(Closed) living with in-laws after wedding :/ advice please!!!

posted 7 years ago in Money
  • poll: What should we do?
    just rent - you need to fly the coop! : (50 votes)
    56 %
    stay with FMIL for a while. It'll be best for you in the long run! : (39 votes)
    44 %
  • Post # 3
    2104 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: April 2011

    Honestly, I would rent for the rest of my life over owning if the only alternative was living with my in-laws…or my parents for that matter.

    There are first time home-buyer programs that can help you buy a home with minimal down payment…have you looked into anything like that?

    p.s. home ownership isn’t really all it’s cracked up to be. I don’t know how old you are, but you’ve got time to get your finances in order and save up eventually.

    BUT, only you really know if it’s going to work for you. Maybe you could go into it deciding that if it doesn’t feel right after the first month, you’ll rent instead. That way you know it’s not permanent.  I just know I value little in this life more than my independence. It just…no. I couldn’t do it.

    Post # 4
    16213 posts
    Honey Beekeeper

    It really depends on what is most important to you. It seems that living with your in-laws would only be a temporary solution until you had your downpayment. If owning a home is your priority, sharing a washer and dryer with your in-laws seems like a small sacrifice to achieve your goal.

    Post # 5
    2891 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    Living with IL’s has killed many a marriage. Since you are just starting out I would really go out on your own. The first year of marriage is said to be the hardest. Do you really want to add the stress of IL’s to that? You could always save slowly and in three years relook at living with them for awhile.

    Post # 6
    6661 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: May 2010

    Can you offer to do her laundry for her while you’re living there? That might somewhat solve the privacy problem and also give her an added perk of you being there as well. It would keep her out of your living area for the most part, as long as you’re diligent about going up to get her laundry and doing it in a timely fashion. If she refuses your offer, plan b might be to ask her if you both can have set laundry doing times so that you are never in each other’s way. This way, you know ahead of time which days and times she will be down in the basement doing laundry so there is no surprise visit.

    Otherwise, I think if you get along OK with your IL’s right now, this isn’t such a terrible idea. The money you will save will most likely be worth the inconvenience, but you do have to be prepared for some inconvenience. At least you have your own space with a separate kitchen, bathroom etc. IT could be much worse. You could be living in a bedroom next door from theirs and sharing a bathroom. That would be horrible!

    Post # 7
    2104 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    @missrobots: lol, I’m in complete agreement!  I was 23 when I bought my first house, and after dealing with that, I feel like I’d be a happy girl if I never owned again!!  They weren’t kidding when they dubbed it the Money Pit!  I foreclosed it and it was the best thing I ever did.

    To the OP, even if you had the best of relationships with your ILs, it would still be difficult.  You’d always be concerned about privacy, etc.  It’s not worth the stress, IMO.

    Post # 8
    106 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    I say suck it up and do it, Fiance and I currently share a back yard with his parents & while it was a big adjustment for me, they’ve really been wonderful with letting our dog out when we are stuck at work & other little errands.

    Post # 9
    2512 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2011

    We are living with my parents right now…. honestly it is REALLY REALLY HARD!

    We can’t have sex when we want.

    We cant have a normal discussion without them getting involved and giving their 2cents about our relationship and decisions.

    We can’t cook what we want.

    We cant have a glass of wine or a beer without being scolded.

    We have to clean on their schedule.

    Honestly I could go on and on and on about it.

    BUT… because we are paying only $500 plus food and bills, we were able to save and pay cash for our wedding and now have saved up enough for our downpayment. We will hopefully be moving out in spring.

    So even though there have been times that I have wanted to shoot myself in the face, it was worth it because now we are financially stable enough to own our own home. It would have been impossible to do if we were paying a regular amount of rent.  

    Post # 10
    1137 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    If you have a good relationship with your in-laws and there are set boundaries (i.e. they have to call you before they barge in to do laundry…etc), I think it’s a great compromise to be able to have your own space and save up for a downpayment. It may even give you a push to really save quickly because you don’t want to get too comfortable. I would have thought differently if you had to share a kitchen/bathroom. But it sounds like you’ll basically have your own apartment rent free. I would jump at that opportunity!

    Post # 11
    441 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    We are planning on living with my parents for a little while after the wedding. We just dont have the money to put a down payment on a house. I would rather suck it up for a little while then have to be paying rent in an apartment. Maybe offer to do the laundry for her, that would solve the privacy issue.

    Post # 13
    16213 posts
    Honey Beekeeper

    @CanAmBride: “But it sounds like you’ll basically have your own apartment rent free. I would jump at that opportunity!”

    Oh my gosh. You said it perfectly.

    Plus, you sometimes have to share laundry facilities in apartments, too. 😉 I’m just kidding — I know that’s not the point. But it really does sound like a great opportunity if you’re up for it!

    Post # 14
    1284 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    We just moved in with my parents about three months ago and it has honestly been one of the best decisions we have ever made. We live rent-free but do help out on some of the untility and food costs. 

    I’m going to be applying for graduate school soon so we are trying to save all the money that we can now. Fiance has a great job and we could live off of his salary… but there would not be a ton of extra room for saving if we go that route. On this plan… we are saving a TON of money AND helping out my parents.


    I truly think it is 100% dependent on what your relationship is with your parents/in-laws. My mom is more like a friend to me then a parent… so it works out really well for us. The story would probably be much different if we lived with my in-laws. 


    My attitude has always been that we can move out at literally any point. The longer we stay… the more money we will have saved. Simple as that. 



    Post # 15
    2512 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2011

    @futureMrsMason: well after that update yes… I think it is a good idea. 

    The topic ‘living with in-laws after wedding :/ advice please!!!’ is closed to new replies.

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