Post # 1
What is eveyrone’s opinion on living together before getting married?
My fiance and I are planning to live seperately until we are married mainly because of tradition but I also feel that it is one of the last major steps to look forward to. If you are living together before you get married you might as well already be married right?
Most of my friends don’t really care either way about living together before the wedding but there are a few people I have talked to that were completely appalled that we were not going to live together before the wedding. I guess they think that it entitles you to some kind of trial period where you can decide that you don’t want to get married maybe? I don’t know.
I don’t think that either way is right or wrong and I’m not concered about the whole being intimate before being married part.
What do you guys think? is it better to have a get-used-to-living-together period before the wedding or save the excitement for after the wedding?
Post # 3
@MrsSBaugh: <3<3<3<3 I’m in the same boat as you! We actually contemplated moving in together before hand…and decided it is more special to wait it out…we have 1 year left!
We are actually purchasing our first home, and will probably look at the end of this year, and have our closing in March/April so we can put all of the bridal shower gifts in and I’ll probably live there until we’re married.
We’ve been together for over 5 years, so I’m not concerned about getting used to him…I used to live with 5 girls…nothing can be worse than that mistake.
Edit: We also discused who will do what…he actually LIKES cleaning, I see him at his parents house and he makes his bed and sweeps and stuff he’ll just get up while we’re watching TV and start cleaning…he’s a hard worker and loves being a handy man…he fixes cars, he loves mowing the lawn and planting things, he wants to have a nice garden that him and I can do together! I think I hit the jackpot! I told him he isn’t touching the laundry cause he’s never done it in his life, and I LOVE doing laundry…so I guess we compliment eachother
Post # 4
I think there are major benefits to living together before getting married, and even before getting engaged. Fiance and I moved in together before our engagement and I’m so glad we did. I think most couples have a “test” period at first where they get used to each other’s habits, quirks, etc. so it’s nice to get that out of the way (and any little nitpicky fights like “It’s your turn to vaccuum!”) before you get married.
Post # 5
I feel the same way. If we can’t handle moving in together right after the wedding then how in the world are we going to make our marriage last for more than a few years?
I just thought it was weird that some people think it’s a huge mistake to wait until after the wedding to live together when traditionally you don’ live together until you’re married.
Obviously it’s different for every person, I just never considered that point of view I guess…
Post # 6
FI and I lived together before we got engaged too. It was right for us, because we were already talking about marriage and moving back to the west coast together. Better not to involve other people in cross country moves and leases and all that nonsense. Also, it was nice to work out those kinks before being married, hopfully making the first year of being married less stressful.
That being said, it’s not for everyone (I voted other). So, I would say it depends on the couple and their beliefs and desires. I don’t think living together will make being married less special for us, but it might for another couple.
Post # 7
@CaliHoya: I don’t think living together will make being married less special for us, but it might for another couple.
I like how you worded that response…that’s exactly how I feel!
Post # 8
I wish I would have lived with my ex before we were married. If I would have, I would NOT have married him! My Fiance and I have lived together well since we started dating. It has been the best experience. We get an up close look at how the other really is on a day to day basis. I would highly recommend living with your SO before marriage!
Post # 9
We moved in together two years ago, mostly because since then, it has saved us $25,000 in rent (really, we were each paying $2,000 in rent, so it would have been 50k for us to live separately over the past two years). Throwing that kind of money around would have been ridiculous, when we were only using one apartment anyway!
Post # 10
I wouldn’t have it any other way, I love living with my Fiance. We bought our house 3 years ago and just got engaged 6 months ago.
Post # 11
As a “Mature” Bride I have done both (first wedding was 30+ years ago).
This time, SO and I began living together shortly after we began “officially” dating. So before being engaged.
Infact we just recently decided to get engaged / married… technically as we are well past our having kids stage, we could have stayed Live-Ins for ever.
BUT, then we decided, what the heck lets get married (kind of cute… I feel as giddy as a school girl… being a Bride-to-be is AWESOME whether you are 20 or 120)
— — —
For the record though… as someone who has been there done that… let me say
That living together and being married ARE NOT the same thing.
Being married is about a lot more than just a piece of paper… something ya won’t figure out until you are married (maybe not right away… but most definitely somewhere down the road… )
Post # 12
I love living with my Fiance too. I feel like right now we really are a family. And I don’t think it’ll take away the specialness of getting married. But I can kind of understand, because I always hear people say a first look doesn’t take away the anything from walking down the aisle, but we think it would so we’re not doing that.
To me living together is important and a good idea, but not necessary. Living with someone for the first time can be stressful, and I for one would not want that added stress right before or after the wedding.
I am happy that we live together because I know that Fiance and I are going to come home after the honeymoon and go back to our regular, happy lives. There will be no stress about moving, or about trying to figure out how to have someone in your space all the time, or wondering who’s going to do which chores, or feeling resentful that he’s not pulling his weight.
But if you’re willing to chance the stress in order to make it more special to you, then that’s what works for you.
Post # 13
Living together before even an engagement is very important to me (and it was to my husband as well). I think it is personal choice, but I have lived with two men – one I did not marry, and one I did, and I am very grateful for both experiences and certainly have no regrets with either.
My husband and I moved in together when we moved across country, a few months after we started dating, and we were engaged and married a few months after that. Living together beforehand did not make getting married any less special and we both had a lot of fun living together before we married. I think of that time as JUST as important in our relationship as our time being married. For me marriage was not about doing something “new” (like living together for the first time), but rather about exchanging vows with someone I not only knew and loved very deeply and authentically, but I also knew I was ready and able to live with day in and day out from direct experience.
All this talk of “being traditional” by not moving in together before marriage is a bit silly in my own opinion. Way back when we did not have marriage ceremonies the way we think of a marriage ceremony now. There weren’t these legalities or anything on it. There is some indication that just moving in together or declaring yourself as married was a marriage in itself, with or without a blessing or non-legalized ceremony. So, when I see “tradition” I see “the norm for the more recent past”! If you are interested, there is a good book on the “A History of Marriage” by Elizabeth Abbott that talks a lot more about “traditions” of marriage.
Post # 14
I kind of thought that my opinion would be the minority….pleasantly surprised! I voted that it’s necessary. if you think about it, people say the first year of marriage is the hardest. I believe it’s because you’re learning to live together! For me, it was a pleasant affirmation that we made a great choice to spend our lives together!
Post # 15
Every couple has to do what’s right for them but personally, I wouldn’t have married someone who I didn’t live with first. DH and I cohabitated for a loooong time prior to getting married (more than 6 years) and I wouldn’t have traded that time for anything. It taught us how to work as a team and share the responsibilities that go along with running a household together. Sure, after marriage life didn’t feel all that different but that’s okay. We loved our life just the way it was before we were legally husband and wife so nothing needed to change.
Post # 16
I think choosing to not live together before marriage is such a romantic notion! I know it’s the “traditional” thing to do but I don’t know a single person that’s done it. Kudos to you!
As for me (and many of my friends), moving in with boyfriends was pretty much the norm… just the next step you take in a relationship. More than once, breakups happened because of things I discovered after moving in with them, and I’m greatful for them. My Fiance and I have lived together for 2 years, and we’ve seen all the discusting/annoying/ ridiculous things that we do in our own home, and we accept them. Hopefully, that gives us a good basis on our marriage! But I must admit, with the divorce rate what it is, I do wonder if the old fashioned ways of doing things may have been better… i don’t know… def not gonna find another Fiance to try and figure it out 🙂