(Closed) Living apart to finish degree and go to Grad school

posted 6 years ago in Long Distance Relationships
Post # 3
3871 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Could you go check out schools near Boeing?  They should have universities that offer English degrees that you could transfer, too. Also, you could check out their graduate school programs, too. 

ETA: I don’t know which Boeing location he would get a job at but I found this list of universities that offer your program.


Anyway, good luck in whatever you decide.

Post # 4
1079 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

We’re not married yet, but are in a similar situtation.  I stayed where we were living while he went to graduate school so that I could keep my job (it is next to impossible to find such a nice job in my field right now).  We’re a few weeks into our second year now and I will be so happy when it’s over.  After that, I’m willing to compromise on my job so that we can be together.  Have you two done long distance before?  It’s really challenging but the school calendar with all of it’s long breaks makes it doable.  Although I must say, that I told him I refuse to do any more long distance after we are married.  We’ve done long distance for over half of our six year relationship for various different reasons.

Post # 5
1423 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

I’m  currently in a PhD program.  It’s very common for academic couples (whether one or both but especially if both are academics) to live apart for a year now and then — or even for a number of years now and then.  Academia can be a lonely life — I’m not going to sugar-coat it. You really have to love it to do it. 

Post # 7
963 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I am living this right now. My husband graduated and got a job 4 hours away in May. I’m staying put until December to finish my degree. It’s not an ideal situation, but good jobs are hard to find and we were already planning to leave the area when I graduated. Luckily 4 hours is not too far and my husband visits most weekends. Financially, living apart is very tough as well

For your situation, I would definitely stay to finish your undergrad. Education is important and he should understand that. As far as grad school, maybe try asking him to focus his job search in areas near grad schools you’d like to attend. If that won’t work then you will probably have to decide between going to your favorite school or living with your husband and doing a less desirable grad program . It’s a tough decision with no right answer, but hopefully your time apart during undergrad may help clarify things.

Post # 9
1079 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@grownfromaseed:  I definitely understand why you are so concerned.  I spent gobs of time looking up things about couples doing long distance during graduate school and found equally bleak stories.  I think it’s totally what you guys make of it though.  We’ve found a lot of ways to make it work, you just have to be willing to invest the time and be able to trust your partner.  I think the biggest thing that has helped me out was having a definite end date and one of us always had plans to visit the other even if it was 2 months away.  This me a solid, mark it on the calendar date that I could look forward to. 

Post # 10
34 posts
  • Wedding: August 2012

I am doing a one year long distance marriage, five and a half hours apart by car through the mountains, to complete the last year of my graduate program. For me, it’s not important or necessary to get a Ph.D so this will have amounted (with our engagement) to a two year discombobulation of the life I ideally would have wanted. But, next year, I can get the job I want, so for us it’s worth it. Especially since my husband’s job is much less specific than mine and let’s be honest, more “hireable” (he’s law enforcement, I’m science). Now on a personal note let me say I am already so ready for this to be over! I think that the separation from the life I really want – with him – is making this year hard. 

For you, because no one else know these things, I would say, what are your priorities? Be honest with yourself and about the life both of you want to lead that will make you happy. How much time off can you take? Can you afford frequent visits? Et cetera….

However, the first part of this is your undergrad, and so there is an end in sight for that part of it. No hesitation, I would say git ‘er done where you are. 

The part about your life path…Ph.D…research and soul searching. Figure out what you need to be happy. 

I agree with other posters in thinking that your situation and your temperaments are the most important factors in this decision. 

good luck! 


Post # 11
11 posts
  • Wedding: October 2012

Is it at all possible to finish your degree online?

My fiance and I were faced with the same dilemma.  He got a promotion and got moved to France.  We agonized over whether I would follow or stay in Kansas to finish my degree.  It took a lot of time and a few frustrated fights before we decided.  In our particular situation, being apart was not our only option.  It took a lot of digging, but I eventually found an accredited university online that offered my degree.  For me personally, I see it as, “We would survive the distance, no doubt.  But why put ourselves through the pain if we did not absolutely have to?”

I hope you get it all sorted out.  All the best to you! 

Post # 12
289 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I am concerned with this as well.

I am not sure where my job will take me, and SO will be in MD school, so he is staying put for at least 4 years before residency.

But getting married after graduation from undergrad is nearly non-negotiable, so I’m wondering how he would feel if we were forced to live apart, but still be married? I feel like it would be easier if you were married than if you weren’t. But I am so unsure.

Post # 13
10571 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2011

I did it, but he was only living a bit over 2 hours away.  I saw Darling Husband on weekends.  He just got recolated back to the city this month.  It’s a bit of a funny situation, as even though it was only 2 hours away, he couldn’t stay here overnight most of the time, because he might have been called to go somewhere that was even further away.  He still has to do that at times, but it’s understood that he can’t be there as soon because he’s located here.

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