Post # 1
…have little to no attention to detail?
I just want to start by saying that my Fiance really is a lovely man, and he cares for me a lot…
but sometimes he just has no idea.
For example, two things that got me this week. I have been under the weather all week, and on Tues I slept through my alarm. He had been home since approx. 4.30am from night shift, and was playing a video game to wind down. He came in at 7.20am asking if I should be getting up for work. I woke up straight away, looked at the time and went omgod I am so late! Why didn’t you wake me up sooner? He looked at me blankly, so I said what time do I leave for work? He had no idea. I’ve had the same job for two years, and the latest I leave is 6:50am (usually earlier). I snapped at him a little, but it wasn’t a fight or anything as I should have woken up to my alarm.
Then the next day, he came and woke me 5 minutes before my alarm went off (I think he felt a bit sheepish about the day before, althought it wasn’t really his fault) and he told me he’d made me a coffee. How sweet! So I came and sat with him outside, and took a sip. There was about 3 spoons of sugar in it! I have never taken sugar with my coffee, I hate the taste combination. We have been living together 5 years by the way, and I am a massive coffee drinker. I appreciated the gesture, so I tried to drink it, but he could tell something was up and asked me what was wrong. I said why did you put sugar in here? And he said I thought you took two sugars? I jokingly asked him if that was his other girlfriend haha.
He also doesn’t know my phone number, our internet banking password or ID number and a whole lot of other little details that I have memorised, just as a part of life.
He is a really hard worker and certainly not dumb (his IQ is far higher than mine) so it just confounds me sometimes how useless he is in this department!
Does anyone else have this issue? Or are you the dreamy one in the relationship?
And please no one go crazy about red flags or anything – we have a great relationship and this is just one of his little quirks I think.
Post # 2
- Wedding: April 2017 - City, State
I dunno. I blank out in things with my Fiance. I haven’t memorized a number in probably 10 years. I have to reset passwords regularly. I can’t remember where he went to college even though he’s told me more than once.
He remembers everything, down to the smallest detail, and he does sometimes get that exasperated tone when he has to tell me something over again. I don’t do it on purpose and in some cases have taken to writing things down so I can’t forget them.
It sounds like he didn’t think to wake you up cause he generally doesn’t have to, and he probably never paid attention to how much sugar you put in your coffee because, well, why would he? I think it’s sweet he tried to make it up to you the next day even though it wasn’t his fault. So I’m the dreamy one, he’s the detailed one.
Post # 3
Haha, it’s interesting to see it from the other point of view!
I definitely agree that it was sweet of him to try and make it up to me, even though it wasn’t his fault. I am not mad at him for forgetting small details, it is just so unfathomable to me as I don’t think I could, even if I tried, and he is so smart and cluey in so many other areas.
I get the exasperated tone sometimes, although I try not to, and he hates it because he says it makes him feel dumb 🙁 He gets the same tone when I’m trying to work out a maths problem though haha, I hate maths and he’s really good at it.
It’s kind of funny too as our jobs reflect our abilities I guess. My role is extremely detail orientated, and his is large scale and maths based, but the small details don’t matter.
Post # 4
I agree with you, just a quirk that can be annoying but it’s so sweet how he kept trying to rectify it. Lol waking you up early with polluted coffee:-)
My Fiance remembers everything and gets offended that I don’t. When we first started dating LD, I was working on a super stressful commercial up until the minute I was taking off for the airport. I had no clue what flight, etc- I had that all saved on my phone, one thing at a time. I knew the time and airport. That’s how I roll cuz I fly a lot! Well, he got all hurt that I didn’t know his address by heart on my way to the airport. Hello, I’m gps-ing it when I land!
Different strokes I guess. But if he messed up my coffee I would have RED FLAGS all over the place😇😎
Post # 5
Hell, I don’t know my husband’s phone number either. I can’t tell you the last time I memorized a phone number.
Post # 6
- Wedding: April 2017 - City, State
I get him on the feeling dumb part. I feel that way, too, sometimes, even though I know that he’s not trying to make me feel that way and doesn’t think I’m dumb.
It really isn’t intentional. Some things just don’t stick, even after I’ve heard them several times. And what sticks is just as random as what doesn’t. I can’t remember how he takes his coffee or what his favorite beer is, but I remember what pants he wore the last time we went to the movies. Totally useless thing to remember that has no significance at all, but it’s in my head for some reason. I make an effort to remember the details and he tries to not let my occasional absent mindedness bother him. 🙂
Post # 7
Haha! See that would drive me crazy! I try to internalise it though, because I know it is also partly my quirk. Haha, I take my coffee pretty seriously! Lucky we have coffee facilities at work, so I made myself a proper cup as soon as I got there.
I’m genuinely suprised that memorising your SO’s number isn’t done by many people anymore. I set my Fiance that task once, because he kept having issues, like the time his car broke down and his phone was dead – so he couldn’t contact me to bring down my credit card for the tow company. I had written it down for him and put it in his wallet, but he forgot it was there lol.
Post # 8
My SO forgets everything important, his phone, wallet, keys, swipe card for work. The best thing ever is that my mum bought him these locator things that connect to an app and beep for you to find. I didn’t remind him about his dad’s birthday last week, because I told him about it the day before and thought he’d remember but nope, he had to give an awkard day late call.
He’s a bit of a scatter brain but then comes out of nowhere with remembering a story he wrote for me 3 years ago and finding a website I mentioned to look up what craft supplies to buy me out of the blue.
Post # 9
Lolol I wish you hadn’t specified no red flags, I was dying to see someone red flag his lack of interest in your coffee tastes. 😂
The alarm thing, yes! Oh my gosh. That happens to me. Worst part is its your own fault, so you can’t even legitimately be mad! I think I’d be more frustrated over being woken up five minutes before my alarm though…lol. Even for coffee. My BF definitely knows better than that!
Post # 10
My Fiance knows how I take coffee. That’s HUGE for me, lol. But a lot of other things, he has the excuse, “I have a penis.” Um, ok. So that means that he doesn’t understand anything that isn’t completely concrete and masculine, I guess. I take the good with the bad. I highly recommend reading (and having him read the pertinent parts as well) the love languages book. It seems like there are things that are important to you that he’s not doing, yet he doesn’t have a clue about it.
Post # 11
Oh, and I don’t know my FI’s number.
I really should and I know that, but stupid cell phones have made my brain lose the ability to remember phone numbers!
Post # 12
Let’s see, the other night I was making salmon in foil packets and I sent him to the store for some butter to cook them with. I stressed three times, you have to get ACTUAL butter, not margarine.
He came back with “I can’t believe it’s not butter!” He didn’t realize it wasn’t butter beacuse it said “butter” on the package and it confused him…
Post # 13
I’ve seen those tracker things, what a great idea! I bought him a super expensive wallet for his birthday once… and he left it on a train a couple of months later. We also have a key bowl – which he never puts his keys in… then runs around everywhere every single morning looking for his keys haha!
Haha, well if anything was a red flag, it is the coffee. I might have to make note of that, and ask him to put it in his vows! ‘I promise to make you coffees with no sugar’. Sleeping through my alarm, I was mainly mad at myself. I did snap at him while I was still half asleep, and he came back with hey! I didn’t think you would have slept through your alarm. God dammit, I had no answer to that! lol.
He doesn’t quite use the penis excuse – as he knows that wouldn’t wash with me haha. The only time I let him get away with the penis excuse is when he professes to be bad at doing the washing, and that’s only because he does the vacuuming instead which I hate!
I’ve read snippets of that book as a girlfriend bought it, but I don’t think it would help him. He does have good intentions a lot of the time, it’s just like his brain doesn’t absorb that type of information! If I thought it was deliberate, I would actually be a little annoyed/mad. His mother tells me she used to drive him crazy when he was a kid for the same reasons.
Post # 14
Haha! See, you would know exactly how I feel… how can you be mad when the right intention was there?
Post # 15
I have no idea what FI’s number is but he knows mine, but that’s mostly because if I ever leave him a voicemail it says my number before giving him the message so he’s heard it a lot of time. He actually remembers a lot of little details, including how I take my coffee but whatever reason Fiance can never remember my schedule.
I work two jobs so every day is different and I’m an instructor at a community college so it changes every 4 months (each semester) but I’ve had the same schedule since January and he still can’t remember that I work till 7 on Wednesdays so sometimes I get a text asking where I’m at and I just laugh and roll my eyes every time before texting back that I’m still at work because it’s Wednesday. Or he’ll make plans with our friends and not remember what time I work till so I end up just having to be late because he thought I got off earlier than I actually do.