Post # 1
My husband and I have been touring the country together for 3 years. So in a way we have lived together for 3 years. (We got married this last summer) The last three years while we have been off tour or in the studio we have lived in Seattle, Minneapolis, Denver, Atlanta, Orlando, San Francisco, and now San Diego. My hubby does extremely well with tours and he loves to travel, but when we’re off tour I think he wants to relax. But instead I can’t sit still and I drag him all over the place. We haven’t lived anywhere together for longer than 3 months because I get anxious and want to get back on the road.
Basically what it comes down to is I have no idea what I want. I’m so restless and I want it all. I love him so much and I absolutely love our lives, but I can’t help but think this will get old.
We’ve been off tour for two months living in a small San Diego apartment. He came home last night and I was packing up our things, I told him I was just cleaning through some stuff. But still he sat down and knew I was trying to make things feel more temporary. He asked me where we were off to this time. My heart broke.
He allows for us to move around because he knows its how I’m wired, but I don’t wanna wear him out. Honesly I think it’s because something is wrong with me, like I’m trying to run away from something or I don’t know. He is so sweet about it, so I wanna give him what he wants
Our relationship couldn’t be better, we are so extremely happy. Completely in love. I just know this will get old and it hurts to see him doing all of this moving because of me.
Post # 3
Well it sounds like you both love each other very much and want to make each other happy. I think you need to think about what is more important to you?
Someone quoted Dr. Phil saying this:
If my wife, on a scale of 1 to 10 wants another baby at a 12, but I only want a baby around a 3, then who am I to deny her something that would make her SO happy.
I’m guessing that is maybe how your husband feels. He knows moving around is like #12 important to you, but staying in one place is like a 3 for him. He doesn’t want to deny you your happiness.
However, you also can’t ignore his desires. It sounds like he might be getting to the end of his rope. Maybe you can put a time limit such as only 2 places per year for the next 5 years and then after that 1 city per year. Is there a way that through the moving around you can make it easier on him?
Post # 4
Is the moving related to your career or is it just for fun? What do you and he do for jobs with such frequent moves? Moving is expensive and I can’t imagine it is so easy to get a job when you’ve moved so much in the past. If it is career related that you’re on tour with a band or something, I think that’S a completely different situation than if you just feel the need to move.
Post # 5
Are you planning to have kids anytime soon? Because that will bring your touring to a screeching halt. Maybe hubby is secretly waiting for that?
Post # 6
I think that love for each other is undeniable from what you wrote, but there is obviously some underlying issues of why you have ants in your pants to move from one place to another to another to another. You must not be a cancer 😉 (cancers are total homebodies).
I think you should seek some therapy….find a place you both like out of all the places you’ve been, settle down and set goals….lets try to be here 1 year, and seek some therapy of why you always want to move..I think there may be some underlying issues that have not been exposed to you, once you are aware of them, I think you’ll be more conscious. good luck!!!! I love travelling myself…but there is nothing better than coming home to your base! 🙂
Post # 7
@caszos: Where can I find that quote on the Interwebs?! SO needs to see that… O.o
Post # 8
if you cut down the moving to a few places a year… you can still do weekend trips and tours and things.
Maybe there is something wrong tho, perhaps counseling? or talking to someone? There’s definitely other ways to channel all that energy you have ….
Post # 9
there’s definitely something going on that makes you feel like you need to move so often. frankly, it doesn’t sound healthy. seek counseling and try to figure out why you need to move all the time.
Post # 10
Thanks everyone, I honestly feel a lot better just being able to vent about it, not that that fixes the problem. I guess I’ve been looking for a place that feels like home, and honestly I love California. But it is extremely expensive and I hate our apartment. (When you’re off tour you spend a lot of time at home) But it’s alright I guess. We also have friends in almost every city so that motivates me to move around too. Like if we don’t find an apartment right away we always have friends to stay with. So I don’t know, I think a big part of it goes back to how I grew up. I felt extremely trapped in one place, so maybe that’s why I can’t seem to sit still.
@Sasha2011 We are not having kids quite yet 🙂 Eventually. We have talked a lot about it but we are still young. I’m 21 and he’s 28. We are enjoying ourselves. We are the happiest when we tour, waking up in a different city every morning. It’s such a lively experience. So we are just living it up. (Our friends call us the settled down couple that will never settle down) But I want to be pregnant around 25. Which we have talked about what city we will really “settle down’ in to raise a family. The future looks so promising, I just want my husband to be happy right now also.
@slicey19 Yes, we tour in a band so when we’re off tour we live off the money from touring and from our record label. We certianly aren’t rich but we have enough to live comfortably. Plus when tour ends it can end anywhere in the country so instead of flying back to wherever, we end up getting a place in town or make our way to our next favorite city. Our record label is in Seattle, so when we have studio time we live there for around six weeks and sometimes stick around for longer.