(Closed) Living with parents after wedding?

posted 4 years ago in Family
Post # 2
Member
15041 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

Do what ever makes sense for you financial situation.  If they don’t mind you there, and you don’t mind seeing there, I don’t see a problem.  Seems like a win win to me.  You get to save on rent and save up more, your “rent” goes to helping your own parents instead of a stranger.  F*k the social stigma of “living with parents”.  If it’s cause you actually CANT afford to move out tho, I’d be wary about bringing a kid into the mix too.

Post # 3
Member
3561 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

I think you should weigh the pros and cons here. Even create a list of them. To me, absolutely you should continue to live in the basement! That way you will have a much, much easier time saving for a house to puthe your growing family into. 

If I were you, I’d figure out a specific plan on how much of a down payment you will need for the house you want. Budget and figure out how long that would take in your own place, and how long it’d take at your parent’s. And don’t forget all of the additional expenses you would have in your own apartment aside from rent (not sure if you are paying for Internet, electricity, food, etc).

IMO, you have your whole lives ahead of you to be a married couple in your own place. If it makes the most financial sense to live with your parents for a couple more years then you will be better set to head into that life as homeowners and parents, even if you are already married. Don’t worry about the social stigma or your previous ideal. I think you have a great situation now, and so do your parents by getting that extra money!

Post # 4
Member
1932 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

Figure out what is important to you. Money or freedom.

Personally, you’ve already lived with them. I’d invest every cent I had to get the F out of there, but that’s me. I want to be able to scream while we’re having sex and not worry about my mother hearing me, lol. Or walk around my kitchen naked and not worry about my bro seeing me.

I also woudn’t want to spend my newlywed year like this.

I, personally, think relationships seriously suffer if after a certain point you’re still living wtih parents. There comes a time when you just need to develop as man and wfe, regardless of cost. 

Post # 5
Member
1587 posts
Bumble bee

There comes a point when you have to become adults, even if it’s not the best circumstances.

You’ve been beyond fortunate to have a place to live with your parents up until now.  But, when you get married, you truly become an adult and should learn to rely on each other.  You and your partner will be the main support system, financial and otherwise, for the rest of your lives, and I can attest to the fact that it’s harder than h3ll and sucks but, it sure taught both my husband and I how to budget and prioritize our finances to get into a house from a crappy little apartment.

After his death, I had the resources, mental and monitary, to survive until I could find a different place and even though my parents offered to let me move back in with them, I made the decision to continue to stand on my own and I’m damned proud that I did it.  Now, SO and I are starting to comingle finances and he didn’t have the same sort of tough love that I did so it’s a little harder but we’ll get there, or we won’t and we will know that we tried.

I’m old school, and probably come across as preachy, but I can’t change the way I feel and I wish someone had been blunt with me back in the day.

Post # 6
Member
1082 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

Move out. Marriage is a new beginning. Plus, you’re adults living in your mom and dad’s basement. Sure it saves you money, but I’d say its time to take responsibility and move on if you’re getting married and trying for a baby. About that time! 

Post # 7
Member
3900 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

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ashd904:  I am a firm believer that a new family should have their own space and do their own thing and establish their life together so when I read the title of this thread it was one big NOPE.

Post # 8
Member
2506 posts
Sugar bee

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ashd904:  FWIW, my sister and her DH are doing this now. they had their own apartments, and when her lease ended, she moved in with him, and when his lease ended, they moved in with his parents to save money for the wedding. they got married last december, and are still at my BIL’s parent’s house, as they decided it didn’t make sense to move out and pay rent when those payments could be being saved for a downpayment on a house (and his parents are happy to have them, etc.). they just got pre-approved for a mortgage and are house-hunting now.

if everyone is ok with the current living situation, i think it’s TOTALLY FINE FOR A FEW MONTHS. i mean, c’mon, we’re not talking years here, we’re talking a few months. it makes a lot of financial sense, and it’s not worth forking over hundreds (or thousands) of dollars in rent every month just because you’re married. another aspect of being married is making smart fiscal decisions together – which you are! so save up that money, wait it out another few months to find out what’s going on with your FI’s job, and then start looking at houses.

  • This reply was modified 4 years, 2 months ago by  ilovesophia.
Post # 9
Member
321 posts
Helper bee

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ashd904:  Unfortunately it seems that those with bad relationships with their parents are projecting their feelings on to you. If you get along great, there is no reason to move out. You need a strong support system, which includes your husband, but is not exclusively about him. You will appreciate your parents help even more after you’ve had children.

As pp said, why the rush? There’s no need to move out and get married and have kids in one breath. Enjoy each experience, take your time.

Post # 10
Member
1011 posts
Bumble bee

I had a similar situtation with my ex husband. It didn’t work. However, it was different due to the fact that we had lived with his parents for about a year before getting married (I was in school full time that wouldn’t allow me to work… the program wouldn’t allow me to work while completing it, if they found out, I’d get kicked out of the program and I’d signed a contract) and then after I finished that part of the program I was working part time while finishing (it was an education program and while student teaching and in class observation I wasn’t allowed to work because I had to be available all day during the day to be in class and then in the evenings for parent/teacher conferences, meetings, basically anything they wanted me to do) after I finished that portion I started substitute teaching to at least make some money while finishing… just wanted to get that out there before people tell me that I should have worked anyway. To me, it was more important to finish than to be blackballed from the program). Anyway, so obviously I didn’t have any money to afford a place and he was living with his parents but making a good living. So anyway, we got married and my plan was to graduate (I was set to graduate a few months into the marriage… we had ended up moving up the wedding to a courthouse ceremony before the school year began because, well that’s a whole different story). Anyway, so we get married. Well a few months in, his dad decided to start charging him rent, understandable and I was fine with it. But he didn’t like it. So he had me ask my parents if we could move in (rent free). They said ok, because he had my mom convinced he was going to pay his truck off, save money to actually get a place, etc. She was convinced, I was convinced. Well… that never happened. Any time I’d bring it up, he told me “we can get a place when you can afford it. You’re going to school. Make it be useful for something”. Long story short, he ended up moving out, back to his parents, we got divorced and that was the end of that. 

So while the story isn’t the same, I still wanted to share it. Granted, you have a basement to yourselves, so that is a bit different than ours (all we had was the bedroom I had, which was small, and he baracaded himself in there away from everyone and never socialized. When I finally confronted him, he told me that he wanted us to live together in our own place before we got married, but now that we were married, there was no reason (I was like wtf does that even mean? But afterwards realized he had a lot more issues going on under the surface, such as his constant lying about everything, telling me what I wanted to hear and then finding ways to make it NOT happen). 

Now, back to your situation. I do agree that it would be pointless to move, only to end up having to move again. So as long as you know its not permanent and there are set plans, I don’t see an issue. That was where I had made my mistake without having a set time line. 

Post # 11
Member
2598 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I think moving out as a matter of principle is a bad idea.

If your relatives are happy to have you, then I would stay. But I would also have a plan–like, with Excel spreadsheets and everything that outline for you and DH the projection for how much you are going to save, month to month, and the target date for when you’re going to move out, because an abstract “well, we’ll save up for a house” isn’t a great idea. Also, home-buying usually takes 1-3 months AFTER you are prequalified for a mortgage, so if you are serious about buying a home you might want to talk to a realtor and broker right now to assess your financial situation, the housing market, and what you should be doing to get yourself into shape for purchasing in a few months.

Post # 12
Member
2164 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I’ve never been a fan of living with the parents, especially after getting married. Mostly out of personal preference because I can’t imagine having to share walls and living spaces with both my SO, parents and siblings. I vote move out because the freedom is delightful. If you can find something within budget that still allows the two of you to save money, then even better. If it is truly something that the two of you cannot make financial sense of right now, then stay put. I do understand not being able to do it all at once. Like I said my stance is clearly off of my preference and I’ve had friends that have lived with their parents or in-laws for similar reasons as you stated. Do what is best for you both. 

Post # 13
Member
3305 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Don’t start a family until you can afford to move out on your own. I don’t see anything wrong with your current situation, but make sure you have a plan in place for when you will move out. In the meantime, save, save, save. 

Post # 14
Member
5940 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

I personally wanted to stand on my own 2 feet. You are wanting to play adult games (live with Boyfriend or Best Friend, marry Boyfriend or Best Friend, have a baby), but yet you won’t cut the apron strings. It’s time. Way past time. You’ll be happy to have your own space and to learn how to adult.

Post # 15
Member
658 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: Stonehouse at Stirling Ridge

I can 100% relate, DH and I recently got married in September of 2015 . At that point he moved in with me to my parents basement, and while we were both hesitant to do so, it’s what made the most sense finacially, we payed for the wedding ourselves and I had recently paid off one of my student loans. We have our own dedicated space, and the basement itself is like an apartment with its own entrance etc. I’m so grateful for my parents for letting us stay there while we try to save up for a home because the reality is that rent now a days is basically just as much as a mortgage. We’re sacrificing a couple of months living at home in order to set up for our future. It has been 6 months and DH and I have already saved up enough for a downpayment and have begun looking at houses. Don’t let yourself or others discourage you if your family is giving you this opportunity and your Fiance and yourself are comfortable with it.

On the other hand I wouldnt suggest starting a family while still living with your parents, remember babies are another financial burden, if your goal is home ownership focus on that and then proceed to save for a family. 

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ashd904:  

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