(Closed) Listen to FMIL or follow etiquette

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
238 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@alyssaC:  That seems really bizarre that Future Mother-In-Law would purposely excluded spouses and SOs from her list. Unless she’s paying for these people, I would invite them with their guest and not even mention it to her. 

Post # 5
Member
1902 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I would just try to follow the “married, engaged, or living together” rule for inviting SOs. Even if you don’t follow that rule for your side of the family, I highly doubt that your FMIL’s family and friends will get chatting to your side of the family and friends enough to discover that (shock horror!) some of the rules were inconsistent.

Also, I wouldn’t really even bother telling your Future Mother-In-Law that you’re inviting these people’s partners – if she asks, just say “Well, when you had John’s name there, I assumed you meant him and his wife, because to invite him and not her is just crazy!”

Post # 6
Member
238 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@alyssaC:  I would have your Fiance ask what the deal is. 

Post # 7
Member
9142 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

@alyssaC:  Go by etiquette and play dumb when and if she confronts you about it.  Get someone else to address the invites.  Another bride on here had her mother do them and she inivited guests the bride speifically didn’t want invited and then did not send invites out to people on the bride’s invitation list.

Post # 8
Member
384 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I would go with etiquette and invite them! 

Post # 9
Member
1158 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I say invite spouses and those in long term relationships and let your fiancé deal with his mom.

Post # 10
Hostess
11642 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

Agree with pp, never give an angry control freak power to impose their will without your knowledge. Get someone else to address them. 

Post # 11
Member
1849 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Aren’t you also the one with the grandma who has all sorts of nutty guestlist advice? Your best bet might be to stop allowing others to have any say in your list and handle it all yourself. Or let your grandma, who wants to invite everyone and their neighbors, take on your Future Mother-In-Law. That should be fun. But really, I would invite people as common etiquette and good manners dictate, and find someone else to help address invitations if you foresee a problem. If she doesn’t care about anyone else but herself, better not let her have a hand in something where people’s feelings are likely to be hurt. 

 

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