Post # 1
My Fiance and I live in seperate places. He bought us a house and I still live in my apartment. The reason we opted for this is because he has children from a previous marriage and I do as well. We do have sleep overs and stay weekends but we are waiting til just a few months before the wedding to live together, because we want to set a good example for our children. Does this seem weird to anyone? We get alot of open mouth stares when people find out we are not living together. Our children love each other and its always sad when we go our seperate ways but we also know that we arent rushing them to adjust quickly. We have set a time frame for move in.
By August we will add an extra days to the arrangement and keep adding each month til we are just there. This gives the kids time to adjust to being with each other more. We believe that doing while leading up to the wedding will make it easier for the kids are we are incorporating them into the wedding and letting them help.
Has anyone else done this before?
Post # 3
I think what you’re doing is entirely appropriate. When you have kids, the whole thing is different. You can’t live with someone quite as easily without the kids getting confused, even if you ARE getting married eventually.
Post # 4
- Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry
I think it’s showing very responsible parenting not to live together before the wedding. Fiance and I aren’t living together until after the wedding, due to roommates and leases. My roommate moved out the end of April, and I’m going to enjoy the next two months- last time I’ll live alone!
Post # 5
You’re neither wrong nor right to anyone but yourselves. If you want to live separately before you get married, then do it.
Personally, I think it’s weird, because I would never marry someone that I hadn’t lived with, and I don’t feel like not living together isn’t setting a good example.
Post # 6
I think you’re setting a fantastic example for your soon to be blended family. My Fiance and I have been together for 3 years, I own my house and no, we don’t live together. I told him early on I wasn’t living with anyone until I was married. Only because I’d done it before and it was difficult. My Fiance built a brand new house for us, so it worked out. I’m moving in after we marry.
Post # 7
Oh wow! That’s a really good idea! 🙂
Post # 8
I think you are setting a great example! It will make such a huge impact when they think about their lives in the future.
Post # 9
I think what you’re doing sounds very healthy for everyone involved and it really doesn’t matter what any outside opinion has to say about it. You are both the parents here and you know the best decision to make for your children. My husband and I did not live together before we got married, as many other couples didn’t, as well. Do what works for you.
Post # 10
I think it’s a really individual decision. I’d never marry someone who I (and my daughter) hadn’t lived with, but it’s up to you and your family. I think it’s really important to take things slowly when children are involved, because they need to feel like they’re part of the change taking place, and if living separately is what has all the kids involved feeling the best about the upcoming wedding and changes afterward, that’s great.
I’m just kind of curious about the ‘good example’ you mention – I might be misunderstanding the connotations of what you’re saying (and please forgive me if so), but assuming the good example is a moral issue (not living together/being intimate before marriage), then how do sleepovers and weekends together fit into that example? I’m honestly not intending to be snarky, I’m just curious, and maybe I’m totally misunderstanding what you mean. Or do you mean it more as in you’re setting a good example about taking this new step forward as a family slowly to meet your kids’ needs?
Post # 11
Like a PP says, I don’t think there’s a blanket wrong or right for this, but it sounds like you are making your decision with the best intentions. I don’t see how it could backfire, or be considered weird, because it’s what works best for you and I’m sure isn’t easy all the time.
Don’t second guess your decisions….you are making a responsible decision based upon what you believe is best for your children.
Post # 12
@kittyface: What I meant by good example was that we are trying to show our children the healthy way to blend a family. We know our children will one day grow up, we have two that are teens, and they will possibly become involved with someone who has children. We want them to remember the experience that they learned from us and use it to help in their relationship. Nowadays couples who are getting married or deciding to be just live together without benefit of marriage is the norm. However with children it changes. By setting an example for them we can show them that yes sometimes its not always easy but that we tried to make it as painless as possible.