(Closed) Livid with my dad, long rant

posted 4 years ago in Family
Post # 3
274 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Oh. My. Lord.

IMO, you’re absolutely right. He has no business sticking his nose there. If your FI is upset, he should say something, but it doesn’t seem to me (from this post) that he is! Dang sweetie. Good luck! 

Post # 5
1735 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Your father is way out of line. Make sure that you hold the line on this.

Post # 6
274 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@Mrscdnnavywife:  Haha, I know what you mean about communication… FH and I have a LDR; not quite as rigid as the navy, but being apart builds communication because it’s all you have. I hope against hope that things get better for you

Post # 7
682 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

You dad seems like he will be a very nosy FIL. He may be having a hard time letting go.

Also, your father is from a different generation. It seems that he has old fashioned ideals of marriage; he thinks it is the 50’s where the men do nothing around the house. My MIL feels the same way. She often made comments about the way her other son should not be waking up with her grandchild, just because he is the man.

My parents are old fashioned too, but they have learned not to butt into our marriage or expect me to do things the way they do. My mother used to ask my husband if I was cooking and cleaning as a wife should. I do most of the housework because I am currently a student who works part time, however my husband does help, especially when I am ill. When I return to work full time, the housework will be split more evenly.

Sometimes parents don’t understand that times have changed. Modern husbands take more of an active role with the children and household. It’s great that you sent your father an email to let him know how you feel. You may also want to let him know that you will ask for his opinion if you require it. Parents mean well, but there are times when they need to be politely and respectfully put in their place.

Post # 8
2485 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

It is really fascinating when I go to my FPILs for a big family get together (Christmas, Easter etc.) You will see the women preparing the food/cleaning and the men…well they aren’t sitting around doing nothing but the women seem to do more. I think it has improved over the time I’ve been with him, the first family get together all the men sat around watching the football whilst the women cleaned up. I’m not saying this is right or wrong, but IMO everyone  should help out in different ways. I think my FMIL and OP’s father come from the generation of “women do all things house related”. 

(Just so you know, my fiancé is good at helping out around the house…he just doesn’t do it when his mum is there because she will just fuss after him and do it again, so it is easier not to! If he wasn’t helpful, I would soon put him in his place!

Post # 9
2300 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

@Mrscdnnavywife:  NONE of this is your dad’s business. not one tiny iota of it! and even though he had these concerns, he could have calmly asked you about them, not blown up at you. 

i would tell him in no uncertain terms that he needs to butt out, and give you the benefit of the doubt. fi being tired one time does not equal fi never sleeps in etc. 

and i won’t even go on to the whole ‘it’s your job to do housework’ thing – that is so offensive. the division of labour in your marriage does not concern him in any way. 

i’d make it clear that topics like this aren’t up for discussion, period. 

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