(Closed) Little boys exposing themselves to my daughter, advice?

posted 5 years ago in Parenting
Post # 3
Member
839 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Um, no, I don’t think you are overreacting at all! It sounds like these boys are out of control, I wouldn’t let my daughter anywhere near them until they learn some manners. I would also have a serious talk with your grandmother about this. She needs to know that these boys she is raising are acting like this. Keep in mind, your daughter is her great-grandaughter, not a strange kid. She should be just as concerned as you are.

Post # 4
Member
1158 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

Wow.You are not overreacting at all.I would not allow my daughter to go over there.Better to be safe than sorry!

Post # 5
Member
869 posts
Busy bee

Totally agree with the previous posters!  This is in NO way appropriate, you’re not overreacting! If I was in your situation, I would probably discuss things with your grandmother, and let her know that things have to change or you won’t be watching the boys anymore.

Post # 6
Member
3692 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

I don’t think this is just about manners.  Those boys sound like they have psychological issues that need to be addressed.  

You need to keep your little girl far, far away from them.

Post # 7
Member
413 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Sounds like some mental health intervention is warranted. there is NOTHING right about any of this!

Post # 8
Member
7738 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Absolutely do not let your daughter be there without you!

Post # 10
Member
2269 posts
Buzzing bee

This all sounds so innapropriate and out of control. I would not allow my daughter over there and I would have a serious conversation with your Grandmother about what these boys are being allowed to get away with.

Very worrying!

Post # 11
Member
7738 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@anon656987:  5 year olds exposing themselves to each other = fairly normal. (Though parents should stop it if they find out).

5 year old taking off his pants and playing with himself, or trying to interrupt someone else in the bathroom = possibly just mischeivous,  but why isn’t his grandmother putting a stop to it?

9 year old exposing himself = something seriously wrong. (Especially since at that weight he’s probably hit puberty).

Post # 12
Member
2163 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

As a teacher, if I were to hear of such behavior, I’d be inclined to report it to a social worker immediately. This is not normal or okay, keep your precious girl away from them. Sounds like these boys need psychological evals. I’m sure their behavior (while not naked) is totally inappropriate in school also…Is there someone who can help your grandmother (besides you), and who can implement a strict routine and outline of consequences for this kind of behavior? 

Post # 13
Member
2425 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Why isn’t the grandmother putting a stop to this?

I mean, I’ve heard it’s normal for younger kids to do a little “show and tell” and experiment (not really understanding what it means, but this seems much more than that, they are out of control. 

Post # 15
Member
1497 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Agree with PP, better safe than sorry. Find someone else you trust who can watch your daughter when you go out. And do not ever let your daughter around those boys unless you are around. I don’t want to make you paranoid, but that is not normal behavior. What nine-year old runs around naked? What five-year old talks about killing people?

They need to be evaluated or it may possibly become worse. Is your grandmother able to have this done?

Post # 16
Member
208 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@paula1248 +1

Self exploration is healthy, having someone else explore with you not healthy! The five year old unknowingly touching himself is maybe ok but trying to drag your daughter with him to bathroom absolutely not! He needs to be taught respect for his body and other’s bodies in a way that doesn’t penalize him for self exploring in the privacy of his own room. The nine year old is absolutely too old to be running around naked. Also, I am concerned as these boys get older they might sexually harass/assault your baby girl.

 

What do I do if my child is playing with their genitals in public? 
Toddlers and preschoolers do not really understand the social implications of public masturbation, because, as noted earlier, they don’t associate it with private behaviors that occur between adults.  To them, it may be no different than playing with their ears, twirling their hair or picking their nose (and you know they’re not shy about doing that in public!).  Don’t make a big deal out of it.  Children enjoy attention of any sort, whether it is negative or positive. If you make masturbation into a big deal, you could end up reinforcing the behavior and actually getting more of it.  

And from the University of Michigan Medical School (http://www.med.umich.edu/yourchild/topics/masturb.htm) about how to encourage healthy self exploration in children:

Children should never be punished or shamed for masturbating, as this can have major effects on their self-esteem and comfort with sexual activity as adults.  There are lots of positive ways for parents to keep their kids from masturbating in public places:

  • Set limits: explain to your child that it is a private activity, much like toileting, and should be limited to the bedroom or bathroom.
  • Distraction:  try to get your child interested in another activity with their hands.
  • Send toddlers to their room to masturbate if they can’t be distracted from it.
  • Ignore masturbation at bedtime or naptime and encourage your child’s daycare to do the same.
  • Increase the amount of hugging, cuddling and parental affection you show to your child.
  • Give your child a security object (teddy bear, doll, blanket) to take in public, since they may be using masturbation to comfort themselves in an unfamiliar situation.
  • For children with developmental delay or other mental impairments who may not be as receptive to reasoning, positive reinforcement techniques may be helpful (for example, reward them for notplaying with their genitals with special treats).

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