- 9 years ago
Hi y’all. I am writing this in hopes that some of you not-yet-engaged girls might relate, or perhaps recently engaged or married girls might have gone through something like this in the past.
My SO and I have been together for over two years. We are both in our mid-20s and are very committed. We have lived together for a year, spend time with each other’s family, share rent and living expenses, take vacations together, and generally make decisions as a team rather than as individuals. Still, we are not married, and call me crazy, but I’m not in a hurry to tie the knot, because we are still young and particularly because we are both still in school.
Even though I’m generally happy in our relationship status, I find myself somewhat confused at times, because I want the commitment without necessarily the immediate marriage. So we are committed, but we are not married. What does this even mean? How different is it from actual marriage? Are we hurting our relationship and our supposed commitment by not formalizing the commitment through marriage? Are we holding back? These questions have been in my mind as I’m at home for the holidays with my family, and he is in his hometown for the week. It has been a challenge for me to be spending the holidays apart, given that our lives are so intertwined on a daily basis. We have this life we share, but I also feel as if we both have these other separate lives in our hometowns of which the other is not truly a part. It’s also tough for me to accept that we each have histories that did not involve each other. I am confused being in this kind of limbo zone, where we are partners in some things, but not quite all. I feel as if we are not just boyfriend and girlfriends–we are partners. And yet, because we are not married or engaged or discussing imminent marriage, I feel like I am not supposed to be concerned about these issues.
Did that even make sense? Not sure. Can anyone relate or offer any advice? How did/would you deal with these issues or concerns? How did/would you discuss them with your SO?
And lastly… Happy Holidays. Hope everyone is enjoying a relaxing Christmas Eve!