Post # 1
Okay, Bees… usually I just lurk around on here, but I need some advice so I’m coming out of the shadows! My question is, should I continue living at home or move out? Here’s the backstory:
Back in November I got a new job and I had to move from MD to DE quickly. My parents just so happened to move about 40 minutes from my new job in October. I was very lucky because I was still in a lease in MD until February and didn’t want to pay double rent, so my parents said I could stay with them for as long as I needed/wanted. So I moved in with them, and am still living there. It’s been okay so far; I’ve been getting along with my parents fine, but the area is rural and I haven’t made any friends in the area I work in (DE) since I live so far from my job. I get lonely at my parents’ house, and want to move out to be closer to work and have more opportunities to meet people my age (I work at a university, so there’s a huge community of people in their 20’s). Also, my boyfriend is not allowed to sleep in my bed when he stays over (parents’ rule), which is kind of annoying. I respect the rule, but it’d be really nice to have a place where my boyfriend can sleep with me! Lastly, I’m having doubts about moving out because I’m having a really hard time finding a roommate/living situation that fits my needs. Sometimes I feel like it’d just be easier to stay put at home until my boyfriend and I move in together after he finishes school (Summer 2013).
Reasons to continue living at home:
-Save a significant amount of money!
-Easier than moving
Reasons to move out:
-Save money on gas
-Less commute time
-More opportunities to make friends
-BF can sleep with me
Sorry this is so long! Thoughts?
Post # 4
@Genuine513: Thanks for the response! What makes you say that, if you don’t mind me asking?
Post # 5
I would move out and experience some independence before you move in with your boyfriend. The only reason to stay is if you need the money. E.g., if you are paying off debt such as a student loan I would stay at your parents’ and try to pay it down. If you would not be able to save anything at all then I would also think twice about it.
Post # 6
Actually, I would do the math on gas vs. rent savings before you decide. I know it seems absurd that they could ever compare, but the difference may not be nearly what you assume it would be compared to rent savings.
Post # 7
Good call, ladies. I haven’t actually done the math, I kind of just assumed staying at home would be cheaper.
I have lived on my own before in college and after college, it was just the sudden move that landed me back at home. I have one payment left on my car (YAY!) and then I’ll be moving on to my epically huge student loan debt that I’ve been deferring. It’d be pretty nice to save a solid savings before moving with my boyfriend, whether it be to pay debts, help pay for our wedding, etc. I just don’t know if I can make it for another 12-15 months without going insane from the lack of socializing with people my age…
Post # 8
@love2bfit: I say move out in 3 months, but start hanging out on campus after work. That way you have more friends, and you can start hanging out at their places. If you’re still miserable then move out so that the end of your one year lease will match up with when your Boyfriend or Best Friend wants to get an apartment.
Post # 9
When you are comparing cost of gas vs. rent, be sure to include heat, electric, tv, internet, etc. Unless you drive a hummer, its prob. a LOT cheaper to stay at home.
Honestly – if you are in such a financial state that you have student loans and are not paying them off, then I suggest staying at home until you get to a point where you are well on your pay to pay them off.
Post # 10
@Rock Hugger: I agree that it’s important to start paying off my student loans. My financial situation has improved significantly since I started the new job, so I can start putting some money toward it. But, it’s going to take a good while (like 10 years at least) to get them paid off and (unfortunately) I can’t stay at home forever.
@asscherlover: I’ll definitely try to hang around campus more! I’m also going to take a class in the fall, and maybe the summer too. So those will be good opportunities to meet people.
Post # 11
My oldest sister moved back home after College for a few years to save for a down payment and I don’t know how she possibly did it for that long. We have a great family, but I don’t think it’s worth the savings to give up so much privacy and have to follow so many rules, esp as an adult. I mean it’s one thing if you don’t have the money to move out, but if you do I think that’s what you should do.
Post # 12
My parents had the same rules and I stayed put knowing that it wasn’t forever and I was saying money towards my home. I moved home after college and lived there for 3 yrs until we bought our house which was only months before we got married. Just think of your goals and where you want to be and figure out if it’s possible if you move out and start paying rent.
Post # 13
If you can swing it, move out! It will be great to be on your own for a bit before you and your Boyfriend or Best Friend start cohabitating. Why wait to start living your own life? PErsonally I am so happy I got to live independently and build my own life a while before my husband and I lived together. Can find someone who has a place where you can rent a room cheaply?
Post # 14
I moved back in with my mom when i went back to school a few years ago (I think I was 26 when I moved back in). I was able to save almost 20,000 dollars not paying rent which we used to buy our first home in September. I would say stay at home and sock that money away, you will be SO GLAD you have it. But it’s true, it makes sense to do the math before makng a decision. Also I’m stumped on why you are unable to socialize or make friends living far away. There seems to be no reason you can’t hang around campus/the surrounding area after classes etc to get coffee or happy hour with people you know, and drive home after? It may be a bit further than you’d like but its a choice you make if you want to socialize.
Also wanting to sleep in the same bed as your boyfriend is definitely not a reason to start paying rent. I know it sucks, my mom has never let me have boys spend the night even at her house, but it just is what it is.
Post # 15
Good points, everyone. There’s so much to think about!
@moderndaisy: It definitely is hard to live by someone else’s rules, especially after living on your own! I can definitely afford to move out, it just means less money in the bank (though I would still be able to save some money if I live cheaply).
@MsJ2theZ: It’s not that I can’t socialize while living at home, it just makes it difficult. I drive 40 minutes to work, work all day, and drive 40 minutes home, 5 days a week. It may not sound that tiring, but believe me it is! Some days I have the energy to do something after work, but others all I want to do is go home and relax. It’s also hard on the weekends because that’s just like another day of commuting, which takes a toll on my bank account with the gas prices being what they are. I agree with you that it is definitely a choice to socialize, I’m just finding it difficult to say yes a lot of the time. I think living closer to where I work would definitely facilitate being more social.
Also, my boyfriend not sleeping with me isn’t a dealbreaker, it’s just a nuisance. He’s been very respectful of the rule, but it makes him uncomfortable sleeping on the couch in our living room, on display for all to see (lol). And, I’d like to have a place where he can come stay and not feel like he has to mind himself all the time. That’s what I meant by that statement.
On a related note, this may not be much of a decision anymore… as I was offered an interview for grad school today (at the university where I work)! I would definitely have to move there if I got into grad school.
Post # 16
@love2bfit: I’m crossing fingers for you! Good luck with grad school!