(Closed) Livng together before the wedding

posted 9 years ago in Traditions
  • poll: How do you feel about living together before the wedding?
    Save it for after the wedding : (73 votes)
    11 %
    It's necessary : (204 votes)
    31 %
    It's a sin : (17 votes)
    3 %
    It doesn't matter : (110 votes)
    17 %
    It helps you get to know each other better : (245 votes)
    37 %
    Other : (16 votes)
    2 %
  • Post # 92
    720 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: January 2013

    We moved in together after about 15 months..and have lived togther in a range of different situations for 4 years now (I moved into FI’s family home with his mum and brother, we then moved cities and lived in a tiny apartment by ourselves for a year, lived with my grandparents for 32.5 months, flatted with FI’s cousin and his partner, flatted with strangers, moved into a self-contained sleep-out by ourselves, lived with his younger brother and now we’re living with my mum/stepdad/sister) haha we’ve done it all! We’re currently saving to buy our first home, and hopefully will have it before the wedding!

    For me personally, I think it’s a necessity to live together before being married. But that’s me, I like to be in control, have things how I want them etc. I think it’s something that can differ for different people though!

    Post # 93
    2819 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: February 2013

    FH & I don’t really care either way. Originally we figured that we would move in together after the wedding because it was cheaper (we could live rent-free with our parents until we finished school). However, changing the wedding date from the summer after graduation to February, and the length of my FH’s internship (16 months, as opposed to 12 or 6), all impacted our decision to move in together when he gets back from being Out of Town for over a year! So we’re looking forward to buying a condo in August/September of this year, right around when we would have been getting married and moving in together originally, but a season before we get married as it stands at present.

    Post # 94
    853 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    I’ll be married in a month, and I’m not stressed whatsoever about our decision not to live together before the wedding. We both independently decided not to live with anyone before marriage, so it was nice that one of us didn’t have to compromise on that. We certainly spend a lot of time together, and we’ve dated and learned about each other for two years, so I really don’t anticipate much of a transition. I look forward to moving into my HUSBAND’S home and making it OURS 🙂

    If you decide to live together before marriage, please, don’t let it be for financial reasons because you don’t want to pay rent at two places! It’s not the same thing as having a convenient roommate.

    Post # 95
    242 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    We don’t have a choice.  Fiance is moving from another country to be with me.

    Post # 97
    2701 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: November 2011

    we lived together before we got married. i think it is very necessary.

    Post # 98
    716 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: March 2014

    BF and I (not engaged yet) moved in at 6 months (we’re now at 10 months) after he had literally been staying in my apartment every single night. It made sense to us and is the most amazing experience. I’ve lived with exes and it helped me see why they weren’t right for me. I’m completely sure about BF an living together is bliss every single day.

    I think its necessary. I understand the tradition and morality of this but I know of people who have lived together and still abstained from sex — the two can be separate. You don’t know someone until you spend every moment, good and bad, with someone. Where you can let your hair down, walk around in your pajamas all day without showering or combing your hair or putting makeup on and they still love you. Where they can see you at your worst and you can see them at their worst.

    Post # 99
    3574 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    View original reply
    @s.renea9:  ME TOO!  Three weeks later.  Boy, it sped the relationship up pretty fast but I am glad we went that route.  It’s been a blast. 

    As for the PP who said not to do it for financial reasons – we did!  I didn’t want to have to commute to see him, so he moved in.  What?  I’m lazy!  lol

    Post # 100
    63 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    Necessary! And practical. Well for us anyway. After living alone at college, going back to living at the family home was awful! Rather than throwing away more money renting on my own, my partner and I bought a house together – best thing we ever did!

    Post # 101
    1094 posts
    Bumble bee

    View original reply
    @txbella:  Of course I had a feeling before moving in. But for me, actually living together made it real! In the end, we we’re able to work those little kinks out pretty well, but not everyone adapts easily to a different environment.

    Post # 104
    65 posts
    Worker bee

    I don’t think it’s necessary, nor do I think it’s a sin. For the record, I live with my boyfriend of six years and have for the past 6 months or so (I’m 22). I think it just depends on what works for you and your fiance. There are way too many variables (age, length of relationship, careers, college, maturity, etc) for there to be ONE correct way. I see the value in living together before getting married, but I also think it’s great to wait to move in together until after getting married. I DO think it’s important to discuss expectations and potential issues before moving in, regardless if you’re married or not, but I think that a lot of people do that anyhow.

    I never understood the sense in being appalled by either decision. It seems to me that, regardless of what decision people make, people are resilient and able to determine what works best for them.

    Post # 105
    65 posts
    Worker bee

    View original reply
    @MrsSBaugh:  My parents are fine with it! My boyfriend and I actually rent from my parents. My parents hae lived together since my dad was 17 and my mom was 18 or 19 or so. So they have no room to judge. My parents are pretty laid back and not particularly religious. That being said, I have been with my boyfriend since high school and they really like him, so I’d imagine that contributes to how supportive they are.

    My boyfriends dad is FINE with it, but his mom pretended to care at first. But there are some issues with her (and she’s never happy with anything) … so yeah. Haha. I suppose that’s kind of backwards as “typically” the girl’s parents care more about that kinf of thang.

    Post # 106
    665 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    Fiance and I live together but we moved in about 4 or 5 months before the wedding and it was only because I moved to the city to join him and that close to the wedding it didnt make sense to get my own place.

    I think its definitely you opinion and beliefs. I was always raised to get married before living today. And on the other hand I have people telling me that at the age of 22 I should just live with the guy, not marry him. But, thats no me. 

    I saw some pp mention the annoyance of moving after the honeymoon and I agree with this. I would say if at all possible move all your stuff together before the wedding (even if its just a few weeks before) so you can come home and start your life together without all the stress of moving!

    The topic ‘Livng together before the wedding’ is closed to new replies.

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