Post # 1
For the now-marriage bees that were in LDRs..or those that are now living together after LDR…what was it like being able to see your SO every day as opposed to a planned trip or every few months?
My Fiance and I have been in a LDR for a little over 3 years. We are getting married next month and I will be moving to his city in January. We get along great now and we are very comfortable in each other’s space but I must admit, I worry about the transition from LDR to permanent, everyday living together….
So…how was it after marriage/moving??
Post # 3
I’ll be honest – it was weird at first. Don’t get me wrong, I loved it, especially the first night we spent together alone in our new apartment when Fiance whispered in my ear “this time we don’t have to spend all our time worrying about when you go home because you are home.” But still it takes time to adjust to being in the same space as that other person.
We had to learn and adapt – build in alone time for each of us and delegate chores. There were a few fights but nothing really major. It’s just an adjustment. I think it was harder for me because I was also in a totally new city so not only was I learning to live with Fiance, I was trying to learn the city and make new friends. It can be overwhelming!
Post # 4
I agree with phedre. It was weird at first for sure. We have been living together for the past 2 years. At first, I would cling to him in an effort to make up for the time that was lost during our LDR. As time passes, you sort of move past that and get used to having them around. It feels sort of like I take it for granted now, especially since my husband sometimes has to go away on business with his new job.
Post # 5
my Fiance and I dated for 3 years, then he moved away and we were in a LDR for a year. After he came back we decided to live together(something we said we would never do). I’m not going to lie.. it is hard. Especially after you’ve been living on your own. So many differences, so many different habits. We’ve lived together for an exact year now, and it is getting a lot better.
Don’t get me wrong, it has it’s really good sides too, but just be prepared for some agreements you thought you’d never have! lol
Post # 6
OMW, these are great insights! Thanks for sharing your wisdom from LDRs past… 🙂
Post # 7
Thanks ladies…I am a realist and I know we will have some arguments…the Fiance…not so much…at least when it comes to this subject. He grew up with 1 sister…he is the oldest and they are 16 years apart. He lived with her for like 2 years before college? I have 6 siblings and I fought with one of them everyday…LOL. It was such a relief to have my own home so I am nervous about not having it anymore.
Post # 8
I’m in the same boat as you JamaicaBride. I’ve lived on my own for about 7 years now and I’ve been in LDR with my Fiance for almost 3 years. He’ll be moving to my town about 4 days before our wedding in May! I’m so nervous about how it’s going to be! We’re both pretty stubborn and very independent minded….
Well, thanks for all the insight ladies!
Post # 9
I LOVE the new LDR board! Thanks for sharing!
The longest Mr. Ring Bearer and I have spent together was a month at his place… we got into a real routine of playing house, but it wasn’t the same as what our future will be.
I had lunch ready for him every day, dinner when he got home from work… I’d clean the house, go for a run, go grocery shopping… and then we’d go out with friends. It wasn’t really real. I wasn’t working. I was never tired. I was just happy to get to spend this time with him.
I think living together isn’t going to feel real… it will feel like I’m just visiting for awhile lol. It will be a big adjustment, but hopefully it goes smoothly!
Post # 10
- Wedding: January 2010 - Trinity Presbyterian Church/Harrison Opera House
I’m a little nervous about this transition as well. We’ve never lived together (even when he was stationed here in VA) – so we’ll go from an LDR straight to being married and living in our house. We’re both prepping for the change, and I’m sure it’s something we’ll need to figure out as we go along.
Post # 11
ditto @phedre: btw my best friend lives in nola and i come there quite a few times, we can definitely meet up if you’d like… i know there are quite a few bees that are in the nola area, and we’ve been talking about a meetup.
@ja: your guy seems sooo sweet and i think that he’ll do whatever he needs to to make sure that the three of you stay on cloud nine, you know?
Post # 12
Okay well we don’t live together (waiting to do that till after marriage) but we are now in the same city after 4 years apart. It’s great to not have to go long periods of time between seeing each other.
To be honest, though, one adjustment was that I was used to planning my time around ME and now I have to plan my time around US. Not that that is necessarily bad, but I am still getting used to not just having my own schedule anymore, if that makes sense…
Post # 13
I’ve been a little nervous about this myself. We had our first “trial run” this past month while Mr Spin was here for a rotation. It went surprisingly smooth, actually. I was worried that my slovenly ways would irritate him and we’d get in a fight, but I kinda forgot how laid back he is. ^_^ Weird, huh?
Although, I would say that the money issue was where we had a little uncomfortableness. Since he was only here for a month, I didn’t ask him to pitch in for utilities or rent or anything, but he did buy most of the groceries and replaced my frying pan after he scorched mine (sheesh ^_^). But when he comes back for another rotation, we’re going to have to make a change. I mean, I have to have SO much more food in the house when he’s here, we use more electricity and gas, he needed a key for the apt and the building, and I had to get internet because he needs it for his classwork, etc. etc. So, I’ve been incurring extra costs and adding to my monthly bills and I really don’t want to resent him for it, so we’re going to have to talk about splitting things up a little more fairly for next time.
Post # 14
At university we practically lived together there; we were either at mine or at his, rarely ever apart (but without living in each others pockets too much). We were then thrust into not seeing each other for 3 weeks, that killed. Whenever we have a holiday together – two weeks of just each other, we just slot right back in. I think it will be different and we have a house and have to look after it, do cooking, cleaning, decorating etc, but I can’t wait for when that time comes!
Post # 15
The transition was a little bit difficult to get used to…we were both a little unprepared!
I think the key was to spend time together, but give each other space! We solved that by early on making sure to have separate girl and guy time with friends usually weekly, and gradually we’re getting used to being together all the time.
Getting used to little things is probably like anyone getting used to living with someone else for the first time. We’ve have our squabbles over the toothpaste, and dirty clothes on the floor and dishes and bad habits….but it’s so wonderful to be together!
The most important thing for us has to be continuing to do fun things and date like we used ot on our rare visits. We can’t do them every time we see eachother now, but we can’t forget to do it either!
(I’ve found it’s much harder to be apart after marriage…we definitely have a different, closer connection)
Post # 16
We were LD for 5 years before we moved in together and later got engaged. And after all that time apart, the travel, the living out of suitcases, the phone calls, the dificulty balancing our schedules to make time to travel to see one another, the lonely meals, (I could go on and on…) I must say:
While there is always a period of adjustment, I truly believe that the tons of GREAT things about living together outweigh the difficult things by a TON!!!
You will love it!