(Closed) Living together & “Waiting”

posted 7 years ago in Waiting
  • poll: If you're waiting, or if you were waiting, did/do you live with your SO?
    Yes : (84 votes)
    70 %
    No : (36 votes)
    30 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    5073 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: October 2012

    I moved in with him in April.  He was a confirmed bachelor (40) and I had no problem with that.  I would have been fine if we’d never gotten married.  I just wanted to be with him and I knew it would be forever.

    Low and behold 2 months later he proposed!  His relatives are still reeling from the shock. lol 

    Post # 4
    Member
    4693 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    I’m waiting, but I wouldn’t say the reason I’m waiting is because we live together.  My SO bought the ring, so now it’s just a matter of when/where/how he wants to propose, and before he had the ring it was because we’re both young and he didn’t feel like he was ready to get married yet, which is fine with me.  I wouldn’t want him to do something he didn’t feel ready for.

    Post # 5
    Member
    3942 posts
    Honey bee

    @CherryWaves:  I can’t imagine not living with someone before becoming engageged. We lived together for 3 years before getting engaged. I was a “waiting” girl for quite a while. We bought a house, combined finances, etc. My fiance never thought “why take the next step?”. Getting married and starting a family was always discussed, including before we decided to live together. We decided to spend our money on our first home, and a year later got engaged.

    I’ll admit that some days were harder than others, but we established a timeline together and we both stuck to it.

    Post # 7
    Member
    2731 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: March 2014

    I lived with my Fiance for about 8 months before he proposed, and I was “waiting” the whooooole time…and even before we moved in together I was waiting.

    Post # 9
    Member
    2162 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    We each still live home. Partly because I don’t want to pay someone else’s mortgage, and I’ve seen friends really lose out when buying a home with a SO rather than husband, and partly because with too many couples, I can’t help but feel that living together prior to marriage makes the waiting period longer. I’ve heard MANY men (not mine) say things like, “she’s cooking, she’s doing my laundry, she’s already like a wife” and they have the feeling like there’s no urgency. We have friends that live together and friends that are married, and when someone asks the married friends how married life is, they say it’s the same as before the wedding…well, I find that depressing! I was also a psych & soci student, and have seen many studies indicate that couples who live together before marriage are more likely (75%) to divorce. I am somewhat traditional, and feel like nothing is saved for weddings now…I’d like to experience picking out furniture, dishes and things like that, as husband and wife. Just my $.02. 

    Post # 10
    Member
    1430 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: April 2015

    My SO and I have been living together since March of last year. Before I moved in with him we were in a LDR with a national border and 2,000 miles separating us for a year. The distance wasn’t working for either of us, and since I couldn’t afford to move into my own place making what I make in his country, we moved in together. I will say that us living together is definitely a factor in my “waiting”. I told him before we moved in together that the only way I’d move in with him was if we got engaged before my work permit expired. He agreed to those terms and here we are.

     

    Post # 11
    Member
    903 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    Honestly, I hope you won’t mind me saying this but the whole idea that living with your SO will make him less likely to propose kind of bugs me. Personally, I think living together has nothing to do with it. If a guy wants to get married, he will propose, plain and simple. I lived with my Fiance before we got engaged and he actually proposed to me sooner than I would have expected because he really wants to get married. He’s so excited about our wedding and he talks all the time about how he can’t wait to be able to wear his wedding ring. Now maybe if a girl refuses to move in together until the guy proposes he will propose sooner, but I don’t necessarily think that’s a good thing. Because if he wouldn’t be ready to get married if they were already living together, then he’s not ready, period. Anyway, those are just my thoughts on the topic because I do occaionally see things on here (not by you, but others) that basically amount to, well of course you’re not engaged yet, you live together so why would he bother? Which can come across as blaming the woman for her not being engaged yet when really the guy is just not ready.

    Post # 12
    Member
    3942 posts
    Honey bee

    @CherryWaves:  Yup, I felt like we became closer as a couple and got to know eachother more. Even though we spent a lot of time together before we lived together, we still learned small minor things about us as indivuduals and us a a couple. I know it doesn’t work for everyone, but it worked for us.

     

     

    Post # 13
    Member
    1902 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    Me and Fiance lived together for a whole year and half before he proposed, and I was waiting all that time, and beforehand as we were making a serious house purchase.

    Looking back, the waiting was worth it and I really don’t think I waited as long as I thought I had been up until the proposal 🙂

    Post # 14
    Member
    2999 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    @Bostongrl25:  This was my SO’s idea. I always said that I wouldn’t live together first (more for family standards than my own) and he felt it a necessary step. I asked him if he wanted to move in, he said yes, and there is an understanding that I want to know we are moving in the direction of marriage within a year (somewhere between September and October). I decided that since it was so important to him that we could come to a compromise since we love and respect each other. He also knows that I wouldn’t be ‘breaking up’ with him if he isn’t ready then. Just that he will find his own housing because I think one can know after a year.

    Post # 15
    Member
    2999 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    I’d also like to add that having made this choice, I am still torn on how I feel about living together first. It definitely makes maintaining the relationship a bit harder at times but I have learned so much more about my SO that I wouldn’t have ever known.

    Post # 16
    Member
    3176 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2011

    We lived together but when we moved in together we both weren’t ready for marriage…and then we were. If anything living together made the engagement happen faster.

    The topic ‘Living together & “Waiting”’ is closed to new replies.

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