(Closed) Livng together before the wedding

posted 8 years ago in Traditions
  • poll: How do you feel about living together before the wedding?

    Save it for after the wedding

    It's necessary

    It's a sin

    It doesn't matter

    It helps you get to know each other better

    Other

  • Post # 17
    Member
    890 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: December 2012

    I’m in the boat where we lived together before we were engaged.  We actually bought our house 3 months after we started dating and we been living together ever since and building our home.  I think its important to know what you will be living with for the rest of your life in a way.  Especially if your the only child.  I love it and wouldn’t change my choice ever!! I think it depends on the person and what you grew up tradition wise.  🙂

    Post # 18
    Member
    101 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: February 2014

    My best friend was appalled when I said that Fiance and I were moving in together before our wedding. She threw all kinds of statistics at me about how couples who live together break up more often than couples that move in together after the wedding…well duh! People who live together before marriage break up more often because they may find living together is not viable…not because living together corrupts their relationship. That said, I respect her opinion and do understand that for some people, it’s a moral choice. It isn’t for me–we’re saving rent by doing it this way and we moved in together 2 weeks after we started dating anyway (I got kicked out of my apartment, long story, and had nowhere to go until school started again. I moved back to school and then 1.5 years later we moved in together again.)

    It’s all a matter of personality. What’s right for one is not going to necessarily be right for another.

    Post # 19
    Member
    79 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: July 2012

    My husband and I lived together around a year before getting married… It was not a test period or anything like that… We was already engaged and just ready to move in together on our own before we could pay for our wedding… I wouldn’t change a thing…

    Post # 20
    Member
    2902 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: March 2014

    I didn’t realize people  still had this traditional view about living together until I joined the Bee. 

    I’m from Australia and dont know a single person who has waited. I literally have never known anyone who has ever waited to move in together until they are married except for my grandma.

    I think it’s down to religion and in Australia religion holds almost no place in society.

     

    Post # 21
    Member
    6112 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: August 2012

    I lived with my ex since the day we met (work arrangements).  I think it progressed things unnaturally and maybe I felt kind of stuck.  I vowed never to live with anyone basedon convenience ever again.

     

    This time I was not going to live with any man unless we were engaged with plans (like a season/year) to be married.  I had my own house and I wasn’t going to sell it for anyone, it had to be the real deal. 

    Post # 22
    Member
    391 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    I think you need to know how you work day to day.  Being around them ALL THE TIME changes your perspective.  How do you get ready in the morning – are you in each other’s way?  There’s a lot that you can brush off because it’s only a few days that you’re staying over.

    Post # 23
    Member
    807 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    I feel that living together before marriage has advantages in that you are able to work through issues/discover any deal-breakers in advance; that being said, I don’t think it will ruin your relationship to not live together. The most important thing either way is that you have reasonable expectations. Regardless of how well you know each other, living together is a big adjustment and requires compromise on both parts.

    Post # 24
    Member
    964 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    Due to FH having to move, we will live together 1 week before the wedding. We agreed this was best and it was a standard that I wanted to live by. His commute will be longer and the kids are currently enrolled in school 10 houses down from where they currently live. I did NOT want to move them to a new district until we were married.

    Post # 26
    Member
    10635 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: January 2011

    I know that some people consider living together before marriage to be a sin, but I don’t really understand why.  If someone here feels that way, I would love to hear why!

    I don’t think people need to live together before marriage, or to avoid it.  I still think it matters though, it’s a big step and to just shrug it off as ‘doesn’t matter’ isn’t taking a big step seriously enough In My Humble Opinion.

    Post # 27
    Member
    2695 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    View original reply
    @Mrs. Fireworks:  Agreed.

    OP, I voted other, because none of your poll options say its a good idea, but not necessary….I’m torn on if it would have been a need for us.

    If you are living together before you get married you might as well already be married right?

    No…

    Post # 28
    Member
    9 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    There was a big New York Times piece on this a couple of weeks ago about the connection between living together before marriage and breakups/divorces. Here’s my $.02: Do it if you’ve already discussed marriage and are BOTH certain that’s where you’re headed. If you don’t do that, I think you’re headed for trouble. My Fiance and I  moved in together about six months before the engagement, but not before I knew that he planned to propose within the next year. 

    Post # 29
    Member
    10635 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: January 2011

    @MrsSBaugh:  There was lots to look forward to!  We went from living as roommates (separate bedrooms, separate finances) to living as a married couple.

    Post # 30
    Member
    834 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    My husband and I lived together before we got married. We both believe it was a wise decision for us. We learned how to live together, learned eachother’s pet peeves, how they clean, etc. We lived for almost 3 years before we got married and it didn’t make our marriage any “less” special because of it! If anything, it reassured us that we truly love eachother’s and want to spend the rest of our lives together! 

    Oan: my best friend had been dating her ex husband for 14 years before they got married and chose to not live together until after they were married. unfortunately for her, she didn’t know a lot about her then husband and got a divorce 2 years later. Now, I’m not saying this is what happens to everyone but I’m 100%sure that if she chose to live with him before, she would have NEVER married him to begin with. It would have saved a lot of heartache, money, and now they have a child involved in this divorce. 

    Post # 31
    Member
    9950 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2012

    View original reply
    @FauxBoho:  I agree that there is a religious aspect to it for many… and those traditional (old fashioned ?) values that go hand-in-hand with that are more prominent in American society.

    Like Australia, religion isn’t a huge element in Canada any more either.  So living together isn’t a big deal here without the santity of marriage (infact in the Province of Quebec, there are probably more people living Common Law than Married now).

    In Canada, one is recognized as a couple no matter what type of relationship you have… including Same Sex or Common Law… and affords us within them all our Federal Rights, and almost all the same rights as married couples… be they Straight or Gay (ALL the rights if you have a Will and a Common Law Contract… which covers off one’s provincial rights)

    In the USA the Federal Gov’t doesn’t even recognize Common Law Unions… I know because I get the 3rd Degree everytime my SO and I cross the border into the USA… in that our last names are different, and so we are not allowed to present ourselves to Customs as a Couple / Family Unit, common refrain I hear is… “Sorry, you need to go back to the line miss … as you are not married to one another”

    Drives me crazy.

    Getting married for us will make travelling outside of our country a lot easier, and ensure our rights as a couple when visiting abroad (important if God forbid something should ever happen to us away from home… in many countries including the USA, only spouces can make medical decisions for the other partner)

     

    The topic ‘Livng together before the wedding’ is closed to new replies.

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