(Closed) Living together before Marriage

posted 8 years ago in Waiting
  • poll: Do you/will you live with your partner before marriage?
    I already do : (134 votes)
    71 %
    I will once we are engaged : (22 votes)
    12 %
    Not until we are married : (29 votes)
    15 %
    Other (Explain below) : (3 votes)
    2 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    2859 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2011 - Bartram's Garden

    I’m with you. I’ve been living with the boy for almost 5 years now.

    Post # 4
    Member
    860 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2011

    I would never marry someone without living with them first.  I can’t even imagine it.  But, I do think, in certain situations, living together beforehand can prolong getting engaged/married.  That’s not always a bad thing… but people do get used to the status quo.

    Post # 5
    Member
    935 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: November 2015

    I need to at least be engaged. It would put me in a bad spot financially if I moved in and then had to move out…I have rent control 🙂  I don’t want to lose my rent control unless we’re serious about a future together.  I think engaged in a happy medium for me, we wouldn’t be married yet but would definitely be committed.

    Post # 6
    Member
    5670 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: August 2010

    I think this is decision is everyone’s own personal preference, but for me I didn’t want to live with someone before I was at least engaged and had a commitment from someone.

    I never wanted to be someone’s maybe or feel like someone was trying me out to see if they actually wanted to be with me. I feel that you either love someone or your don’t and there is no little habit that they can do that could make you stop loving them. I guess I saw so many girlfriends live with their boyfriends who have still never proposed or those who had no place to live when things ended.

    Post # 7
    Member
    5093 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: January 2012

    We won’t live together until we’re already engaged and a few months away from the wedding, but that’s really just a matter of reality than our preference.  We’d move in together now, but his lease with his roommate isn’t up for another year.  We plan to move in together after that.

    Post # 8
    Member
    935 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: November 2015

    @roxy821: Yes I agree! I wouldn’t want to feel like he was “seeing how it goes…” or trying me out.  That would make me to too anxious.

    Post # 9
    Member
    3219 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: November 2010

    We pretty much lived together since out 1st date! I always say he spent the night on our 1st date and never left!

    Post # 10
    Member
    593 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2010

    I’m happy I moved in with Darling Husband before we were married. But, it was only because I was confident engagement and marriage were not too far down the road. I wouldn’t have done it otherwise. We’ve been married for two months now, and I have to say it is nice that we already got that occasionally-rough “adjustment” period out of the way three years ago!

    Post # 11
    Member
    3564 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2010

    I could not imagine getting engaged or married without living with someone. In my particular situation, I think if anything, it actually sped up the process of getting engaged, and it brought Fiance and I closer to each other. I feel like we really became a team/unit/whatever you want to call it.

    Post # 12
    Member
    3295 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2011

    i feel like living together has instrumental in my relationship.  i know i learned ALOT about my fi when we moved in together! we have known oneanother for about 7 yrs, been dating for 3.5 yrs, and lived together for 1.5 now… for us it just made sense financially and it was good for us. i think wed be so overwhelmed if we got married and moved in together all in the same few months! but again… like some people above stated… it is purely a personal decision between you and your significant other.  🙂

    Post # 13
    Member
    158 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: April 2011

    Our situation is kind of different. My Fiance and I have been living together pretty much as soon as we met first as roomates/friends then as BF/GF and now we are engaged. I am happy that I was able to learn all of his bad habits and things so I can honestly say i KNOW what im getting myself into. …I give you this advice though…you wouldnt purchase a car with out going for a test drive right? Nor should you IMO get married before youve lived with the person if only for a little while!

    Post # 14
    Member
    877 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: April 2011

    We were together just over a year before we moved in together (we signed our lease on our 1 year anniversary!).  We got engaged after living together for 9 months and will have lived together for 2.5 years by the time we get married.

    Post # 15
    Member
    60 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    Other and for Personal Reasons.

     

    I lived with my x-h for 2 years before marrying him. I had the marriage annulled after about 3 weeks and never saw him again.

     

    I lived with my next bf for a few years without marrying or ever having any intent to marry him. It was just a place to live.

     

    I did not want to live my next long term bf before marrying him because I stayed with him 4 nights a week and wanted something to be “new” when we got married, if ever. He flipped the hell out when I told him this and told me he’d never even get engaged without living together first, because he lived with his ex gf for 4 years and she left. I pointed out that obviously, living with her for 4 years didn’t really help him in predicting whether or not she’d leave etc. I also pointed out that my living with my ex-h before marrying him didn’t predict that he’d become crazy abusive within days of the ceremony. At this point, my ex-bf just got even more upset and I left him a month later because I realized we’d never see eye to eye on this. I did ask him what he thought I did the other 3 nights of the week when I wasn’t staying at his place that he was so worried about. He had no response. It came down to a matter of respect. He could not respect my wish to not officially live with him until the wedding day and that did not sit well with me.

     

    Then I met my Fiance who respected my wishes. We were engaged within a year of meeting, while not living together. We still don’t live together, mostly for financial reasons. My cost of living will rise signifigantly when we get a place together and so we are holding off until the month before the wedding. We will move that month and not after the wedding because moving is a PITA and we don’t want to have to deal with that when we come home from our honeymoon and I have to be out of my current apartment that month anyway. So it works out.

    Post # 16
    Member
    935 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: November 2015

    @Edina: Good point, I’ve heard it’s nice to move in before marriage so that after you’re married it’s not as stressful of an adjustment.

    And planning a wedding is stressful, I’d be happy to be engaged for awhile and enjoy living together. Moving in and planning a wedding in the same year would be a challenge. Ideally I’d like to have an engagement period between 1-2 years. 

    The topic ‘Living together before Marriage’ is closed to new replies.

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