(Closed) Living in “Sin”

posted 7 years ago in Catholic
Post # 3
Member
40 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2012

@Mrs.tobe: People just like to throw numbers out there to freak you out when youre doing something they dont agree with. Those who have lived with their partner for years before they married are quick to judge couples who wait to live together until marriage… and those who are waiting criticise others who live together calling it a sin. They throw the stats and the word divorce around to irritate you.

That being said, I dont live with my Fiance and I have been with him for 5 years. Ive heard peoples opinions and I dont care for them because nobody is a mind reader and my love and relationship with someone can only be understood by me and my Fiance.

Post # 7
Member
1729 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

We are too…

I wish we hadn’t to begin with. 🙁

Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE living with him. I’ve told my story a couple times here, but basically, I am just sad that what I always wanted to be a special thing after the wedding will no longer be. It was a weird situation that led to me making the decision to move in with him, but basically all the reasons FOR cohabitating (finding out each other’s quirks, getting the adjustment period over with before you begin your marriage, etc.) just did not apply with us. There was no “adjustment.” We’ve never once had so much as the tiniest argument over ANY living together issues, and could not possibly get along better than we do. This would have been a dream come true for me if it could have waited til after the wedding.

So ironically, I’m a cohabitating bride against cohabitation, despite the fact that it’s worked out very happily for us.

Post # 9
Member
14496 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

We have been living together for 4 1/2 years and I don’t have a worry in the world that we will be together for the long haul.  Then again, we are older so that isn’t as long as most of the bees 😉

Post # 11
Member
184 posts
Blushing bee

Mrs. Seashell had an interesting article about this!

Bf and I are living together; we have for about 4 years.  At the time we decided to move in together, it was to end our long distance relationship and actually be able to see eachother regularly. I wouldn’t take back the times we’ve had together, but like littlemissmango, I too wish that we’d have that special experience after we get married.  I think we’ll be fine though 🙂

Post # 12
Member
151 posts
Blushing bee

Well, statistics are just that.  What will happen to the majority of people.  I think it’s been proven that you don’t NEED to live together first in order to “find out” about the other person and that the kind of person who does live together first is more likely to call it quits down the road.  I’ve also observed that, IMO, living together is much better for the man than for the woman emotionally.  We need to feel cherished and committed to and they seem to get that through cohabitation while we somehow just don’t. (This is just a generalization, might not apply to individuals.)

Whether or not your marriage with succeed on an individual basis, will never be because of statistics, but rather on whether you both have the committment to see eachother through the tough times and enjoy the great times and always put your realationship first despite outside demands.

My hubby and I just celebrated our 17th anniversary last month and we lived together for 5 and a half years before that.  We are still deeply in love and try to be very kind to eachother every day.  His brother and my SIL did NOT live together and are celebrating their 18 year anniversay the day after my daughter’s wedding.

I really believe that in marriage the thing you have to do is #1 choose wisely and #2 treat kindly. 

Post # 14
Member
133 posts
Blushing bee

I’ve seen the study your priest referenced.  What that study really points out is that non-religious people tend to cohabitate and non-religious people tend to divorce.  The study didn’t look at religious people that cohabitate (because the study would have found that a person’s religiousness or lack thereof is the cause for divorce, not the cohabitation).

Post # 15
Member
583 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Also, I think these studies don’t differentiate between couples who moved in together without a real plan for their futures and people who are engaged or definitely have a wedding in mind. That’s a big difference to me. For people who move in together more or less for convenience and who are still in the mindset that it’s a dating relationship that might just be temporary, sometimes the only reason they got married was because the woman pressured the man into it or because it felt like everyone expected them to.

Also, you could consider that lower-income couples might be more likely to move in prematurely for economic reasons (rather than because it’s right for the relationship), and those same economic stresses can trouble a marriage later on. Lower incomes have sometimes been correlated with divorce as well. 

But when a couple who could afford to live apart moves in together with a definite plan to spend the rest of their lives together, and that commitment is there before moving in, I don’t think it would make a huge difference in a divorce likelihood.

These 2 factors and the religion question could explain the statistics.

Post # 16
Member
10288 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

“Most couples who cohabitated before marriage were more likely to get a divorce.”

Sorry, but I think that study is ass-backwards. Co-habitating only builds the relationship and teaches the couple how to deal with their issues before they are forced to due so by marriage. I would have never considered marrying someone that I didn’t live with first. 

Fiance and I have lived together for almost 5 years. Whenever I see “living in sin”, it makes me laugh. My mother always tells me we’re “living in sin” but she is the absolute least religious person (well besides Fiance and I) that I know. She just says it to be annoying, she doesn’t actually mean it. 

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