Post # 1
My dad was watching my daughter while I had physio today. I went to get her and he informed me that she wouldn’t take her bottle and cried for a half an hour. I was surprised since this had never happened before ( she usually switches between bottle and breast no problem. I tried to ask a few questions to figure out why.
He then yelled at me that he didn’t want to talk about it. Since my FI had the car at wordamn dad was my ride home. It was silent for the longest time, until I tried to get him to talk about it. He had that he had other concerns but it wasn’t appropriate to talk about them. Finally I got him to talk to me.
Apparently he was so mad at me for three reasons:1, I wasn’t letting my fI nap on weekends. This is totally not true, we ran into him in the morning and yes my FI was tired so we went home and he had a nap. My dad decided that he was so tired because I wouldn’t let him nap.
2) Apparently it is my job to make sure that my FI never does housework. Ummmm what? Because I stay at home with our daughter my dad thinks that means that I should do everything home related. Sure that would be great but I literally do not get any break during the week when my Fi is at sea. Granted I am not the tidiest person, but still, not fair
3.) this one is partLy true, that I don’t give my Fi any buffer time between home and work. Normally I do, but last week due to the extreme amount of wedding stuff to do I gave him the run down on what needed to get done.
I do not think that this is any of my dads business and I really don’t think it is fair for him to yell at me about stuff that has nothing to do with him but try to justify it by saying,” I just want your marriage to work”. Oh and the kicker, he teaches parenting classes.
Post # 3
Oh. My. Lord.
IMO, you’re absolutely right. He has no business sticking his nose there. If your FI is upset, he should say something, but it doesn’t seem to me (from this post) that he is! Dang sweetie. Good luck!
Post # 4
@Future.McGuffee: Thanks, I wrote him an email basically explaining why I’m upset. I talked to my sister and she totally agrees.
My Fi and dad aren’t close, basically because my dad keeps hurting me ( by doing stuff like this). So I though it was super weird, because Fi and I talk when we have an issue. It was like my dad didn’t think we ever talked. Since my Fi is gone 6+ months a year we have excellent communication.
Post # 5
Your father is way out of line. Make sure that you hold the line on this.
Post # 6
@Mrscdnnavywife: Haha, I know what you mean about communication… FH and I have a LDR; not quite as rigid as the navy, but being apart builds communication because it’s all you have. I hope against hope that things get better for you
Post # 7
You dad seems like he will be a very nosy FIL. He may be having a hard time letting go.
Also, your father is from a different generation. It seems that he has old fashioned ideals of marriage; he thinks it is the 50’s where the men do nothing around the house. My MIL feels the same way. She often made comments about the way her other son should not be waking up with her grandchild, just because he is the man.
My parents are old fashioned too, but they have learned not to butt into our marriage or expect me to do things the way they do. My mother used to ask my husband if I was cooking and cleaning as a wife should. I do most of the housework because I am currently a student who works part time, however my husband does help, especially when I am ill. When I return to work full time, the housework will be split more evenly.
Sometimes parents don’t understand that times have changed. Modern husbands take more of an active role with the children and household. It’s great that you sent your father an email to let him know how you feel. You may also want to let him know that you will ask for his opinion if you require it. Parents mean well, but there are times when they need to be politely and respectfully put in their place.
Post # 8
It is really fascinating when I go to my FPILs for a big family get together (Christmas, Easter etc.) You will see the women preparing the food/cleaning and the men…well they aren’t sitting around doing nothing but the women seem to do more. I think it has improved over the time I’ve been with him, the first family get together all the men sat around watching the football whilst the women cleaned up. I’m not saying this is right or wrong, but IMO everyone should help out in different ways. I think my FMIL and OP’s father come from the generation of “women do all things house related”.
(Just so you know, my fiancé is good at helping out around the house…he just doesn’t do it when his mum is there because she will just fuss after him and do it again, so it is easier not to! If he wasn’t helpful, I would soon put him in his place!
Post # 9
@Mrscdnnavywife: NONE of this is your dad’s business. not one tiny iota of it! and even though he had these concerns, he could have calmly asked you about them, not blown up at you.
i would tell him in no uncertain terms that he needs to butt out, and give you the benefit of the doubt. fi being tired one time does not equal fi never sleeps in etc.
and i won’t even go on to the whole ‘it’s your job to do housework’ thing – that is so offensive. the division of labour in your marriage does not concern him in any way.
i’d make it clear that topics like this aren’t up for discussion, period.