(Closed) Potential Apartment-cest and breaking a lease

posted 7 years ago in Home
Post # 4
Member
1325 posts
Bumble bee

Um, I really don’t know what to say.

Breaking a lease is totally possible, if he wants to pay the $$$$. There usually isn’t much someone can do to get out of a lease early except for turning the lease over to someone else.

Also, it’s his living situation, he is responsible for it. You can help him, but he has to figure it out.

Post # 5
Member
2091 posts
Buzzing bee

Let him live in the same building if his is so bad. Just set a rule and stick to it, something like “no more than 3 sleepovers a week”. That kind of thing.

Post # 6
Member
151 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I understand where you are coming from — the temptation will just be so much greater if he’s right down the hall, as opposed to across town or even across the street! I think your solution (waiting it out a month) sounds like your best option.

If it really does come down to him taking an apartment in your building, @Gingersnap‘s idea of setting rules for both of you to stick sounds good. It gives you something to fall back on and say “look, we agreed to XYZ so we shouldn’t be doing ABC” if ever the situation arises. Also, keep your parents informed every step of the way, rather than just letting them “find out”, and therefore potentially freak out, that you’re in the same building later on.

Post # 7
Member
3461 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I don’t see why he needs to move into your building if you are against it.  There are lots of other options out there for him.  It seems like he is bugged at your decision, made an apt decision in a hurry, is backing out of it now and guilting you into going along with it.  Stick by your initial decision if the reasons are still valid.  Tell him you’ll help him look for a new place and try to find him one that’s good for his needs. 

The landlord has a duty to mitigate damages from the lease breaking, which is to say any costs for finding a new tenant/time the apt is empty can be charged to your bf but he shouldn’t be charging you the full lease price to do it.  It’ll be easier on you both to break it now and not a month into the lease because then you’ve had to do two moves and it’ll be harder to find someone who will take the lease (people from school will already have found locations).  Know it may be very very hard to get the deposit back, even if the landlord loses no money over it.  Some states have more friendly landlord/tenant laws than others.  And tell him to chalk this up to a good lesson that you should always try to see if the surrounding area will be pleasant to live in (e.g. are there any trains a la My Cousin Vinny?  any smells a la the sewage treatment plant in How I Met Your Mother?  or simply the standard college party building).

Post # 9
Member
10366 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

1. You guys will kill each other living in a studio apartment.

2. This is your only chance to have your own off-campus living experience on your own before marriage. I think you should really cherish that and experience it. It’s something I enjoyed tremendously – don’t skip over that phase just because it’s easier for your boyfriend.

Post # 10
Member
2522 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

I agree with crayfish. I moved in with my Fiance (we have separate rooms for religious reasons) during my Sophomore year of college, a year before we were engaged.  If I were to do it over again, I wouldn’t live with my fiance.  I know it sounds really counterintuitive but I think I missed out on living “on my own.” I love my Fiance very much and can’t wait to be married, but there is something to be said of holding off and trying your own thing first.  Those experiences can’t be done after you’re married.  There’s no going back, so just living on your own for a year is something you should try.

Post # 11
Member
390 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

@Yeeta: I find it just a tad bit weird that your fiance is not “allowed” to move into your apartment complex–despite the convenience, low rent, and better neighborhood. I guess I just don’t see the logic behind dictating that he can’t move somewhere nice because you’re there. If you honestly believe that you shouldn’t be living together (for religious or personal reasons) then you should have the willpower to keep yourself from spending every night there.

On a personal side note, I can tell you that I had a bf who was living in the same complex I was (two buildings over) and we did not spend every night together. We would have dinner occassionally, watch a movie, and then go our separate ways. Being in the same complex didn’t take away from me having my own space.

Post # 12
Member
3461 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@Ms. Polar Bear: I disagree, it makes a lot of sense to me.  She wrote, “it will kill the “my place” and “your place” aspect we had been going for.” It’s not about them having sex and spending frequent nights together, it’s about having a separate life before they get married and live together.  Little things from not feeling obligated to invite him to dinner when she has friends over, to making the time they do spend together more special and less an everyday casual.  Furthermore, given the distance from his school, the place doesn’t seem all that attractive for him – certainly it’s not as good of a place as it is for her.  He’s just being lazy and not properly researching his options.  I find it hard to believe there is a not a better apartment building for him closer to his school, also in a decent neighborhood.  If he really wants to live close to her, he can always find another building or propose.  ๐Ÿ™‚

If you honestly believe that you shouldn’t be living together (for religious or personal reasons) then you should have the willpower to keep yourself from spending every night there.  Also, this is faulty logic to me, an irrelevant conclusion.  She is smart to identify a problematic situation and remove herrself from it.  This ability to identify the situation in advance does NOT equate to the willpower to avoid temptation.

Post # 13
Member
390 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

@kay01: Thanks for trying to dissect what I was trying to say, but that is MY opinion and I am allowed to have it, just as much as you are allowed to have yours. I don’t need you to tell me why my opinion is “faulty” or “irrelevant”. So do me a favor and get off my back. The point of threads is to give advice where it is asked for, not for you to try to debate your point of view with me, or try to put down my opinion because it doesn’t agree with yours.

The fact of the matter is I didn’t hear her say the guy was controlling–in fact he just suggested being close to her, and if you read closely he is a 30 minute walk from his school (I consider that pretty darn close if one has a car). If being geographically close to a boyfriend/soon-to-be fiance is a hinderence then maybe one should not be thinking about getting married.

 

Post # 14
Member
3461 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@Ms. Polar Bear: Of course you are entitled to your opinion.  I was just explaining why one part of the reasoning in it was not clear or as strong as it might otherwise be.  I labeled it an irrelevant conclusion because that is one type of logical fallacy.  Here’s an example: http://www.philosophypages.com/lg/e06a.htm 

I am confused as to why you bring up the topic of her boyfriend being controlling.  I agree she never said that (and I never said he was controlling either).

Post # 15
Member
390 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

@kay01: I brought up controlling because that is the only logical reason I could see for getting that upset over your significant other moving into the same apartment complex. The reaction itself is illogical.

Either way, I am quite done with this topic. I gave my opinion, whether the OP agrees or disagrees is her business.

Post # 16
Member
305 posts
Helper bee

Am I missing something here?  OP are you calling dibs on an apartment complex that you aren’t even going to be able to move into for another year?  While there usually is a pretty high turnover in apts near colleges, there is no guarantee that you will even be able to move in next year.  The place might be completely booked by the time your school allows you to move next year.

While it could be laziness on your BF’s account for not finding someplace else/closer to his school, a 30 minute walk is what 2 miles?  And not really that far.   With properly agreed upon ground rules, you can still maintain your separate lives living in the same complex. 

And unless your parent’s can afford to buy out the apartment complex, I don’t really think it’s reasonable of them to dictate who else lives there.

The topic ‘Potential Apartment-cest and breaking a lease’ is closed to new replies.

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