(Closed) Living with the in-laws…

posted 5 years ago in Family
Post # 2
Member
9771 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

I would never do this personally. It would be a huge unnecessary strain on our relationship IMO.

Post # 3
Member
2696 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

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tobelee0627:  There’s no right or wrong answer here, it’s all about personalities and how comfortable you are around them.

When I was with my ex we were saving for a house and lived with his parents for over a year. It was great! We had our own space and I really liked them/they really liked me!

With my H, we stayed with his parents for 5-6 days while we were waiting to move into our new place and it drove me crazy! The biggest issue was the lack of space. The only private space we had was our bedroom, which was next to theirs. It was too much and I couldn’t wait to get out of there!

Some things you might not know until you live there. Maybe you can have a trial run, but come up with a back up plan in case it doesn’t turn out.

Post # 4
Member
715 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

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tobelee0627:  I’m sort of in this situation. My husband and I are already married legally. But we live with my parents to save money until our ceremony and we move in October. My husband is going into the Air Force and leaves in June for Basic so we can’t really get our own place now. I don’t like it haha. I live with my parents and brother and have for about a year now. My mom and brother don’t work so they are ALWAYS around. My brother has friends over last minute and really late sometimes when we are trying to sleep for work and he eats all of our food. We were able to save for the most part but in June, I will have to pay rent on top of the other bills she charges me, so it really won’t help much then, but I can’t move into a place for only 4 months (with a pet). The source of my drama comes from my brother so maybe it will be better for you since his siblings aren’t there. Also you have a good job, so you will be there mostly and your Future In-Laws invited you to stay with them, another good sign. I had to ask my parents which is probably why it isn’t that great.

Your situation sounds a lot better than mine, so I say give it a try. It really does help save money, esepcially if you aren’t charged rent.

Post # 5
Member
458 posts
Helper bee

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winterwoodlandbride15:  +1

Fiance and I lived with my parents for 8 months between flats and it was fantastic because my parents are the most laid back people ever and the only thing they (my dad!) really wanted was a wine buddy so all Fiance had to do was drink fine wines with my Daddy haha. We were both sad to move out at the end.

I probably wouldn’t have wanted to live with his parents though because although they are very lovely people we wouldn’t have been able to relax the same way as at my parents’ house. His parents can sometimes read into things or get offended by things; for example I wouldn’t be able to come home after a long day and go straight to my room to relax, I’d need to chat about everyone’s day and see if there was anything I’d need to help with. Reasonable expectations but things that would make me feel like I was definitely living by someone else’s rules.

I think it’s not just about whether they’re nice and you get on with them but if you think their approach to home life is different to your approach to home life.

Post # 6
Member
1083 posts
Bumble bee

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tobelee0627:  I dont think married couples should live with their inlaws personally.

Post # 7
Member
147 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

I would never do it. I know too many people where it has put a huge strain on their marriage or ended in divorce. I knew one guy who has lived with his wife’s parents for years bc she is in school and has a child and he always loved being at work bc that meant he didn’t have to be there.

Post # 8
Member
2679 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I moved out of my parents’ house once I finished school, so I can’t imagine living with them or with my inlaws. Barring exceptional circumstances (serious illness, my house burning down, facing homelessness etc) living independently is an important part of adulthood for me. 

Post # 9
Member
9396 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

I absolutely agree with WestCoast  above  ……but IF the IL house is very big and you could be comfortably pretty much away from  them and not  be expected to sit with them in the  evening   and not have  to share a kitchen or a bathroom or (shudder) have your bedroom near theirs and  if you could be free to ask your friends over  when you like etc  etc , then  maybe . Even then you have to  bear  in mind that  not payiing a full share of living expenses carries cost  in other ways .

Fraught with potential  danger to my mind .

Post # 10
Member
3242 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

We live with my parents. We all get on really well. Its no stress. When we have money we will get our own place but right now we are where we are. Its all about how YOU feel. Some like me, and DH, are cool with it. Others are horrified. Sometimes circumstances are not ideal. Doesn’t mean it has to be miserable. I know I’d rather live with DH in a shared home than be back to the eighteen month LDR we endured previously!!

Post # 11
Member
1198 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

DH and i live with his mother and his brother in an apartment that would be considered tiny by american standards. its the norm in my country and i’m very lucky that my Mother-In-Law is very chill and easygoing. there have been moments when i wished we had more privacy or when i felt like he was paying her more attention than to me, but for the most part its been great. i love being able to help out (his brother is disabled and needs care) and coming home to a homecooked dinner everyday is amazing. It has never occurred to me to move out. 

Post # 12
Member
507 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

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tobelee0627:  I love my inlaws too, but depending on how your inlaws are, personalities etc… Then it may work or it may not. I lived with my inlaws before marriage &  2 years after marriage. I love my Mother-In-Law and all but It was hard for me, she was too controlling. Always wanted things her way. eventually I got so tired of it that I took the time to look for a place for me & my husband and we told her last minute that we were moving out. Yups it was a big shocker for her, she thought we would live there forever. She was upset for a while until she got used to it. So if I were you, really think about this.. If you know your inlaws and know that they won’t try to control you guys and let you guys do your own thing, then go for it.

Post # 13
Member
3242 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

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spbee:  I’m glad I’m not the only one! Living at home isn’t that bad for a lot of people. I hate how living at home while married seems to be synonymous with divorce on the bee. . .

Post # 14
Member
1198 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

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Yipeebee:  Yes, I think a lot of Americans are like “OMG YOU LIVE TOG! THE SHOCK AND HORROR!” but its actually very common in other countries and guess what, people usually find a way to get along and avoid killing each other. You do have to set boundaries and work out what is comfortable for you, but it isn’t as marriage-killing as people think. 

Post # 15
Member
579 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

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tobelee0627:  Did it for 3 months, my dh was retrenched. Bad idea, never again. As soon as he got a new job and we could move out we did. Wouldn’t do it unless there was no other option…

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