Post # 1
My boyfriend and I are 27 years old. We met in high school and went to both proms together and dated for two years. We went to college together and he started to change and we grew apart. We split up I continue to go to nursing school and he joined the Navy. After this we dated on and off here in there mainly when he broke up with someone else and would come home and want to date me.
He ended up cheating on me twice and completely ripped my heart out because I have always been head over heels for him. After he came back from his last deployment in the fall of last year he seemed completely sure that he wanted to date me this time. We had always talked about being married and having a family in the end but things were different this time he said all those things but didn’t seem like he really meant them. I recently sold my house and he asked me to move from md to nc with him until he finishes in the mavy and then we could move back home together. As part of my values and my family’s religion, I never want to live together before marriage (or at least be engaged planning a wedding before I’m living with someone).
but I agreed to the move and my family was extremely upset with me. My bf said “I will NEVER marry you until we live together and if your family doesn’t like that it’s their fault.” As the planning happened to move, he wouldn’t compromise on anything. Didn’t want me to bring certain things, wanted me to sell most of my furniture that’s brand new even though he had plenty of room for it, etc.
i feel like im willing to destroy my family and make all these compromises and he isn’t will to do anything. So I told him I wasn’t happy and why and opened my whole heart to him and all he had to say was “what do you want to do.” I ended up cutting things off because we have known each other dating on and off for 10 years and if I’m willing to make all these compromises, he could at least propose before I change my whole life around for him, after he has destroyed my heart in the past.
Thoughts on this please! Thank you 🙂
Post # 2
Stop wasting your time with this guy!!
Post # 3
I think he sounds like a jerk. You were right to call it off, and hopefully you’ll make it permanent this time.
Just to be clear, it’s not the wanting to live together that makes him a jerk in my eyes. It’s literally everything else.
Post # 4
I almost stopped reading at “prom” and then again at “cheated”. Stop letting this guy jerk you around!! Delete him, block him, put him in the past where he belongs and lock the door.
Post # 5
I think you did the right thing bee. It is really rich that he’s the one who has been unfaithful to you multiple times, yet somehow you’re having to prove YOUR worthiness to be his wife by making all these sacrifices for him while he refuses to budge an inch on anything?
I think living together before marriage is generally a good idea (though I know plenty of couples who didn’t do it and still have very happy marriages), but in your case there’s no way in hell I’d be uprooting my life for a guy who had a history of infidelity and wouldn’t even lift a finger to make the move easier for me.
Post # 6
- Wedding: September 2019 - City, State
DO NOT WASTE YOUR TIME on a man that has already proven that he doesnt have integrity when things are easy. If you marry such a person, you will never be able to count on him when things are tough. If he wants you, he has to earn you. He does the move, he doesnt live with you first if you arent comfortable with it. When he left, your family was there for you.
Real men do not treat women this way. I know it’s easy for me to say, and hard for you, but believe me, living with him wont change or fix him. Neither will marriage.
Post # 7
I understand the religious family aspect, I wavered on whether I wanted to live with someone before marriage, I’ve done it before. But with my FH living together was kind of necessary. He lived in PA I lived in GA so for both of us to move and get seperate places was impossible. We had talked before about how we wanted to get married, but he wanted to see how we did living together, and I get that, so did I. Honestly, I lied about it for the first few months, I told my family he lived with my best friend and his girlfriend who are our next door neighbors. But I grew tired of lying like I’m a child and told them. Were they happy? Absolutely not. My Papa still won’t really talk to me, but you have to do what is best for you, what feels right for you.
I’m on the fence with this situation because no one deserves to be cheated on and he definitely f*cked up there. Good for you for standing up for yourself, you can’t give everything if he doesn’t give any back, you deserve so much more than that. And you’re absolutely right, he can make an effort and compromise if you were willing to drop everything and run to him. You deserve so much more than that lady.
Post # 8
- Wedding: September 2019 - City, State
Stop running back to this guy. He is doing this because he can. He has cheated on you, lied to you, manipulatued you, controlled you, and made false promises to you. Why in the hell would you want to be with someone like this??? And yes you are destroying your family. They see what is going on and how he is treating you. You think it’s going to get better to be with someone like this? It will get worse Bee. Especially if you get married, he will control everything. A lot of big huge RED flags.
Post # 9
Yes, it is not fair for you to change your life, go against your and your family morals on living together, just to appease him. His life doesnt have to change at all but yours does completely? He’s the one that cheated previously so I would think he should be the one to step it up more!
Post # 10
Since he’s repeatedly used you in the past, I’m wondering if he’s using you now to finance his move. You say you’ve just sold your house and went to college for nursing – are you to bankroll this move with the proceeds from your house?
Post # 11
Please don’t marry this guy. He keeps coming back to you when he doesn’t have other options readily available because he knows you’ll take him back.
Post # 12
This guy is a resl dick and it’s pretty sad you can’t see that. Please move on from him. You’re nothing more than a convenience to him.
Post # 13
You are doing the right thing! I never lived with my husband before marriage and I completely stand by that if that’s important to you. Not to mention this guy is a cheating POS. Don’t waste anymore time, don’t destroy your family who loves you over this jerkazoid
Post # 14
Cassidy3 : The real question you should be asking yourself, is that after all that he’s done, the way he’s used you as a convenient plan B, been disloyal, never prioritized you, not been willing to consider you, your feelings, your family, or your morals, and the list goes on… after all that, why are you calling him your boyfriend? Why would you move for him? Why would you even want him to propose and sign up for a life of this? There is so, so much better out there, and you’ve wasted 10 years of your life, preventing yourself from finding something good. Leave this jerk, and never, never go back. You struggle with that, so you need to block him, remove him from your life completely, and tell your friends and family to help hold you accountable.
You might should talk to a professional as well, to discover why you let yourself be treated this way, and to be able to learn that you deserve good things in life.