Literally the Loneliest I Have Ever Been

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 16
1225 posts
Bumble bee

I’m so sorry Bee. Loneliness can be devastating.  As PPs have said, the holidays are difficult, but you are almost out of it. In the meantime, please please don’t stay cooped up in your apartment alone. I’m not sure of your current financial situation, but maybe you can plan some “dates” with yourself for the next week: someone on the Bee suggested this on another thread and I thought it was brilliant.  Make reservations at fancy restaurants, go to the movies, have a spa day, enjoy a glass of wine in a nice lounge, go ice skating… Basically, many of the things you typically associate with doing with someone else can still be really enjoyable by yourself. You’ll also be surprised to realize just how many other people are on their own.

2016 has been a doozy of a year for so many of us, so try to think of 2017 as a fresh start: you can literally rewrite your whole story but this time give yourself a happy ending!

Post # 17
3617 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2000

OP, I remember your previous posts from the lead up time to you getting married.

I hope your therapy has continued, and I hope very much you do not rush into a relationship with a man. At your young age it seems that you have constantly been with men who are not good for you (am I reading those past posts right?) and being on your own for a while might be the most healthful. 

Post # 21
9595 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

kanlink :  hang in there! New job starts soon and that will feel good. I’m sure one day you will see that this chance to start over was a blessing. Active alcoholics and abusers have no place in your life… you deserve better. Try to just keep distracting yourself till things get better- good books, hobbies, fitness, meetup groups, church if you’re so inclined. A puppy or kitten!

Post # 23
4252 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

This holiday season may suck, but I think it is definitely time to get yourself out of your apartment.  Go for a walk.  Go volunteer at the Humane Society.  Walk to lunch.  Bike to go grab coffee.  Go see a movie.  Get out of your apartment.  Choose one friend (or maybe your sister?) and call them up and tell them how you are feeling.  So what if it is the holidays?  Most people have some time between Christmas and New Year’s, and they aren’t necessarily with their family at all times.  Ask a friend to coffee.  Out for a drink.  To take a walk with you.  Frankly I would make time for any acquaintence if they told me what you are writing on this board right now.

Post # 24
486 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

kanlink :  I’m so sorry to hear that, bee, but I am happy to hear that you are starting a new chapter in your life soon, and it seems like a blessing in disguise that your alcoholic husband left!

-Have you ever thought of just sitting and reading at a coffee shop like starbucks?
-Walking at a well-populated park?  
-I used to play MMORPGs on the computer before my career started, and there’s a huge community of gamers that you can talk to to fill your time (though, I don’t recommend really meeting them — it’s just to fill the time if that’s all you want).
-What about joining a book club?  
-Maybe check out your city’s website for community and local events to attend?

Good luck and stay strong!

Post # 26
2326 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2015 - Ruby Princess

People forget how hard the holidays can be for people who don’t have “family” in the traditional sense. You are remembering and glamorizing the good times with your ex and forgetting that living with an alcoholic is hell. 

It was, wasn’t it? I don’t know any of your story, but I DO know that an alcoholic always worsens and progresses. Him leaving was a HUGE gift to you, it just came in shitty wrapping paper. You are in that part right now, where you have torn a way some of the shitty paper, and can see that maybe, just maybe, there is a really amazing gift in there afterall. 

Keep looking forward! I would take the time to netflix and chill with myself and binge several shows. What about some books. some people would die for the chance for some time to do some purely personal reading. Go to any retirement facility and ask if you can chat with the seniors that don’t have family that visit. Go get yourself a new Grammy or Grampy. lol. A LOT of people are alone on the holidays, and would appreciate a visit and good conversation. 

Please do this one thing for me, if you do nothing else. Write a list of things you’re grateful for every day. Even if you think it’s stupid, (so do I) it does help to see all the things you have that others don’t. For instance: 1. food to eat?  2. warm place to sleep? 3. sufficient clothes to wear? check check and check. 

Get out of your own head! it’s a dangerous place. 🙂

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