Post # 1
Dh and I have had a really tough year. it came to the point he even told me he doesn’t love me anymore and we should call it quits a few times. Heartbroken, I tried everything to pursuade him to not give up on us yet. I basically catered to everything he wanted and not fight about anything anymore no matter how unhappy I am. Now that school is starting in August ( we are in school), I’m beginning to feel that I might not be able to focus if we stay in the same place. the apartment basically reminds me of the nights I spend waiting for him to come around or staring at the door wishing he comes home, the place where he told me he wants out etc. I found a place with a few friends and I’m thinking of taking it. It’s only a 10 min drive from our place and we could still see each other whenever. I’m not really sure what to do or if by doing this it will ruin us forever or if I’m just being selfish and crazy?
Post # 2
Space might give you perspective. I would probably go for it and see where it leads.
Post # 3
How long have you been married? What reasons does he cite for wanting out? How old are you guys?
Post # 4
4 years, we are 25 and 27. The main reason he gave was he does not love me anymore
Post # 5
So sorry sweetie. Sounds like it’s been miserable. I def recommend getting the place, if not just to have company around like roomies, and peace and quiet, but also to focus on your studies. must be so hard to work when you are dealing with so much. Perhaps being away will bring you two close together, perhaps it won’t. either way, you are investing in your own happiness and career. Hugs
Post # 6
awww I’m sorry Bee. I can’t even imagine how tough that’s been for you. Please don’t think I’m being very insensitive here but you guys got married so young, before you’d really finished rounding out your personalities and adult selves that it’s not uncommon for that process to end and turn around and find yourself with a total stranger. It sounds like that’s what happened to your husband.
The hard truth is that you can never make anyone stay with you or love you. If someone checks out of a marriage and doesn’t know that it’s normal to have an in love, out of love cycle going on then that’s just immaturity on their part. I’m not in any way, shape or form trying to minimize your suffering, or downplay your wanting to save your marriage but sometimes it’s best to cut your losses when there no more love, respect or willingness to be IN the relationship.
You can begin anew and find someone who loves who you are NOW.
Post # 7
If you’re having serious problems I feel like moving out is the beginning of the end. I would try to live somewhere else for 30 days or something but not sign a lease for a year. If he wants to work on things I would try to go to counseling. If he doesn’t I would separate. I don’t think I could live in between and consider myself married to someone who didn’t love me and living somewhere else.
Post # 8
Wow, I can only imagine how hard all of this has been for you and I’m really sorry you’re in this situation.
Not knowing squat about your situation or husband, I’m very hesitant to give advice on what this move could do to or for your marriage but I almost feel like it’s irrelevant. I think right now it’s very important that you take good care of yourself and your own needs, especially since it sounds like you’ve sacrificed a lot of your own desires recently. Loosing yourself and your happiness will not help you or your marriage.
I think that it sounds like this move could have a positive impact on your life and that is reason enough to go for it. It is possible to nurture both yourself and your relationship at the same time – these things need not be mutually exclusive. I hope that you are able to find some happiness and enjoyment in the next little while and bring that positivity to the relationship with your husband while you continue to work things out.
Wishing you the very best of luck!
Post # 9
So the only reason you are still together is you twisted yourself into someone you aren’t in order to keep your husband, who doesn’t love you, around? No wonder you want to move out while in school. There is no way you can pretend to be someone else and have the energy to focus on school.
I think you should move out, not because you need to focus on school. But because, you shouldn’t have to pretend to be someone else to keep you marriage together. Marriage is where you should be 100% your true self. The raw, ugly, unwashed, you. And your spouse will love you for it.
You married young. He’s changed and doesn’t want the real you anymore. I’m sorry to have to say that. But you shouldn’t stay in a marriage for the next 50 years if you have to pretend to be someone else. That’s not a real marriage.
Move out, file for legal separation, try couple’s counseling, but if that doesn’t work, divorce.
PS–whatever you do, make sure you have good birth control. The last thing you need is a kid (or another one if you already have one)
Post # 10
Thanks for the advice guys! Still contemplating here but definitely have to make a decision soon
Post # 11
I am all for it in your case. You can’t make someone try to fix a marriage, and you have done so much already. Don’t let this harm your studies. A little space so you can gather some peace and self esteem back would be so good for you. It’s not healthy to be around someone who is rejecting you and abandoning you consistently. Good luck, bee.