(Closed) Live near one family but not the other?

posted 10 years ago in Married Life
Post # 47
Member
3525 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

As of now his family is 20 mins away and mine are 8hrs away. Last couple years we’ve started swapping holidays. For example, last year was Thanksgiving with his family and Christmas with mine. This year will be Thanksgiving with my family and Christmas with his. It’s worked pretty well thus far but it also means we travel alot. But oh well, we’re both really close to our families so it’s important that we get to spend holidays with them. In the same resepct we also end up having to alternate which kid’s birthday we get to also. But we try to make it to at least one kid’s birthday every year for each sibling.

Don’t ask me what we plan to do once we start having kids and wanting to actually spend holidays in OUR home. We’ll cross that bridge when we get to it because in a couple months his parents will be 18hrs away in GA. Which means we’ll be travelling for ALL holidays. Yay! =D

I’m just happy none of them are a 20hr PLANE ride away!

Post # 48
Member
631 posts
Busy bee

My parents live far away, his parents live a half hour away.  I constantly feel guilty that I spend more time with his parents than my own.  My parents are super understanding but it’s just hard!  On Christmas, we do our own thing — I fly home to see my parents, he stays here.  That isn’t ideal, but I figure it’s ok until we have kids.  I think people think we’re weird, but it works for us…

Post # 49
Member
206 posts
Helper bee

We have a similar situation where his family is 20 mins away and mine is 8 hours.  Best solution is just try to make it as equal as possible, switch off on holidays/yrs.  I also think his parent needs to understand that your family is far away and you dont see them as often as he sees his parents.We have tried to do a holiday by holiday schedule but it becomes to much of a hassle trying to remember where we were on what holiday, etc.  You may have to even spend some holidays apart, i know it isnt the ideal situation but if you want to be fair to both sides you may have to do it!  If Christmas is a bigger deal to his parents, I’d suggest spending Thanskgiving and Easter with yours. 

Post # 50
Member
155 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

yeah, it’s hard. My family lives 8 hours away and his family lives like 15 minutes from us. I get upset sometimes because i will love to spend more time with my family, and i don’t think it’s fair we spend the majority of weekends with his family, but at the time it’s impossible to travel to be with my family, because it’s expensive for us (we’re still buying stuff for our new house).

Right now, the only thing that keeps me upbeat in this situation it’s that we will get to travel to be with my family at least one time before Christmas this year! i’m very excited!

Post # 51
Member
298 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

We’re in a similar situation to some others — we live in London, his parents live in regional England (4 hours away by train, 5 or so hours driving), and my family is in Australia.

It’s not usually practical for us to go to Australia at holiday times, because the airfares are crazy and we’d prefer to go when the weather is really perfect. For now, we spend Christmas at our home, just the two of us — because I feel bad about always having to spend Christmas with someone’s family who isn’t mine, especially as we’d also have to stay in a hotel if we went there for Christmas. His parents are invited to come to us, and we usually go to visit between Christmas and New Year instead.

I have a feeling it will be more complicated when there are kids involved, though.

Post # 52
Member
1941 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

Yep! Hubs and I live, within a mile or 2? of his parents and the rest of his large clan is here surrounding us. My family has moved to opposite coasts–Philadelphia and Seattle.  Philly loves coming back home and will drive and stay with us whenever she wants, while Seattle is less convienant. It is expensive to fly out and we will be starting a family soon so travel will be less frequent for us. His family is more on the traditional side as far as holidays and such so we will definetly be staying here for the holidays, especially with the new home. It is going to be weird at first but we will see. You never know how things change when children enter the picture.

Post # 53
Member
1573 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

Yeah I moved to England December so we naturally spent it with his family, his family lives withing 30 minutes to one hour of us; his sister took some unusual liking to me and initially kept asking me to hang out every week.

 

I felt bad because my family is one ocean away, he said we can alternate, like we still havent solved it yet, because it’s always going to be closer to one family over the other. My in-laws are actually very good and nice to me,I  just feel jealous I dont see my family and we see his. I just accept it, and try not to feel too jealous. I try not to hang out with his sister too much because it makes me too sad I cant see my own sister, it was really heartbreaking to say goodbye to her at the airport- we had lived close to each other and are superclose. Time of adjustment.

Post # 54
Member
5822 posts
Bee Keeper

We don’t live in the same state as either family.  But we’ve basically set a precedent by not visiting EITHER family this year for holidays.  It is our first year as a family together, so we started our own traditions and did not travel.  It’s very difficult to balance for us as well because all of my family lives within an hour of each other, but his family is spread across the US.  I made a point to fly his mother out from Illinois for our wedding, but I’m not planning on seeing her every year (or even every other year).  We’re both very independent people, and our families know this.  The only kink in my plan is that we’re having a baby and I basically told everyone if they wanted to see the baby they had to come to visit us.  Which means of course everyone is coming at the most inconvenient times!

Post # 55
Member
5822 posts
Bee Keeper

We don’t live in the same state as either family.  But we’ve basically set a precedent by not visiting EITHER family this year for holidays.  It is our first year as a family together, so we started our own traditions and did not travel.  It’s very difficult to balance for us as well because all of my family lives within an hour of each other, but his family is spread across the US.  I made a point to fly his mother out from Illinois for our wedding, but I’m not planning on seeing her every year (or even every other year).  We’re both very independent people, and our families know this.  The only kink in my plan is that we’re having a baby and I basically told everyone if they wanted to see the baby they had to come to visit us.  Which means of course everyone is coming at the most inconvenient times!

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