Post # 1
ok here’s the deal.
Fiance and I are basically saving all of our money for the wedding right now, so we won’t be able to afford to buy a house when we get married. Future Mother-In-Law proposed an idea the other night that maybe we could live in their basement when we got married so we could save for a downpayment. We could just rent a place, but we’d never be able to save enough for a down payment that way & Fiance really wants to buy a house relatively soon.
In FMIL’s basement We’d have our own entrance as well as our own bathroom, kitchen, and living room. It would basically be our own little apartment. We could fix it up any way we wanted & make it our “own” even though it’s technically in someone else’s house. We’d pay our part of the power bill, buy our own groceries, do our own cooking, and pay our own bills. The only thing we wouldn’t have is a rent payment which we can save for the downpayment instead.
The only thing is FMIL’s washer & dryer are in the basement so they would have to come down there to do laundry which means we won’t have all the privacy in the world. Not to mention I’m not sure how Future Mother-In-Law would act with us there. I THINK she’d give us our privacy, but part of me feels she may still try to tell us what we should do & be in our business a little more than I would like. (she’s like that about the wedding. She usually means well, it just gets annoying.) We would definitely have to set boundaries.
So what do you ladies think? Is this a sacrifice worth making or should we just rent a place and take much, much longer to save enough for a downpayment on a house of our own?
Post # 3
Honestly, I would rent for the rest of my life over owning if the only alternative was living with my in-laws…or my parents for that matter.
There are first time home-buyer programs that can help you buy a home with minimal down payment…have you looked into anything like that?
p.s. home ownership isn’t really all it’s cracked up to be. I don’t know how old you are, but you’ve got time to get your finances in order and save up eventually.
BUT, only you really know if it’s going to work for you. Maybe you could go into it deciding that if it doesn’t feel right after the first month, you’ll rent instead. That way you know it’s not permanent. I just know I value little in this life more than my independence. It just…no. I couldn’t do it.
Post # 4
It really depends on what is most important to you. It seems that living with your in-laws would only be a temporary solution until you had your downpayment. If owning a home is your priority, sharing a washer and dryer with your in-laws seems like a small sacrifice to achieve your goal.
Post # 5
Living with IL’s has killed many a marriage. Since you are just starting out I would really go out on your own. The first year of marriage is said to be the hardest. Do you really want to add the stress of IL’s to that? You could always save slowly and in three years relook at living with them for awhile.
Post # 6
Can you offer to do her laundry for her while you’re living there? That might somewhat solve the privacy problem and also give her an added perk of you being there as well. It would keep her out of your living area for the most part, as long as you’re diligent about going up to get her laundry and doing it in a timely fashion. If she refuses your offer, plan b might be to ask her if you both can have set laundry doing times so that you are never in each other’s way. This way, you know ahead of time which days and times she will be down in the basement doing laundry so there is no surprise visit.
Otherwise, I think if you get along OK with your IL’s right now, this isn’t such a terrible idea. The money you will save will most likely be worth the inconvenience, but you do have to be prepared for some inconvenience. At least you have your own space with a separate kitchen, bathroom etc. IT could be much worse. You could be living in a bedroom next door from theirs and sharing a bathroom. That would be horrible!
Post # 7
@missrobots: lol, I’m in complete agreement! I was 23 when I bought my first house, and after dealing with that, I feel like I’d be a happy girl if I never owned again!! They weren’t kidding when they dubbed it the Money Pit! I foreclosed it and it was the best thing I ever did.
To the OP, even if you had the best of relationships with your ILs, it would still be difficult. You’d always be concerned about privacy, etc. It’s not worth the stress, IMO.
Post # 8
I say suck it up and do it, Fiance and I currently share a back yard with his parents & while it was a big adjustment for me, they’ve really been wonderful with letting our dog out when we are stuck at work & other little errands.
Post # 9
We are living with my parents right now…. honestly it is REALLY REALLY HARD!
We can’t have sex when we want.
We cant have a normal discussion without them getting involved and giving their 2cents about our relationship and decisions.
We can’t cook what we want.
We cant have a glass of wine or a beer without being scolded.
We have to clean on their schedule.
Honestly I could go on and on and on about it.
BUT… because we are paying only $500 plus food and bills, we were able to save and pay cash for our wedding and now have saved up enough for our downpayment. We will hopefully be moving out in spring.
So even though there have been times that I have wanted to shoot myself in the face, it was worth it because now we are financially stable enough to own our own home. It would have been impossible to do if we were paying a regular amount of rent.
Post # 10
If you have a good relationship with your in-laws and there are set boundaries (i.e. they have to call you before they barge in to do laundry…etc), I think it’s a great compromise to be able to have your own space and save up for a downpayment. It may even give you a push to really save quickly because you don’t want to get too comfortable. I would have thought differently if you had to share a kitchen/bathroom. But it sounds like you’ll basically have your own apartment rent free. I would jump at that opportunity!
Post # 11
We are planning on living with my parents for a little while after the wedding. We just dont have the money to put a down payment on a house. I would rather suck it up for a little while then have to be paying rent in an apartment. Maybe offer to do the laundry for her, that would solve the privacy issue.
Post # 12
Maybe I should add this: We are already living at my father’s house right now. It is just much better for both of our “jobs” at this point. He works with my Brother-In-Law who lives right next door and he rides in the company truck with him to work everyday. (they work 30-45 minutes away. It saves SO much on gas.) I don’t have a real job, but I do babysit my nephews everyday while my sister and Brother-In-Law are at work so by living here I don’t have to go anywhere. (yet another gas saver & I’m enrolled in online college so it makes it alot easier for me to do that as well)
The problem with living here, though, is we have NO privacy. My bedroom doesn’t even have a door on it. We also share a kitchen, bathroom, washer and dryer, everything. I definitely could never live here after we got married lol. So, honestly, living in the basement apartment at his mom’s would be a HUGE step up. However, I’ve waited so long to be on our own, so it’s hard to make the sacrifice for even longer.
When the idea of Fiance moving in first got tossed around I was reluctant to do it. I was afraid it would kill our relationship. But I decided to let him because, honestly, I’d rather our relationship fall apart now than after we’re married. He has been SO good about it, though, and our relationship is as strong (if not stronger) as ever.
It’s just a very difficult decision to make, butmoderndaisy: that is a good idea. I guess we’ll just have to see. We definitely need to discuss this as a couple some more before any decision is made.
Post # 13
@CanAmBride: “But it sounds like you’ll basically have your own apartment rent free. I would jump at that opportunity!”
Oh my gosh. You said it perfectly.
Plus, you sometimes have to share laundry facilities in apartments, too. 😉 I’m just kidding — I know that’s not the point. But it really does sound like a great opportunity if you’re up for it!
Post # 14
We just moved in with my parents about three months ago and it has honestly been one of the best decisions we have ever made. We live rent-free but do help out on some of the untility and food costs.
I’m going to be applying for graduate school soon so we are trying to save all the money that we can now. Fiance has a great job and we could live off of his salary… but there would not be a ton of extra room for saving if we go that route. On this plan… we are saving a TON of money AND helping out my parents.
I truly think it is 100% dependent on what your relationship is with your parents/in-laws. My mom is more like a friend to me then a parent… so it works out really well for us. The story would probably be much different if we lived with my in-laws.
My attitude has always been that we can move out at literally any point. The longer we stay… the more money we will have saved. Simple as that.
Post # 15
@futureMrsMason: well after that update yes… I think it is a good idea.
Post # 16
@tranquility: We’re doing this to save money for the wedding. I know it just sounds like we’re bums. Ugh. Lol 🙁