(Closed) Living 4 hours away from family and friends, and trying to plan a wedding….

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1292 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

@agraham85:  I’m sorry. I’m kind of in the same boat so I know exactly how you feel. It’s really really rough, I know.  

I’m planning a destination wedding for myself which is in my hometown. Only my immediate family still lives in this hometown so it’s destination for 90% of the people, who probably won’t be coming because it’s so far. And I understand that. Also, I haven’t lived in my current city long enough so I don’t have many friends here to help. So that’s my story.

A few things that have helped me….Nobody will EVER care about your wedding as much as you do. It sounds so simple (and maybe a little harsh) but they just won’t. This was a tough pill to swallow at first but now that I keep reminding myself of this, it makes it easier to handle their indifference. It’s my wedding, not theirs. And though you want everyone to be super excited..it just won’t happen. Sometimes I wish my mom was a super wedding planner, involved in all the details (like some mom’s I read about) but she’s not. And that’s okay. Be strong. I just did all of my invitations by myself…just finished about 10 minutes ago. I wanted to cry… I have NO help here… But I keep reminding myself that I’m a strong person and I CAN DO THIS!! Weddings bring out the worst in people. I have been SO annoyed at my sisters throughout this adventure. Saying they will do things, then they don’t, changing their minds, being difficult, cheap, etc. I just have to ignore these things because after this wedding, they will still be my sisters!

And I totally understand being away from them. Because the wedding is in their hometown, they all got together to go look at venues. Yep, Without Me. Which is what I wanted but thinking about it makes me so sad.

Post # 4
Member
2295 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I’m sorry. I am planning while living far away from all my family and bridesmaids (Mom is 15 hours away, Dad is 15 hours a different direction, 2 bridesmaids are 3 hours away, the other one is 4.5 hours away). However, it isn’t bothering me, so I don’t feel like I can relate. That doesn’t mean your feelings aren’t valid though. I’m just used to living far away from people, plus I am super independent and like making my own decisions on decor and style stuff.

Are you just bummed about the wedding planning, or is being 4 hours away just bothering you in general, and the wedding is magnifying it?

Post # 6
Member
8444 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

@agraham85:  you should go home and have the best pity party ever!  I’m serious, I did this (good cry in a bubble bath) after I realized I had no girl friends or family here (I’m in NC and my friends and family are in CA).  After I got all the tears out, I realized that I was a lucky girl to have a wonderful man and a wedding in the future.  Even though I couldn’t get a lot of help from my BMs, I just told myself to look at the brightside, at least I wouldn’t have a bunch of people telling me what I should and shouldn’t do.  *HUGS*

Post # 7
Member
423 posts
Helper bee

I’ll agree with Housebee here. It is damn difficult to find a wonderful man who is ready to love, hold and support you for the rest of your life. Your marriage is a joining of your soul with that of this amazing guy that you have. It is holy, blissful and wonderful. Don’t lose sight of that in the nitty gritties of the wedding plans. Just feel grateful to God for this wonderful gift of matrimony and go with the flow – give up your pre-conceived notions of how a wedding should be. You’ll literally find things falling into place one by one. 

Post # 8
Member
771 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@agraham85:  Sorry buddy!  That stinks!

While I didn’t have the same situation as you, specifically planning from a distance, my sister was my Maid/Matron of Honor and only girl I had.  During wedding planning she had a 2 year old and a new baby on the way (then baby eventually arrived which kept my sister quite busy!).  Needless to say, me and my wedding were NOT her priority.  And it was ok.  I’m not going to lie and say I didn’t get peeved at times… I would call her for opinions and she would either not answer or cut the call short because someone was crying, hungry, fussy, etc.  It was a tad upsetting at times BUT you have to understand that your wedding is not going to be everyone’s priority.  To pretty much everyone except the bride, it’s a big ole party and nothing short of that!

I imagine that you’re also particularly over-sensitive considering they are simply farther away.  A move, distance between you and your family, planning a wedding… that’s bound to make someone a wee bit nutty from time to time.  It’s ok.  Just take a breath, give it some time, and eventually this utter disappointment will fade away.

Going forward, just lower your expectations a bit.  If your family continues to let you down, it’s ok to talk to them about it.  Just be calm, rational, explain how you’re feeling… don’t be accusatory.  And hear them out. 

Best of luck!

Post # 9
Member
3357 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

my parents are on the other side of the planet, and my mother couldn’t even participate in dress shopping with me, both my bridesmaids lived in different cities, so I completely understand how you feel. On one hand, I wished my mother could be with me and experience the whole thing with me, but on the other hand, thank goodness she wasn’t because she would have made everything go her way!

Post # 10
Member
55 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I understand!  FH lives 8 hours away and my family live 12 hours away.  🙁 Our wedding location is 10 hours away, and I’ve only been there once (my FH’s hometown).  However,  I’m holding to the fact that the most important thing is that I get to marry my Mister.  I’m so stinkin’ blessed to have him!  Can’t wait ’til those 8 hours away becomes just opening my eyes in the morning.  🙂  Prayers for you as you plan long distance as well!

Post # 11
Member
1710 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013 - Walt Disney World

Go ahead and have a pity party every once in a while if it will make you feel better afterward. Then get back up and dust yourself off and continue on with your checklist.  As others have said, you will be the most excited about the wedding, well, because, it’s your big day.  I totally feel you!  The Fiance and I live in VA (and he is currently deployed), my family lives in FL, and his family lives in MI.  On top of it, I don’t have any close friends that live near me, so I really only have the cat and dog to keep me company, lol.  It does hurt a little when you text/call/email your family/BMs/other friends about wedding stuff and they’re like “yeah, that’s cool, I really need to get my crying baby.”  But, right now, what they are dealing with is the priority for them.  Oh well.  I guess just relish what special moments you are sharing with your family and friends in terms of wedding planning and just keep being excited about how your big day will turn out.  Big hugs!

Post # 12
Member
2389 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

My mom went dress shopping with me, but other than that I did everything myself.  Frankly, I kind of liked it that way – my opinion (and my H’s) were the only ones that mattered!

Post # 13
Member
3569 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I feel like four hours is not that far away. My Parents live about three hours from me, Fi and his family live on the other side of the country.

I think a couple things are happening, first no one is going to care about your wedding as much as you are, two you are over a year out. I started planning over a year out and I got much of the same responses/lack of interest from vendors and friends and family. I didn’t take it personally(most of the timeTongue Out). Let your Sister go watch her game you do have time.

My other suggestion is to set a few days or weekends and invite your family to come down, breakup the wedding stuff with dinners, movies and fun so they don’t get bored. We done one big wedding  four day weekend with our family, and will do another in the spring. My Fi and I keep one mater excel list and document and email back and forth.

The final word of advice is don’t put all these expectations about how your sister and mom are supposed to act. If your sister doesn’t care about weddings she isn’t going to suddenly develop a huge interest simply because you are getting married. She is who she is, and play to those strengths or include her in those parts of your weddings. So if she likes flowers or is a bakes ask her for input on those things. You will save yourself a lot of hurt feelings if you have realistic expectations of them.

Post # 14
Member
909 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I know how you feel. My family is all in upstate NY and my fiance and I living in Virginia now so we are about 7 hours away. It’s hard to plan from afar but I’m going to try to go up once a month until the wedding :/

Post # 15
Member
4656 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Sucks. I’m 14 hours by plane away from friends, family, and venue, so I know how you feel. It’s like you have to do the worst things and sacrifice so much of your dream wedding (if you’re not rich) and you don’t even get the fun parts of wedding planning!

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