(Closed) Living together

posted 9 years ago in Waiting
Post # 32
Member
2478 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - Manhattan Church Rec Center

@Marry Jane:  That is so true! How else do you know you can deal with the other person’s habits, nuances and daily patterns without living together? Really, I have to know I am ok picking up your socks and you have to be ok with me and my crazy system for doing laundry. I have to know what you look like when you are having a bad day or if something is bothering you.

Co-habitation is an important factor to see if you can DEAL with this person. FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE!

Post # 33
Member
7528 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

In our case we got engaged shortly after he moved in with me.  We’d already discussed marriage before he moved in and were looking at rings.  I knew we’d be engaged but not exactly when.  Everything happened organically.  Living together didn’t slow down or speed up the engagement, it all happened around the same time frame, a few months after we met.

Post # 34
Member
648 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@Sapphire-Dreamer:  I have friends who barely even stayed the night with each other before getting engaged, even when both living in the same apartment complex. I don’t understand it at all. It makes much more sense to me that you need to see how someone is all the time.

My Fiance wasn’t working this summer (because he had moved up to live with me before starting grad school) and I had just graduated from school so we spent basically every minute with each other for a few months. I think that would be too much for most people (even people I know in amazing relationships) but if anything it just made our relationship that much stronger. I wouldn’t trade it for anything. 

Post # 35
Member
569 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

I don’t think it made a difference, really.  He knew that his parents wanted him to wait until law school was basically over.  While I wanted to be engaged before moving in together, I understood the pressure he was getting from his parents and didn’t want to keep living with my dad post-college.  I did, however, point out that while I was willing to move in with my boyfriend for a bit, I wasn’t willing to pick up and move WITH a boyfriend, acting as a single family unit and forsaking my job prospects for his.  So, we got engaged during his last semester of school, shortly before we started looking for post-law jobs and places to live.

Post # 37
Member
2865 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: City, State

Fiance and I never connected them as a step– we would have never lived wih someone without a ring, a date, deposits, and a pre-cana certificate. We got engaged quicker than our friends who viewed living together as tge next step.

Post # 38
Member
24 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2012

In my honest opinion if for any reason other than finances your engagement is slowed down by living together, it’s a good thing! You want to really know what you are getting into before marriage, so if you feel your Fiance has slowed down it likely just means that he is making a solid decision about it, rather than just ‘going through the steps’. just my opinion, and i realize there are a million situations and reasons that that could occur, this is just one i felt would not get much attention 🙂

Post # 39
Hostess
1606 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I don’t think it slowed it down a bit.  But, we’re both the types of people who woul dnever get engaged/married without living with someone, first.

Post # 40
Member
3201 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

FH and I didn’t technically live together before we got married, but he did spend a lot of time together, as in 4 nights a week usually, and it didn’t slow anything down for us. We got engaged 11 months into the relationship. 

Now that we do live together, it feels like our marriage plans have slowed down just a little, despite the fact that we’re still on the same timeline as we were before we started living together. We’re just getting used to each other and figuring out how our finances are going to look when we combine them, but we feel pretty comfortable as well.

Post # 41
Member
569 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

@oneofthesethings:  I think any man who proposes so you’ll live with him isn’t doing it for the right reasons.  I’m of the firm belief that a guy should propose because he loves you and wants to be with you forever, not just for sex or a live-in partner.  Not that denying those things to a partner is bad, if you want to wait on something out of moral or personal beliefs, but I feel like holding a prize above a guy’s head like “marry me to get this” is silly.

Post # 42
Member
793 posts
Busy bee

@oneofthesethings:  Tbh I think that is a bit of a myth perpetuated by people generally against pre-marital sex and/or cohabitation. Most of the guys I know who were against cohabitating didn’t view it as an “end” but just didn’t feel ready to be that serious with anyone at all yet. Guys who would talk like that aren’t really dudes you would want to live with anyway!

Post # 43
Member
131 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

My FI’s rule was… we can’t live together unless we are engaged. But we pretty much did … I spent every night at his house. Within two weeks of getting engaged, I was moved in. We spent most of our time together and spell checked each other first but it wasn’t for real until we were engaged.

Post # 44
Member
30 posts
Newbee

@oneofthesethings:  I dont think that is necessarily true.  To me, if he wasn’t sure about getting married in the first place, moving in together wouldn’t necessarily change that.  I have lived with an ex and we were together for over 2 years (we moved in together after 1 month).  It was a good relationship, it just didnt work out. Neither of us were ready to get married and we never discussed it in real terms.

Fast Forward, my boyfriend and I have been together for a year (I am 25, he is 32).  In within 3-4 months of dating he was bringing up marriage, the whole 9 yards.  I think some men just know what they want and are ready.  Sometimes I cringe when the media makes it seem as though the woman is desparate to get married and settle down.  Sometimes the men are the ones who are pushing the marriage issue.

Just my opinion: My boyfriend and I are moving in together once we get engaged, we will be together almost 2 years at that point.  I told him I not moving in, “shack up” , if you will, until there is a ring on my finger and working towards saving for the wedding. So what he did was went to the jewelers to put a down payment on my ring lol, i will have it by my bday in MAY 🙂  By living with my ex, we operated pretty much like a married couple, however it wasn’t offical and in my mind made me feel it could just be over at any minute.  I personally, am not gonna cook, clean, do laundry for a man that is NOT my husband.  Im too old to be playing house.  

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