Living together – breakup (complicated and need help!)

posted 10 months ago in Relationships
Post # 32
Member
179 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

Sending hugs to you!! I don’t know you, but I’m proud of you!!! 

Post # 33
Member
405 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2019 - City, State

doubts :  Why doesn’t he pay any rent? How the hell does he think he can live in your house for free and treat you and the puppy like s***? I’m glad you stood up for yourself, who cares how angry he got, you’ll be so much better off once he’s gone. Sometimes we are just better alone, you’ll find someone hun, there’s someone for everyone.

Post # 34
Member
1214 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2019 - USA

doubts :  If you’re having doubts to the point where you’re literally planning out options to leave, you need to leave. Especially if it’s an abusive situation, you need to be VERY careful and make sure you have your parents or close friends with you every step of the way. Get a restraining order if you need to. From my own experience leaving an abusive live-in boyfriend, you really should line up a place to live before you break up for your own safety. I broke up with my abusive ex and had nowhere else to live- it escalated and I ended up having to call the police. It was terrifying, and I would never consider leaving ANYONE without having my ducks in a row first. Forget about the house- that can be fixed. It’s an afterthought next to your safety. 

Post # 35
Member
522 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

DON’T move out. It will be ten times harder to evict him if he won’t leave. Stay in the house for 30 days with overnights/weekends out at friends’ houses if you can (with your pup). And g et a lock for your bedroom door so he can’t go thru your stuff while you’re gone. Good luck.

Post # 36
Member
1209 posts
Bumble bee

You’ve made the right choice, Bee. 

And you’re thinking you might relapse and go back to this dumbass?? Oh, please get that out of your head. Please, pretty please. You’re strong and he made you feel weak; you’re smart and capable and he made you feel worthless. No one needs anyone like that in their life. You’re about to be free to regain your sense of self. That is so priceless. 

I’ve been divorced from my emotional and verbal abuser for three years now.  I’ve never been so happy about any choice I’ve made. I’ve never wanted him back, and I’m 100% myself again. 

When you get him out of the house and settle your affairs, change the locks, block his number from your phone, and act as though he never existed. 

Post # 38
Member
2452 posts
Buzzing bee

Keep being strong!

And please start developing a safety plan to get you through the next few weeks as well as after he leaves.  You don’t know how he might react or what he might do to try and intimidate you or to retalliate.

I think your best option will be to call a local domestic violence hotline and explain the situation to them – the verbal abuse, the abuse of the puppy, etc. They will be most familiar with options and resources for your area.  

I don’t know where you live, incidentally, but to get a restraining order you typically have to go through the court not to the police. I’d double check with your local domestic violence resources about getting a restraining order as you might not have been given all the information by the police.  

Post # 39
Member
2384 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

doubts :  You are awesome and strong!! Good job bee! Hang in there, you’ll be enjoying your freedom soon!!

Post # 42
Member
888 posts
Busy bee

I think you can take all the time you want trying to decide if you should stay with someone who is clearly abusive, but you at least owe it to your dog to find it a foster home until you figure things out. If someone ever abused either one of my dogs, they’d be missing an eyeball. 

Post # 43
Member
634 posts
Busy bee

doubts :  You should look into that app that will call the police for you. Noonlight-formerley SafeTrek is the one I’m thinking of but I’m sure there’s others. Keep in on your phone and use it even after he moves out if you feel it’s necessary.

Post # 45
Member
8448 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

doubts :

Well, well  done to all you are doing,  but PLEASE don’t trust  his  present quietness and apparent aquiescence. Get your  dog into foster care or  kennels for  the duration ASAP. He has  the  perfect hostage right there in the house.  

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