(Closed) Live near one family but not the other?

posted 11 years ago in Married Life
Post # 32
Member
2680 posts
Sugar bee

We dont live TOO far from my parents but they are abour 45-60 minutes away from us.  We live one floor down from SIL & Future Brother-In-Law and about 15-20 minutes away from BIL’s & SIL’s and MIL/FIL.  We see his side of the family much more often which I think sometimes upsets my parents.  Its not that we dont want to spend time with them but its hard when I dont get out of work til 6pm and they live far especially in the horrible traffic.  We are making it a point to get together with them at least 1-2 times a month and do stuff.

Post # 33
Member
60 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2020

I’m not sure what we’ll do once we are married. Honestly we’ll probably have to do christmas with his family because they are OBSESSED with it and just go see my family before or after depending on where christmas lands. Growing up we always did thanksgiving with one set and christmas with the other. My grandmother always had a “christmas at thanksgiving” set up so we would do two christmases which of course was awesome as a kid. Its certainly not an easy situation but as long as everyone is willing to compromise it should work out!

Post # 34
Member
406 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2009 - Small church ceremony with mountain-view log cabin reception

EVERY holiday we have the same problem… it’s so unbelievably frustrating. I’ll be interested to hear more advice on this, too:)

Post # 35
Member
143 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2010 - The Chesapeake Bay Beach Club

My family lives across the country from me (I live in MD, they live in CA), whereas FI’s family lives about a 30 minute drive away!  We’ve started doing the alternating holidays thing – Thanksgiving last year with his family, Christmas with mine.  This year, Thanksgiving with my family, Christmas with his.  I hadn’t even thought about how having a baby would complicate this!  As LatteLove said though, his family ‘needs’ him a little more because he’s never really lived far away from them, whereas as soon as I went to college I was 1000s of miles away, so my family is more used to it.  We try to coordinate the times we’ll be home visiting my parents with the days my sister will be there too so we can all celebrate together.

Post # 37
Member
117 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

About 75% of my family and friends live within an hours drive… his entire family live 5000 miles away in Texas (we live in the UK). Although we’re not actually in the official planning stages yet, this is something which weighs heavily on the mind, both for planning and budgeting purposes. If we could afford to fly everyone somewhere for a destination wedding then we would – but several people on both sides don’t like/want to fly, which means whichever way we decide to do it, someone won’t be able to be there. 

I think in the end it’ll happen here (UK) and be followed by a smaller party in Texas, possibly ‘on our way’ to honeymoon. Or else at a slightly later date. 

Living abroad from [his] family and friends means we have to continually bear in mind the next trip, cost of flights, etc… but it’s certainly not something I mind – I love the ‘excuse’ for going to the states to do some shopping once every few months! 😉

Post # 38
Member
465 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I’m in the same position, but we’re 2 hours from his mother, 20 hours from his dad (but he flys up once a year) and 10 hours away from my parents. This will be our first time splitting the holidays, and we’re still not sure how we’re going to do it. My family does a big Thanksgiving AND XMas, plus my birthday is three days after Christmas, and his family basically does nothing.

But I know that it’s unreasonable to go to my parents for both holidays, especially because his mother is going through a recent marriage/possible divorce. So, we don’t want to leave her alone at the holidays, and his sister is less than reliable or helpful. 🙁 I will definately read through these to get an idea of how everyone else does it!

Post # 39
Member
95 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: April 2008

My family lives about 10 hours away- his family lives about 30 minutes away and they have an apartment here in the city too.  So we see them a lot.  My family, we see every year at Christmas!  We drive down and stay at least 3 nights or so.  I actually quite like this solution for us.  Once grandchildren are in the picture we will probably do twice a year- 1 visit to my family in the summer and 1 visit at Christmas.  His family just doesn’t get Christmas with us, but they are very understanding about it since they know it’s the only time we see my family and they get every other holiday/birthdey/etc.

Post # 40
Member
750 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

It seems like there’s a trend that the guys tend to stay closer to their families. We’re the same way; his family is just down the freeway in San Diego (two hours from LA if the traffic gods are smiling) and my family is two plane rides away in rural Ohio.

We’ve been doing the “Thanksgiving with mine, Christmas with his, then switch” for two years now so we’re getting to be old pros. But there’s always a kink in the system. Last year, we got snowed in at O’Hare and practically missed Christmas with either family. And his mom is really into holidays, so we have to get there as soon after Christmas as possible. We also drive down for all the intermediate holidays: Easter, Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, and everyone’s birthdays, which starts to add up.

I’d really love to spend a holiday at home with the Fiance and the cat, but that doesn’t seem to be in our future.

Post # 41
Bee
1048 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2009 - City Hall

This is so hard. My grandparents live on one side of the country, my parents on another, I’m in the middle, and Mr. Mary Jane’s entire family lives within a half-hour radius of us. It’s really nice to have family close, but I really miss mine and we end up using up all our vacation time trying to see them all. My relatives live in great places to visit too, which Grand Forks really isn’t (especially in Winter). So yeah. It’s a problem.

Post # 42
Member
11324 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

Ugh I am dreading this issue. I am super close with my family, who lives an easy 2 hrs away. I have never not spent a Thanksgiving or Christmas with them. My bf’s dad/step-mom live about 3.5 hrs away and his mom/step-dad live about 9-10 hrs away. He doesn’t really get along with any of them but I don’t think we can just NOT every see them for holidays. Thanksgiving won’t be so bad I guess because they don’t celebrate that, but the idea of not being at my parents’ house on Christmas is so weird to me! I’m sure that we’ll just have to work out some kind of alternating schedule, but it will be tough.

Post # 43
Member
256 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Yes we have this problem!  My family lives in Wisconsin (mostly) and Mr Paris’ parents’ live just outside Paris while the rest of his family is near Lyon.  We take turns.  One year Xmas is with my family, the next year we go to see his.  They don’t celebrate Thanksgiving here and I actually have never been home for it.  But maybe one of these years when it’s his turn for Xmas I can take a long weekend and go home for Thanksgiving…It’s just kind of a long and expensive trip to only stay for a long weekend.  What’ll really be interesting is when we have kids!

Post # 44
Member
2889 posts
Sugar bee

Like Miss Paris, we have the Atlantic ocean between my parents and his parents are about a 7 hour drive while his grandparents are another hour from that. Mostly we do the traveling to their places which works because our aunts and uncles live near our parents too. Our first year together, we did Christmas seperately then he came to mine and last year I went to his, this year we’ll go to mine and next year his. For now we are on the switching pattern. Christmas is also a good time for us to get time off from work so it affords us the ability to make the most out of hte trip. I’ve never been home for a Thanksgiving but we have celebrated Thanksgiving with friends (on the following Saturday since there is no Friday off) the past 2 years. This year, his parents offered to come to our apartment for Thanksgiving and bring a turkey so we are planning our first Thanksgiving together. Living outside of the US has really made me appriciate Thanksgiving and whenever we invite friends for their first Thanksgivng they always love it. I too dread having to plan holidays with children.

Post # 45
Member
1276 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

In our case we have to travel for both of our familes.  But most likely it will always be the case that his is closer b/c we’ll probably be on the west coast for our whole lives.  We’re also a bit reversed in terms of “festiveness”.  We have a lot of traditions that include my godparents for thanksgiving and Christmas.  His family mostly just gets together…and often tags along with my SIL’s in-laws who live close to his parents.  We’ve done thanksgiving with his family and my SIL’s in-laws for the last two years…and though I want to be a good sport I actually *hate* it.  Our thanksgiving is maybe my favorite holiday, and though I’m sure their celebration is fine it’s just so different I can’t get over it (we usually all eat together at one table and gather in a big circle holding hands and expressing why we’re thankful before dinner; there’s is much more informal with half the people watching TV during dinner…we’ll delay if they Lions’ game goes long but never watch TV while eating).  I think I’d feel better if it were just his family and not my SIL’s in-laws b/c I feel like I’m spending holidays with a bunch of people I don’t know.  My husband understands this, but there’s a limit to what we can do.  If we go visit them, we can’t force them to have a smaller celebration at their house.  We tried suggesting thanksgiving at our place, but his parents were not up for travelling.

We’re still working it out.  But I totally sympathize…my parents can be difficult but the holidays have always been really great at our house.  Though we’re not Christian, my sister and my birthdays are both in late december so it’s generally a fun time of year (and my Dad usually takes time off).  It’s really hard to have to compromise on that.

Post # 46
Member
2725 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

We live about 15 minutes from most of his family. My dad is about 45 minutes away and the my brothers are about an hour and a half away. So we try to make the rounds with everyone but it’s hard.

Last year, we tried to start figuring out everything in October and nobody wanted to commit to days or times to get together. So we invited my dad and his girlfriend and FI’s parents to our place for dinner. Less than a week before Christmas, his parents tell us they are having dinner at their place with Fiance brother and family and wanted to know if we wanted to come over. WTH????? They forgot we invited them to our place. And we ended up having just my dad and his girlfriend (after I bougt enough food to make dinner for 6). Then we took my dad and his girlfriend over to FI’s parents for dessert. It all worked out but it was very frustrating because we tried to plan ahead.

I’m going to try again to plan early this year. We want to see everybody but we all have to work together to make it work!

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