Post # 1
When I got engaged, I chose my little sister is my Maid/Matron of Honor for our wedding next May. There was no other choice! She’s always been there for me, and is very supportive of my Fiance and I’s relationship. The other day, she and I were talking and she mentioned that she felt like I was overshadowing her leaving for college. Here’s some of the backstory:
My sister just turned 18 and is still very much a teenager. She is very much the pretty, dramatic, attention-loving sister (she is my only sibling). She’s leaving for school this fall, and her boyfriend just left for basic training about two weeks ago. She feels like our family only talks about the wedding, and never the fact that she is leaving for school or the fact that her Boyfriend or Best Friend is gone. She wants to go shopping for her dorm room, but there isn’t anything out there yet: twin XL bedding isn’t usually out until late July/August.
I am the shy, overweight, calm, even-tempered sister. I hate being in the spotlight (unless I’m in front of students in the classroom). I gave my sister a letter about how I love her dearly, etc. and a big bag of candy when her Boyfriend or Best Friend left for basic training. I have helped her extensively in looking and applying for college/scholarships, etc.
I have tried very much to not talk about the wedding, but my mom is home all day during the summer, so she likes to dream and help with the planning. This causes me to talk about it with her. Plus, planning a wedding requires a lot of communication, which requires talking.
It really hurt me that she feels like I’m being too ‘in the spotlight’ when I do everything I can not to be. I don’t know what to do. I can’t help that planning a wedding requires some time when I am in the spotlight…right?
Post # 3
I feel you!
My sister is getting married 2 months after me but has been engaged longer…she feels that her wedding has been put on the back burner for mine (it hasn’t, and if it has it is her fault) …my mom wanted to throw an engagement party and she said no, my mom wanted to throw a shower and she said no…my mom has asked about their planning and gets no info…..
I also am not someone who likes the spotlight…my sister loves it…..she dresses to be noticed i’m a jeans and tshirt person…..
I think sometimes that people who are used to being in the spotlight have a hard time sharing it…..
Post # 4
wedding trumps leaving for college in my opinion, but I’m not 18 anymore! 😉 Anyways, I have a little sister in college, too who is too wrapped up in her own world to care about anything else let alone the wedding! I think it’s just the age group and immaturity that comes with it, so I wouldn’t take it too personally Maybe you could offer to go with her to look at some fun dorm stuff with her even if all the college stuff isn’t out yet – she is excited to start looking!
Post # 5
Thanks so much you guys! I’m glad I’m not crazy 🙂 It really warms my heart that there are such supportive people out there like you!
Post # 6
I have the same situation. My Maid/Matron of Honor is my only sister that just turned 20. The spotlight was off of her for a whole 2 months and she completely flipped. I cant really discuss the wedding with her at all without a smug or snide comment. I simply disconnected myself from her. She will be the Maid/Matron of Honor still just to avoid drama, but my mother is really taking on her responsibilities and she is just expected to show up in her dress and walk the aisle. I havent even talked to her about it. You dont need this kind of stress now. You only get this time once and she will be a teenager briefly. Dont let her ruin your day! HOG THAT SPOTLIGHT!!!!!! 🙂
Post # 7
I am late to this conversation but I just wanted to say this is EXACTLY the relationship my sister and I have. I love her so much and I wouldn’t change a thing about her, but we are true opposites.
Something I finally realized is that even though I am quieter and not in the spotlight as much as she is, I am more confident and have higher self-esteem. That may or may not be the situation for you, I don’t know. But, once I realized how much she needed the reassurance of that attention, it didn’t bother me so much that she wanted it. I was happy to let her have it.
That being said, you are well within your rights to be in the spotlight right now. Do not let her keep you from enjoying this! If, as a PP suggested, you wanted to show her some special attention and take her dorm shopping, talk to her about her Boyfriend or Best Friend leaving, etc, that would be very sweet of you. But don’t take her ‘tude personally!
Post # 8
Wow, I feel the same way. Sorry just found thsi site today and it was much needed!
I am in the same situation and as the rest of these ladies have pointed out, there is always that sister that wants the spotlight. I guess we just suppose for one moment our younger more immature sisters will let us have a little glory or at least just be quiet for a bit 🙂