Little to no help planning wedding. Please tell me I can do this by myself.

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
283 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I am lucky to have a very helpful mother and Maid/Matron of Honor, but we are planning from opposite ends of the country so sometimes it seems like I’m doing a lot by myself, just because of the logistics of it all. I’ll be finishing graduate school 2 months before the wedding, so I have had a lot on my plate too. I won’t lie, many times I’ve gotten super overwhelmed.

BUT I think the best thing I did was find an all inclusive venue. By finding one place I loved, I was able to take care of the reception, food, bar, music, linens and lodging in one step. Also included in the “deal” was a coordinator, who has been SO helpful. I would definitely recommend a planner/coordinator, especially since it sounds like that may be the only help you get.

You have a lot of time, so don’t freak out. You can do one thing at a time. Don’t wait until the last minute, but don’t think you need to have everything laid out immediately. Start with what is most important to you and work down from there. I’m 5 months out and there are still little details I haven’t completely worked out, but I got all of the major things out of the way about a year ago. Since then, I’ve been working on the rest whenever I have time.

Try to have fun when you are planning. At the end of it all, I think we are all glad that there’s nothing left to plan, lol, but try to enjoy it at least a little bit!

Also don’t be afraid to drag your FH into the mix. Mine kicked and screamed at first, lol, but after I told him I am not marrying MYSELF, he has become much more involved and helpful. Try giving your FH more detail oriented tasks, ie calling vendors, asking questions, scheduling appointments.

Post # 5
3601 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 1992

@SouthernGirl: You can.

We have an entire planet’s worth of information at our fingertips! I did it alone, and I’ be happy to be here to support to!

Post # 6
508 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

You can do it! I planned our entire wedding on my own while being in Pharmacy school full time. With 3 months to go I am happy to say that I am right on track. Is is a lot of work? Yes. Is it impossible? No. Good luck!

Post # 7
1566 posts
Bumble bee

I think there’s a certain ideal of wedding planning in pop culture, which tells us that it should involve the bride surrounded by bridesmaids, relatives, and others participating in the wedding process with her. But in reality, many women don’t have this experience – family might live far away, have busy schedules, or not care that much about the details of wedding planning. I planned our wedding mostly by myself! Fiance was involved, but my family and BMs were long distance and I definitely didn’t have a planner or coordinator anything like that. I was also working 60-80 hours a week and living in NYC planning a Philly wedding.

I think you can definitely plan on your own and have a great experience doing it. Just be realistic about how much time and energy you have. For example, you might want to do a ton of DIY projects or little details, but those take a LOT of time – I had to abandon a few of my plans. Or you might not have enough time to check out a lot of different vendors and just go with one of the first ones you like. We hired the first DJ we met, the first photographer we met, the first florist we met, etc. We also only did one venue visit and one dress shopping trip. There were times when I worried that I was “cutting corners” and that my wedding wouldn’t be as “good” because I didn’t design every single detail myself, meet with a dozen florists or spend weeks searching for the “perfect” dress. But we had a beautiful, beautiful day and everything worked out really well. So don’t stress and have fun ๐Ÿ™‚ 


Post # 8
273 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

@GirlWithARing: I agree.

I work 50-60 hours a week. I don’t have a Mom or Dad and my Fiance tries as much as he can. I am a Type A personality and so with the little help I do get, I like my ideas better and change anything/everything someone else suggests.

You can definitely do it. You have a community of ladies here to help in any way that you need. Opinions, suggestions, advice…you can get it all here. All you ever have to do is ask for support and you will probably get more than you can handle Wink

Post # 9
3012 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

You got this.  You also have the support of us bees.  ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 10
606 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I just wanted to give you a little hope.  My family was not really interested in helping with projects a year ago but that changed completely two months ago.  Now I have more help than I could possibly need.  I thought long and hard and I think its because when your a year out it is too long of a commitment for anyone to make but right before the date the end is in sight.  So you might be surprised as to how many people will help you in the end.  Pace yourself and try to have fun.

Post # 11
7173 posts
Busy Beekeeper

You can DEFINITELY do this – and, I’ll tell you who will be the BIGGEST help:  the hive!

I got no planning help from my mom, his mom, or any of my family.  My friends were interested in what I had to say but didn’t really help me make any choices.

Is your Fiance on board?  Will he help make decisions?  That will certainly help!  But, even then – I did all the legwork and figure out options etc.

It feels overwhelming, but you have time and don’t let it get you down.  It’s doable and you CAN do it!

There’s tons of guides here as well as support.  Start by making a list of what you need to accomplish and then work on one thing at a time…. it will all get done (it’s kind of a little miracle the way it all pulls together).


Post # 12
541 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

You can do it–especially with the time you have left. Although I have my mom and sister to help out, I’m a complete control freak so I’ve done most things myself. The only thing that Fiance was interested in, oddly enough, was the paper. My biggest peice of advice would be not to second guess yourself. If you see something you like, pick it and move on. And you have everyone here to support and help you!

Post # 13
93 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

You can do this SouthernGirl!

I am planning my wedding in MN from Dallas, TX. We’ve only lived here about 2 years, and hopefully I won’t sound completely lame when I say that I really dont have any friends here (not real friends, ya know?). All of our family is KS and north, so I am not even remotely close to fam, friends, or BM’s. Our wedding is October 2011, and we’ve been planning since August 2010.

I will tell you, even 2 months ago, I felt like I was in your shoes. I would read blogs on here where people were talking about doing these projects with their moms or BM’s, and I will tell ya, I cried on more than one occasion because I felt so overwhelmed and alone. Fiance does not care about flowers, or bunting or cutesy things like that. BUT he does care about music, and food. So my 1st suggestion is to think of several things that your Fiance might care about, and ask him to help with those pieces. Honestly explain your feelings to him, and why you would appreciate his help. I told my Fiance, hey look, I’m sorry, I know you may not care about

, but I have no one else to ask here in person. (sometimes its such a pain to email a pic or make a phone call when there is someone to ask right there!) But anyways, I’ve had moments of feeling very overwhelmed, and like I was alone.

Thankfully, my sister, mom and Future Mother-In-Law have been very helpful all the way in IA and MN. Obviously, we aren’t able to do much together together, but we email a lot and I send them pics, etc. I also have been lucky to be able to go home once or twice and have a weekend with them.

I actually just realized earlier this week that I hadn’t felt that overwhelming feeling in almost a month! I think having a checklist of what needs to be accomplished for each month really helps. I also think that once you have the big things marked off your list, you will start to feel so much better. For me that was venue, photog, caterer, dj, officiant, dress, Bridesmaid or Best Man dresses (pain in my ASS), and starting to get to alterations person, cake, hair/makeup. Oh, and the honeymoon suite!! ๐Ÿ™‚

It’s hard when you feel like you are missing out on experiences other people are having (like DIY project weekends with their gals) but really, you cant dwell on that. Remember what an amazing day this is going to be for you!!! If you need any support, or opinions on ideas, or anything like that, please let me know! We are here for you dear!! ๐Ÿ™‚

You can TOTALLY do this!! woooot wooot!!!

Post # 15
1315 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

You’d be surprised the things that draw a man in. We cancelled our hotel reception in February, when it became clear our finances weren’t up to it. A part of me was delighted, as the hotel was super restrictive re decor, homemade desserts etc, and I had actually been quite down about how boring our wedding was going to be (dramatic, I know!). Fiance had simply been freaking about the money – while I was showing him pretty shiny online stuff, he couldn’t see past the money issue.

The day we cancelled the hotel, we sat down to work out what to do. We decided we still wanted to get married, on the same day, with most of the same people present. Then, I showed him SoontobeMrsA’s posts – her carnival inspiration boards, and everyone else’s additions to those threads – and his eyes just lit up. He was seeing ways in which we could have a fun wedding, without spending a fortune, doing a lot of the work ourselves. He is now enthusiastic about our wedding, and is planning a bevy of handpainted and cut signs for all the different elements of our day: he’s making a swing for me for our pics: he even sat making yarn poms last night while I made bunting as we watched Dexter. Trust me, this is a huge leap for my guy!

I have helpful women around me, but I find myself somewhat alone with a lot of this stuff – I’m no good at brushing off people’s opinions or comments, so tend not to ask for help in the first place. But it’s pretty cool that what we’re going to have, in 28 days, is really gonna be OUR wedding.

Sorry for going on so, but do keep us posted! Work out your budget and they style you like, and we’ll all pitch in!

Post # 16
376 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

You totally can!

But here’s the thing — if you do it yourself (or you and fiance), I would suggest really not sharing the details. If people ask or give opinions, just say, “You know, the details are being worked out, but right now I just want to enjoy being engaged and not talk about planning stuff.”

Because there is NOTHING as frustrating as trying to keep someone happy who has made it clear that they are willing to be opinionated but not actually help you with anything.


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