Living together – breakup (complicated and need help!)

posted 6 months ago in Relationships
Post # 16
10415 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

doubts :   

You’re feeling as you do because you have been brainwashed by an abuser. They’re quite good at it. The smartest, strongest, most savvy among us get taken down hard by these master manipulators. He has knocked you off balance. The beginning of the process of losing yourself is well underway.

Do you have a trusted friend or family member who can keep your puppy for awhile? Your instincts are right. Abusers will very often hurt or kill beloved pets. And, the poor pup is in a horrible environment.

Have you spoken to an attorney specifically about your stbx’s rights as a “tenant” who pays no rent? What was your agreement with stbx? Verbal contracts are fully legally enforceable, though proof is generally an issue. In the US, any contract  that involves real estate, and, by its terms will last more than one year, must be in writing. That includes rental agreements and leases. The rule originated in common law, but has been codified for many years.

Even if he does have some type of rental agreement or lease, you can bet he has repeatedly violated the terms by abusing you and violently attacking a helpless puppy. If you have nothing in writing, you will still be ok if you have to go to court. I cannot fathom any judge willing to find that he retains any possessory rights based on his commission of repeated criminal acts. Standard rental and lease agreements require that tenants refrain from illegal activities. The judge can easily find an “implied” violation, if it even gets that far.

Legally, it seems improbable that you actually owe this guy 30 days. Your local DV facility may have information on this.

From this moment on, document everything. Dates, times, locations, words, calls, texts, emails, all of it.

Here is the DV Hotline.


Home – The Hotline®



Post # 20
27 posts
  • Wedding: August 2019 - Kelowna, BC, Canada

doubts :  Im not sure where you are but ANIMAL ABUSE IS ILLEGAL. KICKING AND PUNCHING A PUPPY IS ILLEGAL. Im from Canada and all that shit is illegal and you can and should call the police and the SPCA or ASPCA if you live in US. TAKE THE PUPPY AWAY TO LIVE WITH PEOPLE THAT ACTUALLY WILL PROTECT IT IF YOU CANT.

Also you can get a restraining order against him and forcibly have him removed. 



Post # 21
762 posts
Busy bee

You need to get him out of your house ASAP, Bee. You have describe animal abuse and emotional domestic abuse.  

Go see a lawyer and talk to the police again. But I would not leave him in your house Bee, it may be even harder to get rid of him then. 

He should be arrested for animal abuse and not let back into your property. 

Post # 22
683 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

Speak to a lawyer. If he/she says, that there is NO way of getting him out faster, I’d go with a previous suggestion: ask a trusted friend, or maybe a couple to move into the house for those 30 days to try and keep him in check. 

But PLEASE don’t go with option 3. Don’t stay in this relationship. 

Post # 23
2634 posts
Sugar bee

Take pictures of your house’s condition BEFORE you move out in case he trashes the place. Judges like photo evidence.

Post # 25
876 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2019

doubts : I don’t have much in the way of advice in this situation (not having any experience in the matter), but…

Whatever you do Bee, DO NOT LEAVE YOUR HOUSE holy crap. Even if you own it, and he has absolutely no stake in it, you CANNOT leave. If he’s in possession of it without you there he can easily create a legal nightmare for you. Possession is 9/10ths of the law as the old saying goes.

Trust me. Talk to a lawyer, do what you need to do, but make sure you don’t leave. He seems like the kind of person who would change the locks while you’re at work or something to really mess things up for you. Make sure ge gets TF out of your house, and leaves all the keys with him when he goes.

Post # 27
1781 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

doubts :  OMG, that sounds so scary! I don’t have anything else ro contribute except that I will be keeping you in my thoughts for a SAFE and speedy outcome!!!! ((HUGS))

Post # 28
172 posts
Blushing bee

I know that it’s scary, but you’ve done the right thing! Ensuring the safety of yourself and the puppy are the most important things so I am glad that you are making him leave. It will be ok, just stay strong and reach out to family members or friends if you need support. You are so much better than this man and staying in a toxic relationship would only do more harm. I will be keeping you in my thoughts! 

Post # 29
1891 posts
Buzzing bee

You are doing the right thing here bee. Imagine how joyful and relieved you will be once it is all over and you are free from him. Hold to that idea and just focus on taking it one day at a time. One foot in front of the other. Minimize communication with him, keep to yourself, and just do exactly as the lawyer says. Have friends stop by to keep you company when they can. 30 days will be up in no time! And do not take any of his nasty words to heart. His nasty and mean comments aren’t actually about you at all. It is just a reflection of how much he hates himself and he wants you to be right there down in the dirt feeling crappy about yourself with him. You don’t have to take that bait. Hugs bee. 


doubts :  

Post # 30
1148 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2021 - City, State

You’ve got this bee! Keep your mobile phone on you at all times at home, fully charged incase you have to call the police. Better safe than not ❤️❤️

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