Post # 1
I moved in this week with my fiancé and a friend of his that rents a room. Now I’m generally thrilled but its a foreign country which makes life already a bit stressful. Add to that, my fiancé and his friend are kind of slobs and its irking me so bad. Not a single surface isn’t covered in some kind of nasty. The hohip also reeks of cat pee, staleness, overly sweet air freshener, and body odor. Thankfully, I’ve been given permission to do whatever I want to make the house more welcoming to me but I’m also afraid of over stepping my bounds because even though I live here, it’s still his house, not mine.
My goals for today include airing out one room (it’s winter here), trying to do all my laundry with only a space heater to help me dry them, scrubbing the laundry and toilet areas from top to bottom, and rewashing all the dishes, pots, pans, glasses, and flatware. I planned out the next two weeks so that by the end there won’t be a single surface that I haven’t cleaned.
On the happy side, I found one thing that’s the same here and from where I was born and my fiancé promised me that we can go once a month to help with my homesickness. I still wish moving in together was easier though.
Post # 3
did you visit him before you moved in? did you know he was a slob?
i have to tell you, that when my FI moved in with me, i set the ground rules from the beginning. things needed to be put away and cleaned up. i did not want to live in what would become a pigsty. he lived alone before and it wasn’t a nice place so he never wanted me there (fine by me).
we share chores. i asked him what he wanted to do so he does those. now he takes pride in the house. which makes me smile.
Post # 4
ew sounds unlivable. why isn’t he helping you clean? It’s his place, too! I moved into my DH’s house before we were engaged and I know how you feel about not wanting to overstep. But, its your house too now and you will have to work at feeling more comfortable with that and so will he. It’ll get better with time.
He definitely needs to be helping you clean and keep it clean after that!
Post # 5
When FI first moved in with me I was worried about overstepping my bounds since he didn’t exactly move in one day.. more like slowly moved in over time, and there wasn’t a clear distinction between him being a guest and him living there.
I eventually got through to him when I said that when he leaves things lying around or a mess, what he’s really saying is “I’d rather not do it; I’d rather you do it.” Then I reminded him about how he hates that his dad leaves all the housework to his mom, and why he’d want to treat me the same way. He now picks up after himself and cleans once a week without being asked!! 🙂
Post # 6
@ajillity81: I did and I knew he wasn’t as clean as I was but his mom came over before moved in and cleaned. Her house is immaculate so I don’t know where he learned his current habits unless she always cleaned up after him.
Do you think it’s too late to have the rules discussion? The day after I moved in we were up at 5 am and I just decided to clean the fridge and the washing machine and I called him over to help and he did help as much as he could. He knows the mess bothers me and it was part of a very emotional cry I had later that day about being overwhelmed.
I feel like such a whiner but it just bugs me so much.
Post # 7
He has admitted that he doesn’t have a very good sense of smell where I can smell burned food for at least a week and a half after it happened. It’s part of why I hate carpet which is everywhere in his house!!
Post # 8
@LemonyItch: never too late. but do it sooner than later.
divide chores or whatever you have to do. make sure the roommate helps also.
Post # 9
@LemonyItch: It’s definitely not too late for a discussion amongst the three of you to agree on soome rules and boundaries.
Post # 10
I think that I will try to talk to them tonight. Ordinary levels of housework aren’t generally too bad but maybe just because if how bad it was/is, I’m getting overwhelmed and frustrated. My cleaning fit from this morning might have garnered me a weird reputation as I was singing to a broadway channel I created on Pandora and didn’t think about how visible and easily heard I was! Thank you, Bees for the advice and support, it really makes a difference.