- 5 years ago
Need some advice….
I have a boyfriend of 6 yrs
We were living together for like 2+yrs now, im now 28 and he’s 30, both with stable jobs/career
We have no plans of actually getting married yet but we’re kind of talking about that sometimes — the theme, the budget, our house-to-be etc
And we also have a property (no house yet). We bought it together (although he had paid bigger for that haha) The actual house is yet to be constructed and we’re sometimes discussing on the design =D
It’s ALL A SECRET from my family: The Living-In Idea and the House
But my boyfriend’s family knows everything about it and it’s okay with them
The living in together idea is a secret from my family because my mom specifically does not agree on that idea. For her a girl like that does not deserve a white dress on her wedding day. Dont know how to call that but, is it too much conservative thinking?
The house idea is also a secret because she wishes so much that someday i could buy a house for us (we never had a permanent home & i am the bread winner of the family since the day I got my 1st job) and i know that telling this to her may break her heart. But being practical, if i buy her a house ill be paying for that for over 30yrs while also paying part of our family’s house & expenses. And my brothers will soon get married too so she’ll be left alone in the house because she hates my father and they must not get old together or mom will die first due to depression. Mom has her home though in the province and I have thought that it is better if she would just live there, then we’ll visit her form time to time. But of course, i never had the courage to discuss this with her yet
But all these 2 secret things are just fine with me. Living together made me realize that i really could live longer with this guy, that i am really comfortable with him as just being my real self. And this house idea, the good thing about this is that we’re both funding a future house so when we get married, there is already a good investment which we have started
Im still not sure where my mom’s ideas are coming from. She didnt have a good marriage life. My father was a failure so maybe despite being too conservative, she should let me get to know this guy better, right?
Actually, some of the out of the country and out of town trips we did together, are all secrets! Yes, even the trips are secrets because she wont like that as well. I tried once to ask her permission if i could go on a trip with my bf and she was so angry at me! She was always worried at what other people and relatives would think if they realize im having overnight trips with my bf blah blah blah
So, it’s a bit disappointing that i cant even post the picture to my FB account haha
Also, one of the reasons why i decided to move out of our house is to be able to travel with my bf. Ill take a leave on weekdays (a secret at home) then we do the travel. I purposely worked on a place where travel is not quite easy so i may have the reason to rent a place somewhere.
And it’s also a secret from other people like friends and officemates because although it’s ok with me, im also not comfortable with what other people might think about me, so everything is a secret and it’s kinda stressful
What do you think should i do? Perhaps there is something wrong here or maybe with me that should be corrected/eliminated
Advice greatly appreciated =)