never again discuss the guest list with your sister or her SO.

    Post # 16
    12248 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: May 2013

    Hopefully you won’t have to decide, but I would not invite the brother.

    If you invite them all and he finds out, your sister won’t be allowed at your wedding.

    If you invite everyone and lie so they come anyway, your sister’s boyfriend could think SHE was lying to him, and he could very legitimately beat her.

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