Living together before marriage

posted 2 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
3083 posts
Sugar bee

Stop wasting your time with this guy!!

Post # 3
1254 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2019

I think he sounds like a jerk. You were right to call it off, and hopefully you’ll make it permanent this time.

Just to be clear, it’s not the wanting to live together that makes him a jerk in my eyes. It’s literally everything else.

Post # 4
7796 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I almost stopped reading at “prom” and then again at “cheated”. Stop letting this guy jerk you around!! Delete him, block him, put him in the past where he belongs and lock the door. 

Post # 5
7439 posts
Busy Beekeeper

I think you did the right thing bee. It is really rich that he’s the one who has been unfaithful to you multiple times, yet somehow you’re having to prove YOUR worthiness to be his wife by making all these sacrifices for him while he refuses to budge an inch on anything?

I think living together before marriage is generally a good idea (though I know plenty of couples who didn’t do it and still have very happy marriages), but in your case there’s no way in hell I’d be uprooting my life for a guy who had a history of infidelity and wouldn’t even lift a finger to make the move easier for me.

Post # 6
50 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2019 - City, State

DO NOT WASTE YOUR TIME on a man that has already proven that he doesnt have integrity when things are easy. If you marry such a person, you will never be able to count on him when things are tough. If he wants you, he has to earn you. He does the move, he doesnt live with you first if you arent comfortable with it. When he left, your family was there for you. 

Real men do not treat women this way. I know it’s easy for me to say, and hard for you, but believe me, living with him wont change or fix him. Neither will marriage. 

Post # 7
101 posts
Blushing bee

I understand the religious family aspect, I wavered on whether I wanted to live with someone before marriage, I’ve done it before. But with my FH living together was kind of necessary. He lived in PA I lived in GA so for both of us to move and get seperate places was impossible. We had talked before about how we wanted to get married, but he wanted to see how we did living together, and I get that, so did I. Honestly, I lied about it for the first few months, I told my family he lived with my best friend and his girlfriend who are our next door neighbors. But I grew tired of lying like I’m a child and told them. Were they happy? Absolutely not. My Papa still won’t really talk to me, but you have to do what is best for you, what feels right for you.

I’m on the fence with this situation because no one deserves to be cheated on and he definitely f*cked up there. Good for you for standing up for yourself, you can’t give everything if he doesn’t give any back, you deserve so much more than that. And you’re absolutely right, he can make an effort and compromise if you were willing to drop everything and run to him. You deserve so much more than that lady. 

Post # 8
739 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2019 - City, State

Stop running back to this guy. He is doing this because he can. He has cheated on you, lied to you, manipulatued you, controlled you, and made false promises to you. Why in the hell would you want to be with someone like this??? And yes you are destroying your family. They see what is going on and how he is treating you. You think it’s going to get better to be with someone like this? It will get worse Bee. Especially if you get married, he will control everything. A lot of big huge RED flags.

Post # 9
336 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

Yes, it is not fair for you to change your life, go against your and your family morals on living together, just to appease him. His life doesnt have to change at all but yours does completely? He’s the one that cheated previously so I would think he should be the one to step it up more!

Post # 10
783 posts
Busy bee

 Since he’s repeatedly used you in the past, I’m wondering if he’s using you now to finance his move. You say you’ve just sold your house and went to college for nursing – are you to bankroll this move with the proceeds from your house? 

Post # 11
4021 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

Please don’t marry this guy. He keeps coming back to you when he doesn’t have other options readily available because he knows you’ll take him back. 

Post # 12
5116 posts
Bee Keeper

This guy is a resl dick and it’s pretty sad you can’t see that. Please move on from him. You’re nothing more than a convenience to him.

Post # 13
756 posts
Busy bee

You are doing the right thing! I never lived with my husband before marriage and I completely stand by that if that’s important to you. Not to mention this guy is a cheating POS. Don’t waste anymore time, don’t destroy your family who loves you over this jerkazoid 

Post # 14
2779 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

View original reply
Cassidy3 :  The real question you should be asking yourself, is that after all that he’s done, the way he’s used you as a convenient plan B, been disloyal, never prioritized you, not been willing to consider you, your feelings, your family, or your morals, and the list goes on… after all that, why are you calling him your boyfriend? Why would you move for him? Why would you even want him to propose and sign up for a life of this? There is so, so much better out there, and you’ve wasted 10 years of your life, preventing yourself from finding something good. Leave this jerk, and never, never go back. You struggle with that, so you need to block him, remove him from your life completely, and tell your friends and family to help hold you accountable. 

You might should talk to a professional as well, to discover why you let yourself be treated this way, and to be able to learn that you deserve good things in life. 

Post # 15
11133 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

View original reply
Cassidy3 :  

He’s a jackass.  Move on.

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