(Closed) Living together before marriage/engagement

posted 5 years ago in Waiting
  • poll: Does your SO have any habits so bad that would stop you from marrying them?
    Yes : (7 votes)
    4 %
    No : (136 votes)
    80 %
    If there were they wouldn't be my SO (lol just for fun) : (28 votes)
    16 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    4352 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    Hoarder style living would be too much for me. But I would have found that out before I ever moved in anyways.

    Post # 4
    Member
    11327 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: February 2011

    haha well obviously not since I’m still married! I guess I kind of took a leap of faith because the first time I lived with my now-husband was after we bought a house together (both of our names on the mortgage). It was after we had gotten engaged but before we got married. I felt like we’d spent enough time together that I wasn’t scared of weird quirks. It did still take some getting used to. Not just his quirks, but just the difference of living together. But it all worked out okay for me 🙂

    Post # 5
    Member
    1403 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2015

    Nope, he’s great!  We have similar cleanliness standards, and work together really well.  If he was lazy and never helped clean/cook/do laundry, we would have some issues, but he isn’t and we don’t!

    Post # 6
    Member
    38 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: December 2013

    There were ‘quirks’ I discovered after moving in with my partner that I didn’t think I would be able to live with, but I eventually realised that despite that I still wanted to stay. I am SO glad that I worked through that before we were engaged, because it would be a huge stress wondering if I only stayed with him because I had made a promise to.

    Post # 7
    Member
    2117 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    My boyfriend (and hopefully FI soon!) moved in a few months ago, and we have honestly grown closer since then. We also now both work at the same company! Crazy, I know…

    His moving in with me has shown me that we are VERY compatible! Yay!

    That being said, when I lived with my ex (the only other guy I ever lived with), things just kept getting worse and worse! I found out lots of terrible terrible things about him!

    Post # 8
    Member
    1780 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2014

    Nope….none that would make us break up….but we did learn alot about each other, and how to manage bills and money together….one thing i did fine out was since he is older than me he has a little more student debt than i originally thought, and as everyone knows once your married debts combine…so we have been able to pay off 90% of his student loans, and plan on paying off the rest before we get married, which should be done in i think this december or jan. of next year….

    but we did learn quirks about each other and habbits that probably could have been overwhelming as a newly married couple….dealing with post wedding stress…but i do understand what alot of people say that they dont want to because they want a change after theyre married and they feel if they live together they wont get that sense of newness after… but it just showed us that we can work through anything, and it brought us alot closer, and taught us how to deal with issues that come up in every day married life…and its made us stronger… 

    Post # 9
    Member
    584 posts
    Busy bee

    For us, it was not about quirks that would prevent marriage, and I don’t think that’s really why living together is such a test.  

    The test is spending *that* amount of time with someone and moving your relationship past the excitement of being together into the comfortability and, at times, monotony of daily living with someone.  We were together 6.5 years before we moved in together and thought that we knew enough about each other that it would be fine.  It has absolutely nothing to do with “knowing enough” about someone and has everything to do with being with someone alllll the time.  If you can keep a spark going after being utterly comfortable and “boring” with everyday living, then you’ve got what it takes for the long haul.

    Also, a lot of power struggles come out when you first move in with someone.  This happens whether you’re living with your family, roommates, or your SO/FI/DH, it’s just how living with someone goes.  Getting through those struggles (well, learning how to handle them, they’ll never be over, lol) was a big part of what helped my FI get ready to propose.

    Post # 10
    Member
    1716 posts
    Bumble bee

    Nope. He’s so good to me. 

    Ok his “sweets drawer” in the kitchen sometimes irritates me when he “steals” my chocolate for his ever weird eating habits. Sometimes he makes mac and cheese with honey butter and INSISTS (read, trys to spoon feed it to me) I try every single time he makes it. 

    Post # 11
    Member
    1417 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    Nope. We have been living together for 4 years. He is a pain in the ass, leaves his socks every where, toothpaste all over the counter. But I’ll put up with that to be with him = )

     In his defense some times he has to move all my hair straightener and blow dryer and makeup before he can even get into the bathroom! haha

    Post # 12
    Member
    812 posts
    Busy bee

    My SO is a workaholic with chronic gas, meaning I never see him and when I do he stinks out the house! I tease him and stuff but it amuses me in a weird way

    Post # 13
    Member
    8044 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2013

    Nope, we live together and no habit is a dealbreaker for me. Of course there were some quirks to adjusting to moving in together, but I think we make it work. No relationship is always roses. Nothing he does now would stop me from wanting to be with him. Our biggest difference is probably that I am NOT a morning person, and he very much is. I try to suck it up on the weekdays, and on the weekends he lets me sleep while he does chores.

    Post # 14
    Member
    1526 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    Npthing about DH bothers me that much.

    However, I lived with a previous boyfriend and that totally tore us apart.  We absolutely could not live together.  I am sooooo happy we figured that out before we decided to get married or anything.  

    Post # 15
    Member
    1311 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    I love everything about my SO and we’ve been living together for over a year now 🙂

     

    Post # 16
    Member
    1038 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

     We both have our quirks that annoy the other but it’s nothing that isn’t worked out with compromise.  We both didn’t plan on moving in together before marriage(or at least being engaged) but threats to his job/rumors of layoffs at his company and our leases coming up made us have a long discussion about it and we decided to move in.

     

     

    I would have never moved in with him though if I didn’t know for a fact we were getting engaged(he was saving up for a ring that we had picked out together when we moved in together).  I think moving in with a guy thinking it will lead to an engagement is just a bad idea in general.  Once you move in together it can be harder to leave a relationship that you should have left long ago.  Happened to me with my ex, we were together 9 years and I guarantee that would have not been the case if we had never moved in with each other. 

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