Post # 1
My boyfriend and I are most likely going to get married some time next year (2016) after two years of him wanting to and me asking him to wait so we can be more financially secure. Even if we get married next year, we’re still most likely going to have to live with his family for a little while (up to a year) before we can move out on our own. The thing is, we’re both students and both want to persue a career in medicine. He has 5 more years of university and I have 6 more years and neither of us can start full time work until then, so we’ll be renting a room from his parents until we can afford to support ourselves.
We both work part time now, and once we’re married we’ll get Youth Allowance (government benefits for students), so we could afford to rent our own place after a few months of saving.
His immediate family has no problem with this. They are very family-oriented, and very catholic. So they appreciate the chance to have their brother/son around the house for a while longer. I should add that I get along really well with his family (better than my own even! – I’m closer in age to most of them)
My family has very different values, and don’t think I should get married at all until I’ve lived by myself for a while, finished uni and have an established career.
I guess my question is, is it immature of us to be relying on his parents for financial support after we get married? Has anyone done this and have any advice?
This topic was modified 4 years, 2 months ago by mfjd1505.
Post # 2
Sorry, but I’m with your family on this one. The devil would be going to work in a snowplough before I lived with my future inlaws, especially for a extended period of time.
Getting along with people is very different from living with them. As they will also be supporting you financially, there is no way this will be a relationship of equal adults. Of course they like the idea of their son being around the house for a while longer…it means they can keep seeing him as a child for longer!
I’d save and rent your own place.
Post # 3
Youth allowance! Wow go Australia! That’s so cool. My fiancé is still in school and has to work a ton of jobs while in school. He’s always on edge :/ I don’t think you guys are immature. You seem like you have good heads in your shoulders and are dedicated to your schoolwork which is awesomeeee. I obviously don’t know his parents but I would hate to live with my parents! It would be a disaster. For example my mom would hold stuff over my head if she financially supported us. And she would try to control our Every move. So for me… No. It seems like you really love his family though. so in your case it should be fine. And I don’t think you’re crazy for getting married which still in school. You will be with each other through thick and thin and that is the sweetest thing 🙂
Post # 4
Myself and my ex-boyfriend were forced to live with his parents for about 6 months when he was out of work on sick leave and I couldn’t afford to support the 2 of us on my part time salary. It was a disastor! We all got along fine beforehand but then we all butted heads when it came time to cooking meals in the kitchen, putting on loads of laundry, trying to watch tv etc etc. There was only one bathroom in the house so even trying to get in the shower was a huge pain. We all felt like we were in each others way all the time and we were all miserable.
My suggestion is to work out beforehand who exactly is doing what – will you share the meal preparations with his parents or cook for yourselves? Do your own food shopping? Who does what house chores? Can you set aside time to be out of the house so the other couple has some personal space to themselves? Etc. Good luck with it
Post # 5
As a general rule, I’d say that living with parents after marriage is not a good idea and that if you’re not able to support yourselves financially you shouldn’t get married. However, your situation is a bit different since you’re saying it’ll be quite a while before you both finish school and are able to get full time jobs. If you are going to get married next year and live with them, I agree with DrCrazyCat that you need to have a sit down with him and his parents to discuss expectations. Then you also need to have a sit down with your Fiance to discuss the goal date of when you’ll be in your own place. Good luck!
Post # 6
- Wedding: April 2013 - ceremony at a gazebo outside, reception at neighboring restaurant on a lake
Do what you want – not what your families tell you. If you have an open door for cheap rent, I would do it. What a great opportunity to save! Just make sure you really really save everything you can. You don’t want to sacrifice the privacy of living with his parents and not have enough savings in the end to justify it. I think it is great when parents help their kids have a good start to life, be more stable on their feet. You can in turn offer the same to your kids when the time comes.
Post # 7
mfjd1505: I’m with your parents on this one. While I don’t think you necessarily need to be done school or have an established career, I do think that you should live on your own before getting married and be financially independent from your parents.
Post # 8
- Wedding: December 1969 - City, State
My husband and I lived with both sets of parents for approx 6 months at a time, although we were not yet married. We had a few problems with his parents bc of their situation but for the most part were fine living with mine. The first time it was due to finances and the second time it was bc our apartment flooded and we were left homeless. We were at work a lot, or out, so really only showered and slept There. All of my siblings lived with their spouses in my parents home for a short time (6mo-1yr) while life was getting started. We live in an expensive city and all wanted to save money to buy homes. I think if it’s a short amount of time it won’t be a problem especially if you already get along, and you understand that living with others presents challenges no matter who they are. Also, its important that the house is big enough to give you space, otherwise things could get cramped quickly.