(Closed) Living Together Without Sex Before Marriage and Now I am Confused

posted 5 years ago in Intimacy
Post # 3
Member
7753 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Here’s my opinion: If you are bf+gf and you live together people will assume you are having sex. But it is not my business what other Christians do. So if I was at your church I would not query or judge you.  If people ask you directly (which they really they have no business doing unless they are very close friends, or perhaps in certain situations a church pastor), then they should believe you.

Me, I wouldn’t do it (and I didn’t) partly to not give the wrong impression. So what I’m saying is: it’s not ideal, but in some situations (including perhaps yours) it’s the best alternative.

By The Way, it might be better to say you “share a house” with your bf rather than you “live together”, because it carries different connoations.

Post # 4
Member
9083 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

As an Atheist, I’m a full on believer of, “Do whatever you want within reason.”

BUT, I understand completely that you want to support your religious teachings and kudos to you for actually saying, “We want to do this and so we’re going to do it.” That’s a lot of resolve that most people don’t have.

My viewpoint of the matter is, what you do in your own home with your own SO (Or what you refrain from doing) is a matter between you, your SO and your chosen god. Nobody else should get a say in the matter, and if anybody does complain, you can just inform them that they shouldn’t be the ones casting stones in a glass house.

Post # 5
Member
1076 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

“Christian” is a blanket term for many different nuances of a general belief set. For example, I am Christian, and according to my faith, living together without the benefit of marriage is a sin. So is premarital sex. If you were to be judged by what I believe in, I’d congratulate you for being strong against sexual temptations, but I would say that living together is a sin simply because you’re not married. Others might think differently, but it’s really only up to you, isn’t it? 

You obviously have no problem with living together before marriage, so why change your life for someone else? Let your friend know you appreciate her concern, but you’ve already made your decision and will continue to uphold it.

Btw, I’m not judging you; my church only expects its own members to live by the teachings we believe in. 

Post # 6
Member
1722 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

@fzesguer:  Ok this really because I am just curious and I have absoulutly no intention of being rude but does that mean you can’t have male roommates?  Like would it be seen a sin if you weren’t in a reltionship with the person of the opposite sex but still lived with them?  Like I said I’m just curious, I love learn to about different relgious points of veiw.

Now back to the OP: Like said before this is your life and your relationship with your Boyfriend or Best Friend and God and she has no reason to judge you, you are doing what is right for you and still holding onto your beliefes.  And I would seriously just like to give kudos becasue I wish I had your self control and your passion for staying within your beliefs, I wish I was more like you.

Post # 7
Member
6 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Hi I was in a similar situation myself.  My boyfriend got cancer and it simply made sense that he move in with me – until he felt well enough to look after himself.  We are Christians and also waiting for marriage.  When he had cancer he couldn’t look after himself – he was that sick.  He struggled to stand and I fed him and cooked and cleaned etc.  Romance was the last thing on both of our minds.  He did eventually get better, and as soon as he could walk and knew he was well enough to look after himself, he moved back to his own home.  Partly for the appearance of it, and because he has many nephews and nieces and wanted to make a good example.  And also to our friends.  We’re now engaged (finally!) and we’re still waiting for marriage 🙂

I think it’s not ideal, but I don’t have an issue with guys and girls sharing a house.  I believe that you can live under the same roof (different beds) and not have sex, but I do think it’s harder and temptations are there.  Do what you’re convicted to do, but for the benefit of others who may also trip/fall it may be better to move to other share houses.  Maybe get more housemates?  Or you can share with others and he can share with others?  Just a thought.  It is up to you in the end and what you feel convicted with.

Post # 8
Member
966 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

@flutiecutie:  She is technically somewhat correct in her assertation. I’m Christian. Older people think it’s horribly wrong, but there’s nothing really technially wrong with just living with a guy. The biggest problem as far as “Christianity” goes is it’s offending people and that it gives the appearance of wrong doing (even though you’re not actually doing anything wrong). You should avoid partaking in the appearance of evil, as it’s not a good witness or testimony of your faith. People who don’t know you’re not having sex will think you are, and it’s not a good way portray Christianity, because it appears that you are having sex. 

Also, you should avoid temptation. But just hanging out alone with your fiance in a home is basically the same thing, so realistically, I don’t count that either. If you’re in separate beds, that’s totally fine. If you are in the same bed every night, you could do better to avoid temptation in that case, and it also somewhat trivializes marriage because you should only sleep in the same bed with your husband (under the belief we’re speaking of). You wouldn’t do that with a roommate or a guy friend or a brother. 

Theoretically, you shouldn’t do things that you know are offensive to people, and you should always do your best to be a good witness, as it could negatively affect the viewpoint of those around you.

However, if you can’t afford to live apart, or it would just be financially ridiculous, it may just simply be the way you have to do it. It is most certainly none of her business, either way. I mean, there has to be a line that you have to draw, otherwise you would basically have to avoid everyone all the time. Maybe you shouldn’t have a glass of wine in a restaurant, because some misguided “Christian” believes it’s a sin. Well, it’s not, but that person might still be genuinely offended. If people don’t actually know what they claim to believe, why should you work so hard to not offend them on their shallow beliefs?  

You’re right. She has no business judging you. She’s not God. If she’s ever done anything wrong in her life, then she has no place to point her finger. She has, of course, so she doesn’t. Tell her to show you in the Bible where it says you shouldn’t simply be reside in the same building as a man. 😛 lol She’s also giving the appearance of doing wrong by being so judgemental.

Here are some really great versus to point out to her, next time she wants to get all judgey on you: http://www.openbible.info/topics/judging_others

Post # 9
Member
966 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

Also, you might want to move the board to “Christianity” as it’s a fairly specific viewpoint you’re asking a bout

Post # 10
Member
658 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Who cares if I someone else thinks it is a sin. You aren’t having sex with him.

I would love for someone to post a versus in the Bible that states you two can’t live together

 

Post # 11
Member
1076 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@alyssaC:  Yes unfortunately we interpret that as not being able to live alone with one another roommate who happens to be male. If it were a house full of girls with 1 male or one of the girl’s boyfriends then that would be OK. It’s kinda weird lol and definitely made it hard on me in college because I HATE living with girls. I’m happy I live alone right now. 

Edit: the reasoning behind the male roommate thing is that theres alwas a possibility that an attraction may develop so it’s better safe than sorry to avoid living with one. Same reasoning behind why we don’t drink alcohol: the Bible frowns on being a drunkard, not specifically one drink; why put yourself in that situation where you may be tempted to love it and become a habitual drinker?

Post # 12
Member
1068 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

In situations such as this, I can only quote the wise teachings of Salt n’ Peppa:

There’s only one true judge, and that’s God So chill, and let my Father do His job.”

Post # 13
Member
1460 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I think she’s missing the point that it’s none of her business.  I’m sure she has enough things that she needs to work on in her own life without delving into your’s.  If you’ve not asked for her opinion/beliefs on the tops she needs to butt out and you need to tell her.

Post # 14
Member
2440 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

While I don’t subscribe to your beliefs, I think you should let god be the judge of whether or not you are sinning and you should live your life according to your own convictions and best judgement. If you feel you’re all right with God, don’t let what other people sya bother you.

Post # 15
Member
2440 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@flutiecutie:  if all else fails, set up a webcam in your bedroom so this friend of yours can make absoluuuuuuuuuuuuutely sure you aren’t sinning, and she can direct anyone else who may be thinking that to your livestream.  Maybe then she can sleep soundly at night without worrying about your final destination.

Post # 16
Member
1115 posts
Bumble bee

@fzesguer:  Same reasoning behind why we don’t drink alcohol: the Bible frowns on being a drunkard, not specifically one drink; why put yourself in that situation where you may be tempted to love it and become a habitual drinker?

I’m confused. Since when do Christians not drink? Are we talking about a specific sect here?

I understand how getting smashed isn’t the best thing, but I was never told to avoid alcohol altogether. People drank plenty of wine back then, didnt they? I don’t remember a verse where it says that. Could you help me out there?

@Tangled:  Hahahaha!

@flutiecutie:  I don’t agree with the idea of what you’re doing being wrong. I don’t agree with judging. If someone is truly concerned and asks you, and you set them straight, I don’t understand what the problem is. If people continue to make assumptions, I don’t think that’s very Christ-like at all. 

The topic ‘Living Together Without Sex Before Marriage and Now I am Confused’ is closed to new replies.

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