Post # 152
Member
3414 posts
Sugar bee
- Wedding: September 2014 - Lodge
Fiance and I moved in together almost 3 years ago. We lived over a half hour away and it was inconvenient for him to drive to my house all the time but it was also inconvenient for me to drive to his house because I had 3 kids in school and I worked another 20 miles from my house in the opposite direction. So we’d stay the night at Fiance house, leave early in the morning to drop the kids off at school and then I’d drive another 20-30 minutes to work. He was also doing the same thing, driving his daughter another 20-30 minutes in the morning to her school when he had her(she goes to school in the town her mom lives in, better educational system).
Since I rented my house and Fiance owned we decided to move to his place. No one could really say much to me about “living in sin” since I already had 3 children from a previous relationship out of wedlock.
It’s a personal choice. Some people feel that living apart until marriage will give them the “honeymoon” feeling a lot longer. Some people feel if you live together first you can learn their habits and see what you can live with and what you can’t live with. I don’t think there is really a right or wrong answer.
Post # 153
Member
780 posts
Busy bee
We are living together, but we haven’t slept together and are waiting until after we get married. We also sleep in different bedrooms.
Post # 154
Member
60 posts
Worker bee
My Fiance moved in with me a few weeks after we got engaged just because it was really stupid for him to pay rent staying with a friend when he was already spending the majority of his time at my place anyways. Also we did this because it helping us put together a budget so that we can find a bigger place..
Though I will admit that his parents are not to happy about it as they are Christians and believe that it should wait till after we are married.. But they also realize that it is really up to us how we live…
Really it has to be what you want, and no what anyone else thinks about it.
Post # 155
Member
3978 posts
Honey bee
We lived together before and it definately made sense for us both economically and emotionally. We were practically spending the night with eachother every night as it was and so moving in together just made sense. At the same time, not having that major feeling of transition kinda sucked. Then again, we had already worked out all our little kinks so there was no difficult transition where we had to get used to eachothers quirks. We have friends who waited and for the first 6 months of marriage were miserable because they found all the little things they never noticed and drove eachother up the wall. We were lucky enough to be in wedded bliss from the start and I attribute that to having already lived together for a few years!
Post # 156
Member
9792 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
Well I had never lived with any other SO before, only roommates. I never even considered it with any of the exes.
I moved in with Fiance 3 months after we met (we were both 27, almost 28 when we met), we both just knew this was it I guess. I was over there every single night anyway, it just felt right. We started talking seriously about marriage within a few months of moving in. It’s been wonderful, I couldn’t imagine not living with him
Post # 157
Member
640 posts
Busy bee
I have always felt that I had to live with someone first before deciding if they were perfect for me. I mainly just wanted to live with my Fiance before we got engaged because I just loved being around him so much! He is my best friend and we get to see each other everyday and save money by living together. It also gives you good practice to see if you are on the same page about various responsibilities and to see how well you solve problems together. I was with someone before that I considered MAYBE could have been a possible forever mate, but then when we lived together and I knew we really were not right for each other because he hated taking on any sort of responsibility in the home and would just shut down when we would have a conflict. Really helped me to find that out, but I also know if you find the right man it won’t matter if it is before or after.
I guess I just wanted proof of delivery before signing for thr package.
Post # 158
Member
84 posts
Worker bee
@MrsSBaugh: do any of you think that it would have been any different if you had moved in together after the wedding rather than before?
Yes. The difference is that if you wait until after the wedding, it is a very permanent situation. I agree with previous comments that there is no universal “right” answer for everyone, but as a overwhlemingly practical person who is a planner I can’t imagine putting myself in the position of feeling “stuck” if I had married my sweetheart and then living together proved too difficult. Why not stack the odds in favor of the relationship & do everything in your power to be sure before making it official?
That’s just my opinion, of course. My personal situation was VERY unique in that I’ve known Fiance for practically my whole life. We grew up together and were friends as kids. By the time we moved in together we had been dating for about 10 years (since age 14) and had lived in separate cities and countries (during college). We were done being apart. That, and the practical details of saving on rent, etc. made it a very natural, very easy decision for us.
By the time we get married at the end of the month we’ll have lived together for about 2 1/2 years. Moving in took our relationship to an even deeper level and I know officially being man & wife will do that once more. It won’t be any less special, in fact our long road of many relationship phases has made each milestone even better.
Post # 159
Member
76 posts
Worker bee
My fiance and I are talking about moving in together. I figured we needed to talk about how we will fit my stuff in his apartment as it is kinda small. I live with my parents now and am nervous about moving out before i am married but at the same time excited.
We just bought some new furniture yesterday!
Post # 160
Member
1070 posts
Bumble bee
Lol my fi and i moved in together before we even met each other. My introduction to him was hi, btw im moving into your apartment(its a long wierd story). We started dating and I never left
Post # 161
Member
1070 posts
Bumble bee
Lol my fi and i moved in together before we even met each other. My introduction to him was hi, btw im moving into your apartment(its a long wierd story). We started dating and I never left
Post # 162
Member
1151 posts
Bumble bee
Hmmm, this is very interesting. My Fiance and I are in a LDR and I am trying to figure out whether to close the gap now or wait until after marriage.
Post # 163
Member
1584 posts
Bumble bee
It is a necessity for me! Marrigage is officially beginning your life together. But you should have the kinks worked out ahead of time. Without living together, how will you know that you can’t stand him not closing the cabinets or he hates that you don’t cap the toothpaste? Heck, even learning to fart around each other is sometimes a challenge!
I feel the same way about sex. Don’t sleep around but you definitely shouldn’t wait until marriage. Before marriage you should absolutely know you are compatible on ALL levels. I feel like a lot of divorces happen due to people getting married but only knowing each other from dating, not from day to day life.
Post # 165
Member
47 posts
Newbee
Echoing what others have said, living together before getting married is a huge advantage. We all have secret single behavior (c’mon ladies, you know you do!) and in turn, there are things your man does that may not be the most appealing. It’s good to get an idea of what you’re going to be like living together. We dated for two years before moving in together, and just got engaged after living together for about a year. It helped us see that we can get through anything, and are truly compatible. I would never have got engaged without being sure I could live with that person- and that they could live with me! I personally plan on doing everything I can to make sure my marriage doesn’t end in divorce, and part of that is living together.
All of that being said, it’s your life, do what you see as best for you!!! 🙂
Member