(Closed) Living Together before Engagement

posted 10 years ago in Waiting
Post # 62
Member
140 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

My fiance` and I moved in together before we got engaged.  We had talked about marriage before moving in together, but it was important to us to move in together and see how it worked before getting married. We had both lived with roommates, but felt that if this is going to be a forever thing, that it would be best for us to move in together.  Not everyone in my family was happy about it, but it was important to us.  I think it helped us get to know each other more.  Before we moved in, we were at each others places all the time, but to me there is a huge difference between staying at each others places and being able to go home when you have a disagreement, and living together and not being able to just go back to your own bed.  It helped me learn alot.

Post # 63
Member
297 posts
Helper bee

Where is the OP?  Hehe

Post # 64
Member
13561 posts
Honey Beekeeper

My beliefs mean my Fiance and I aren’t living together until we’re married, even though we’ve been together for six years. And that’s right for us.

I think what’s “right” really varies based on the couple. There are situations in which living arrangements can motivate a man to propose; at the same time, there are situations in which it works for couples to live together prior to engagement. Or, in my case, not live together till marriage.

Post # 65
Member
68 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I think it differs from each individual person/fh. I mean, really… I’ve lived with my now Fiance for years. I think it’s only fair to see what its like to live with someone before you marry them. My family is religous, his.. not so much. I think my family looked down on it for the longest, but they got over it!!! (My mother & father just wanted me to be happy… I’m speaking of my extended fam).. anyways! We’re young (21) & Mr. C absolutely shocked me & proposed after 3.5 years, we had always discussed maybe 23-24ish, but he had different plans. When you know, you know. I guess some guys are procrastinators. I truely believe theres perfect timing for everything.

Post # 66
Member
401 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I think it’s a good way to get to know each other because honestly u don’t quite know someone until you live with them. However I think there should be time restraints. I don’t think a engaged couple should live together more than 2 years. Why? because it will take longer to marry and the wedding won’t be a priority esp. for the man because he is already living the married life.

Post # 67
Member
915 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Personally, I wouldn’t consider marrying anyone without living with them first. You may think you know someone really well, but there are certain things you can only learn when you live with a person. You get more of a feel for their daily routines and personality. You will fight more, but that’s normal. The important thing is how you handle the fights and that you don’t let them continue for long.

My Fiance moved in with me before we got engaged and 4 months later he proposed. Living together has definitely brought us closer and it’s given us a better idea of what marriage will be like. It also depends on what works for you as a couple though.

I think it’s better to get engaged shortly after you move in together at least, but it should be the right timing for you.

I get the feeling that we will feel different after we’re married (a good kind of different) because we both felt that way after becoming engaged. It drew us closer to each other cuz it’s a higher level of commitment.

Post # 68
Member
483 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

@GretaCT:  Your story is very similar to mine. 

I’m turning 25 at the end of the summer and have been living with my significant other since I was 21. 

We own a house and car, and we’re practically a married couple (go away on trips every year, do everything together)  and I run the household while he works (which is pretty uncommon for my age but oh well) 

I wanted to get married this year so we decided that in mid feb that we would plan our wedding for the end of this year, or next year (we have time)  

He has a ring since friday and I guess I’m in for a proposal soon, which would make it all “official”   (already bought dress/booked flowers/looked into destination wedding ideas) 

 

I always joke about how nothing will change, because it really won’t as I’ve considered ourselves married from the start, we’re both on the same page in that regard. 

Post # 69
Member
751 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

I used to be against living together before being engaged, statistics say that if you live together you are less likely to get married  and if you do more likely to get a divorce.

But I think the statistics are flawed for a very simple reason, and that is why did you move in together?

To see “if it worked”? 

For financial reasons?

Because you were there every weekend or viceversa and it kind of happened?

because he was saving for a ring?

I feel the statistics are flawed by the fact that often women ant to move in together because they hope that playing house will convince a guy to propose hence the stat about less likely to get married. Also if he does propose it’s often with very little convinction, hence the high divorce stats. 

The bottom line is if a man loves you and wants to marry you he will, wether you live together or not.   

Post # 70
Member
82 posts
Worker bee

When my SO and I moved in together, I wanted to firmly say that if we’re moving in together then an engagement needs to be on the horizon within a few months. In fact I actually wanted to say that I wouldn’t consider living with him at all until we were engaged. 

Unfortunately I didn’t have that luxury. I desperately needed someone to live with and share expenses, so I couldn’t risk playing hard ball. Even if he had said he was never going to marry me, I would have still had to move in with him for financial reasons, so there didn’t seem much point in setting an ultimatum that I was unable to stick to.

So I don’t really believe in living together before engagement, but sometimes people are forced to do it for financial reasons, even if it’s against their better judgement. 

Post # 70
Member
1 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: March 2018

View original reply
phoenix718:  Totally 100% agree about how people are shady and can hide things! I dated a guy for 7 years, got engaged, but never lived together. We typically seen each other 2-3 times a week. Two months into our engagement, I caught him looking at child pornography. I ended it right then and there. Three years after the break up, he commited suicide the day the FBI showed up to confiscate his computers and arrest him. YOU NEVER KNOW! THERE HONESTLY WAS NO SIGNS! Had I lived with him, I honestly and truly think I would have discovered that or something odd. 

Previously, I never believed in living together. However, I have been in a serious relationship the last 6 months and we have discussed getting engaged this summer 2016, and then married fall 2017-spring 2018. It works, and we know what we want. When it is right, it is right. My past has made a difference on my future decisions. Not saying I am not trusting and all that, but I want to know what I am getting myself into. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that.

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