(Closed) Living Seperately until right before the wedding. Wrong or Right?

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
327 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

I think what you’re doing is entirely appropriate. When you have kids, the whole thing is different. You can’t live with someone quite as easily without the kids getting confused, even if you ARE getting married eventually.

Post # 4
Member
4192 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry

I think it’s showing very responsible parenting not to live together before the wedding. Fiance and I aren’t living together until after the wedding, due to roommates and leases. My roommate moved out the end of April, and I’m going to enjoy the next two months- last time I’ll live alone!

Post # 5
Member
11233 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

You’re neither wrong nor right to anyone but yourselves. If you want to live separately before you get married, then do it.

Personally, I think it’s weird, because I would never marry someone that I hadn’t lived with, and I don’t feel like not living together isn’t setting a good example. 

Post # 6
Member
944 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

I think you’re setting a fantastic example for your soon to be blended family. My Fiance and I have been together for 3 years, I own my house and no, we don’t live together. I told him early on I wasn’t living with anyone until I was married. Only because I’d done it before and it was difficult. My Fiance built a brand new house for us, so it worked out. I’m moving in after we marry.

Post # 7
Member
2651 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

Oh wow! That’s a really good idea! 🙂 

Post # 8
Member
3771 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I think you are setting a great example! It will make such a huge impact when they think about their lives in the future. 

Post # 9
Member
4464 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

I think what you’re doing sounds very healthy for everyone involved and it really doesn’t matter what any outside opinion has to say about it. You are both the parents here and you know the best decision to make for your children. My husband and I did not live together before we got married, as many other couples didn’t, as well. Do what works for you.  

Post # 10
Member
1856 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

I think it’s a really individual decision. I’d never marry someone who I (and my daughter) hadn’t lived with, but it’s up to you and your family. I think it’s really important to take things slowly when children are involved, because they need to feel like they’re part of the change taking place, and if living separately is what has all the kids involved feeling the best about the upcoming wedding and changes afterward, that’s great.

I’m just kind of curious about the ‘good example’ you mention – I might be misunderstanding the connotations of what you’re saying (and please forgive me if so), but assuming the good example is a moral issue (not living together/being intimate before marriage), then how do sleepovers and weekends together fit into that example? I’m honestly not intending to be snarky, I’m just curious, and maybe I’m totally misunderstanding what you mean. Or do you mean it more as in you’re setting a good example about taking this new step forward as a family slowly to meet your kids’ needs?

Post # 11
Member
3081 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Like a PP says, I don’t think there’s a blanket wrong or right for this, but it sounds like you are making your decision with the best intentions. I don’t see how it could backfire, or be considered weird, because it’s what works best for you and I’m sure isn’t easy all the time.

Don’t second guess your decisions….you are making a responsible decision  based upon what you believe is best for your children.

Best wishes!  

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