Post # 1
So I need some help here bees…
I have a little girl just barely 5 years old. She’s a wonderful girl.
My Grandmother is raising my cousins right now… Thing is, they are super young. My aunt is only one year older than me and she had kids and my grandmother is raising those kids now. She had my aunt at 40 and is not 60 and raising two boys. One is 9 the other is 5. These kids don’t listen to her for nothing!
They take advantage of her and run all over her. They have NO manners what so ever. My daughter is a good girl and every time they try to get her to do something I don’t agree with she will say “Momma said no, I have to listen to my momma”. The kids aren’t negatively influencing her in her behavior but their manners are really starting to upset me.
My Grandmother and I have it set up where the kids come to my home when she wants to go out (and they listen to me, it only took time out and they both listen first time I say anything) and she will watch my daughter like twice a month when we go out.
Well here’s where the manners become a problem. The nine year old boy who weighs over 200 pounds (I know! That’s from the fast food diet) and is about 5’6 (I know again these boys are HUGE!) likes to walk around the house in his boxers even when comany is around. Uncomfortable but plain rude when he starts digging in his underwear sitting on the couch while a bunch of people are over.
But that’s not the biggest problem. According to my daughter he’s been walking around the house nude all over the place not caring and just goes into his room across the hall from the room she’s playing in and lays down naked and plays video games watches TV with the door wide open and just runs around with no clothing on at all. I have a problem with this.
And then the 5 year old boy when we picked my daughter up took his pants off and was playing with himself through his underwear and trying to go in the bathroom when my daughter was in there. I stopped him but when she came out he literally tried to pull her into the bathroom with him when he had to use the bathroom.
I know kids experiment but this is not ok. Not to mention the five year old literally said he would kill me because I didn’t let him marry his cousin.
So I don’t think I should continue allowing my daughter to go over there. I’m just on here for advice and help. Am I over reacting? And how should I handle this?
Post # 3
Um, no, I don’t think you are overreacting at all! It sounds like these boys are out of control, I wouldn’t let my daughter anywhere near them until they learn some manners. I would also have a serious talk with your grandmother about this. She needs to know that these boys she is raising are acting like this. Keep in mind, your daughter is her great-grandaughter, not a strange kid. She should be just as concerned as you are.
Post # 4
Wow.You are not overreacting at all.I would not allow my daughter to go over there.Better to be safe than sorry!
Post # 5
Totally agree with the previous posters! This is in NO way appropriate, you’re not overreacting! If I was in your situation, I would probably discuss things with your grandmother, and let her know that things have to change or you won’t be watching the boys anymore.
Post # 6
I don’t think this is just about manners. Those boys sound like they have psychological issues that need to be addressed.
You need to keep your little girl far, far away from them.
Post # 7
Sounds like some mental health intervention is warranted. there is NOTHING right about any of this!
Post # 8
Absolutely do not let your daughter be there without you!
Post # 9
Thank you all! It’s really nice to know I’m not just paranoid and it is in fact something to be concerned about.
I’ve been told it’s normal for kids to experiment with their bodies so I wasn’t sure if them trying to with my child was normal or not but I just didn’t think it was. It just doesn’t seem right at all. I don’t want my child to grow up with issues because of these two kids. Lord knows I have enough issues from my childhood for the both of us (But I’m doing well now)
Post # 10
This all sounds so innapropriate and out of control. I would not allow my daughter over there and I would have a serious conversation with your Grandmother about what these boys are being allowed to get away with.
Post # 11
5 year olds exposing themselves to each other = fairly normal. (Though parents should stop it if they find out).
5 year old taking off his pants and playing with himself, or trying to interrupt someone else in the bathroom = possibly just mischeivous, but why isn’t his grandmother putting a stop to it?
9 year old exposing himself = something seriously wrong. (Especially since at that weight he’s probably hit puberty).
Post # 12
As a teacher, if I were to hear of such behavior, I’d be inclined to report it to a social worker immediately. This is not normal or okay, keep your precious girl away from them. Sounds like these boys need psychological evals. I’m sure their behavior (while not naked) is totally inappropriate in school also…Is there someone who can help your grandmother (besides you), and who can implement a strict routine and outline of consequences for this kind of behavior?
Post # 13
Why isn’t the grandmother putting a stop to this?
I mean, I’ve heard it’s normal for younger kids to do a little “show and tell” and experiment (not really understanding what it means, but this seems much more than that, they are out of control.
Post # 14
They have my grandmother and my grandfather. My grandmother is a HUGE push over. She lets them get away with anything. Heck, the 9 year old was in his room punching the wall screaming for my Grandma so bring him something to drink. She spoils them but to the point where they are literally rotten.
And unfortunately their grandpa is abusive and hates all women and thinks they are lower than all men (he’s my step grandfather) so the kids have even more to use against my Grandma to walk all over her. And the grandfather is too lazy to get up and do anything. He will threaten to spank them with a flip flop but that’s it. He never actually gets up because he’s old and doesn’t really want to.
Their mom is a dead beat. She lived with them at my grandmas until the eldest boy was 7. And poor boy would walk in the room to show his mom a good grade he got in school and she would yell at him for talking to her. She hated him and he knew it. She loved the youngest one but still didn’t care to take care of him. So she willingly and happily gave up her rights to her parents and moved out.
Those kids are doomed. I’ve offered when my daughter goes to spend the summer with her dad, for my Grandma to send the boys to my house for a few weeks to teach them manners and the way you treat others, but my grandma has anxiety issues dealing with being alone and doesn’t like her husband and the kids are kind of a shield between her and the abusive husband. The whole family is screwey and I try to help and offer to help but they seem content on carrying on this way.
Post # 15
Agree with PP, better safe than sorry. Find someone else you trust who can watch your daughter when you go out. And do not ever let your daughter around those boys unless you are around. I don’t want to make you paranoid, but that is not normal behavior. What nine-year old runs around naked? What five-year old talks about killing people?
They need to be evaluated or it may possibly become worse. Is your grandmother able to have this done?
Post # 16
Self exploration is healthy, having someone else explore with you not healthy! The five year old unknowingly touching himself is maybe ok but trying to drag your daughter with him to bathroom absolutely not! He needs to be taught respect for his body and other’s bodies in a way that doesn’t penalize him for self exploring in the privacy of his own room. The nine year old is absolutely too old to be running around naked. Also, I am concerned as these boys get older they might sexually harass/assault your baby girl.
What do I do if my child is playing with their genitals in public?
Toddlers and preschoolers do not really understand the social implications of public masturbation, because, as noted earlier, they don’t associate it with private behaviors that occur between adults. To them, it may be no different than playing with their ears, twirling their hair or picking their nose (and you know they’re not shy about doing that in public!). Don’t make a big deal out of it. Children enjoy attention of any sort, whether it is negative or positive. If you make masturbation into a big deal, you could end up reinforcing the behavior and actually getting more of it.
And from the University of Michigan Medical School (http://www.med.umich.edu/yourchild/topics/masturb.htm) about how to encourage healthy self exploration in children:
Children should never be punished or shamed for masturbating, as this can have major effects on their self-esteem and comfort with sexual activity as adults. There are lots of positive ways for parents to keep their kids from masturbating in public places:
- Set limits: explain to your child that it is a private activity, much like toileting, and should be limited to the bedroom or bathroom.
- Distraction: try to get your child interested in another activity with their hands.
- Send toddlers to their room to masturbate if they can’t be distracted from it.
- Ignore masturbation at bedtime or naptime and encourage your child’s daycare to do the same.
- Increase the amount of hugging, cuddling and parental affection you show to your child.
- Give your child a security object (teddy bear, doll, blanket) to take in public, since they may be using masturbation to comfort themselves in an unfamiliar situation.
- For children with developmental delay or other mental impairments who may not be as receptive to reasoning, positive reinforcement techniques may be helpful (for example, reward them for notplaying with their genitals with special treats).