Living Situation

posted 2 years ago in Beehive
Post # 17
5547 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2017

It’s different if they BOTH own the house. Maybe you can discuss having her sell her half to your husband. Or she could buy his half and you could use those proceeds for a down payment on a house in your price range

Post # 19
8938 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

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annharrich :  Have you guys been paying the mortgage while you’re living there, or is his mom? I’m sorry if you said already and I missed it.

Post # 21
1349 posts
Bumble bee

Something about this story sounds familiar….

 You may feel like you have a proprietary ownership ( if we sold this home) as you have been there so long and put time and money into it but put simply, the house is still owned by her. She let you live in it for free which was kind of her but it seems it was your decision ( based on an assumption) to put reno money into it. It seems like you have assumed a lot throughout this process.

If/ When she sells then maybe you can bring up the possibility of being reimbursed for the renos.

Try putting yourself in your mother’s position. Would you think the same way you are thinking now?

Have a good relationship with her not because she is a means to an end but because sounds like she has treated you very well.

In your shoes I would buy my own home with my husband and start clean. There are a lot of people out there who want to start with a house of their own but unfortunately they have to start with an apartment whether they want to or not so your husband may have to face the reality of this.

Post # 22
8938 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

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annharrich :  $30k divided by 18 months comes out to under $1700 per month. That would be a reasonable rent payment where I’m at, and Google says it’s a bargain for a 3 bedroom house in Queens. Except in your case, it’s not even rent that’s leaving your pocket forever. It’s money that you invested in real estate that your husband is part owner of. That money has enriched him and his mom since they own the house, but she is the only one who has been paying for the house. So you’ve been enjoying a pretty sweet deal and it would take steel balls to ask her to fund the downpayment on your just-shy-of-a-mil dream home. 

Post # 23
5460 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2017

I don’t think it’s a good idea to buy a 900k home right now seeing that your husbsnds anxiety got so bad he wasn’t working for a full year until now, and you’re ‘hoping’ he continues to work. Bad idea.

Post # 25
10216 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

I’m sure a $900k house is perfect

Post # 27
1485 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

Manhattan is extremely expensive. It’s not your house to sell and you aren’t contributing to the household, financially. So the way I see it, you are completely dependent on your husband and you really don’t have a leg to stand on since you aren’t contributing, financially, I mean. 

If anything, I would suggest that you two look for a home of your own, in an area you can afford, say New Jersey which is only 45 minutes away. You can get a nice 3 bed for around 350K. 

If you MUST stay in the city, for whatever reason, the decision to sell the home is really up to your husband and his mother. 

But the thing is, where is SHE going to live if she sells HER property? 

You could also entertain the idea of buying a home that has an IN LAW this way it would be mutually beneficial for all parties (you, your husband, and her) to contribute their funds into a pot in order to have a place for everyone to live. 

That is my opinion. 


Post # 28
4992 posts
Honey bee

You live rent free at her house. She moves out and you decide the house is now yours. (Are you sure his name is on the title?) You put 30k toward renovations that *you* want. Now she’s back and you want her to sell the house and give you the money for a downpayment. Um, no. That is not how this works.

And if you can’t afford the down payment on a house, that’s a sign that it may be too expensive for you. Add the fact that your husband was out of work for a year because of anxiety (?) and you’re biting off more than you can chew.

There are other houses out there at prices you can afford. It’s not a 900k house or nothing at all. Frankly you and your partner come across as very entitled, among other things.

Post # 29
340 posts
Helper bee

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BalletParker :  Agree 30K is not a lot, especially in NYC. Over the past X years you’ve been living in MIL’s house for ‘free’, and over the past 18 months you’ve been living in MIL’s house without Mother-In-Law for ‘free’ and 30K spread over 18 months is $1666 per month, which is cheaper than rent for a 3BR. Had you not had the generosity of Mother-In-Law allowing you to live there, you’d have spent more than 30K on rent anyway.

So long as she lives that is her house. who even are you?

your stupid decision was not to renovate a house thats not yours, it is to live beyond your means. you guys can’t afford to live on your own two feet??

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