(Closed) Livng together before the wedding

posted 9 years ago in Traditions
  • poll: How do you feel about living together before the wedding?

    Save it for after the wedding

    It's necessary

    It's a sin

    It doesn't matter

    It helps you get to know each other better

    Other

  • Post # 107
    Member
    914 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2012

    Definitely necessary. I think it’s important for couples to learn to live together before marriage.

    Post # 108
    Member
    247 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    I am ONLY speaking from personal experience and I was way younger….about 24. I had been with my ex for 5.5 yrs. He WAS the love of my life, or so I thought…until he moved in with me. We lasted living together for 3 months. He moved out…we tried still to live seperate but I realized I couldnt stand living with him. I decided from then on I HAD to live with someone before I got married. I SERIOUSLY thought my ex was THE ONE and if I hadnt experience that, I prob still would. I have now lived with my fiance for almost 3 yrs. We dont love EVERYTHING about our ‘habits’ but it doesnt phase us. We respect we are different ppl and we just love each other that much to move past it.

    I dont think its for everyone (living together before)….but it was/is for me. If you cant live with someone with all the good and not so good…, it prob wont last. All the habits eventually come out and you see JUST how ppl truly are…..

     

     

    Post # 109
    Member
    827 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    If you haven’t lived together at all, there’s going to be a lot that you discover about the other person.

    Personally, I think that living together before committing to FOREVER is a good idea.

    Post # 110
    Member
    625 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: January 2012

    My husband was going to move in with me a year before the wedding. but then we moved the wedding up 11 months. it is a HUGE adjustment more so when its one of your places and you aren’t moving in to a new place together. and living together before hand lets you get a handle of how each of you handle finances. To be honest we are still living like roommates from a financial perspective we’re working on combining some of it now. On top of all that i got really sick a month after the wedding and have been dealing with that for the past 3 months so that made an already stressful situation difficult. But we made it through it and it will only make our relationship stronger. ๐Ÿ˜‰

    Post # 112
    Member
    6889 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: March 2012

    I had a hard time choosing between “It’s necessary” and “It helps you get to know eachother better.”For ME, both are true. For anyone, the second part is for sure true. Living together on a daily basis is a game-changer, whether people want to admit it or not.

    I personally have always found it necessary, which probably has a lot to do with my mother always saying she wished she had lived with my father before they got married. FYI, they divorced after 10 years of marriage and they had dated for 4-ish years before marrying. So yes, going into it, I always knew I would live with someone before marriage as I see the benefits. I get that some people don’t, and it’s no issue of mine. It isn’t absolutely necessary but boy am I glad I went with my gut. ๐Ÿ™‚ 

    I can now say somewhat in retrospect that getting married DOES change things even if you’ve been living together for years, like DH and I had. A lot of people have the argument, “You might as well be married if you live together,” but ladies let me just say – nope, not the same thing. We had literally lived together for almost 3 years before we got married in March and it’s still an adjustment to now have a HUSBAND. It didn’t take anything away from our newlywededness (might have just made that word up.) Being married is harder than we’re told, and things still have some adjusting even if you’ve lived together prior. I’m so glad we didn’t have to add moving in together and learning all those “cute” (read: annoying as shit) habits at the same time that we’re adjusting to being married.

    The first year is supposed to be one of the hardest, and I for one am really glad we at least got some of the other adjustments out of the way. I can’t imagine having to “learn” about his annoying habit of not rinsing the sink after he shaves, how much we both abhor laundry or dishes, or how neither of us *like* to get up early and take the dogs out. I’m very glad I knew what I was getting into prior. That is just my opinion.

    Post # 113
    Member
    878 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    I lived with my Fiance BEFORE we were even engaged.  And I have lived with two other boyfriends in the past no engagement.  And you know what, no regrets!!!!!!!!!

    If I had pushed to marry one of my exs just so that I could live with him, I would be in a world of regret right now!!!  Especially my first boyfriend, he was so nice and charming and amazing.  But a few months after I moved in he became controlling and emotionally abusive.  I could go no where without him.  When I did leave i was able to do so and cut all ties immediatly without him knowing where I was while I went into hiding for about 6 months.  If I had of gone through a divorce, I have no doubt I would probably be dead right now.

    18 months after I left him I checked the email account I had had while I was living with him.  I found an email from a concerned husband from USA.  His wife had left him and gone to Australia to be with my Ex after he wooed her online.  I returned the email apologising that I had never answered.  They told me she had gone, stayed with him for a few months, he had promised to show her Australia.  In the end he wouldnt let her out of the house.  And when she did get the guts to walk out and leave to return home, he pulled a knife on her.

    Psycho!!

    Extreme case I know, but I believe in living with someone before marriage 100%,  and will never regret the fact that I did.

    Post # 114
    Member
    129 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    We moved in with each other before we even talked about marriage or even engagement. I wouldn’t call it a trial period, but there is a lot to learn about someone when you live with them. I wasn’t planning on running the second something turned bad – and I sure didn’t, ’cause I married him – but I wanted to make sure that the change in our lifestyles didn’t make either one of us miserable, and what he considers ‘clean enough’ makes my skin crawl ๐Ÿ˜€

     

    We got to work all of that out before we were newlyweds, and so far it’s making our first year of marriage a lot easier. It’s a decision that’s up to each couple, and I don’t think you should let anyone sway you either way. My mom was ready to kill me when I first moved in with him unmarried, but now she’s glad I did because hubby and I get along better because of it.

    Post # 115
    Member
    1375 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    We had talked about marriage/engagement before moving in together.  However, we both wanted to live together before the engagement.  We wanted to work out any co-habitation related kinks before there was jewelry involved.

    I think it is different for every couple, and of course respect those who chose differently than we did (whoever said living together before marriage was slutty, well I will withhold my comments for baiting/snark rather than letting mods do so for me.)

    I think the most important thing is to be 100% positive in your relationship before taking the leap to engagements and marriages. 

    Post # 116
    Member
    2539 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: April 2018

    I think for me and my Fiance, moving in together is like… the fun exciting thing you get to do after you get married, and is one of the big things that we are looking forward to. I know most couples don’t think this way, but I personally am really happy that neither of us has ever lived with an ex before and that it’s an experience that we will only ever share with each other.

    Just as an aside, this isn’t why Fiance and I aren’t living together, but I saw a news story last month about a recent study that showed a correlation between cohabitating before marriage and higher rates of divorce, though just because there is a correlation doesn’t mean it is the cause- and not that I expect that the bees currently living with their FIs are doomed to divorce! I’m just a nerd and statistics fascinate me.

    I’m definitely glad that even though Fiance and I aren’t living together that we have both had roommates though. I think learning to live with other people in general is an adjustment and having roommates definitely teaches you how to compromise and communicate. Plus after living with some really awful roommates I know we’re really going to appreciate living with each other haha.

    Post # 117
    Member
    190 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    I prefer to but it’s not for everyone and I don’t judge anyone who chooses to or chooses not to.

    Both Fiance and I acknowledged we had rather odd habits and we should make sure we’re compatible. He polishes his golf clubs about every single day and I leave my shoes wherever I take them off. We also both entertain like crazy and my dogs are nuts so we needed to make sure that worked.

    Post # 118
    Member
    3352 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    I was raised to believe in not living together before marriage. My DH moved in with me last August, and I think for the first couple months, we were fighting like cats and dogs and there was even talk about moving right back out. I think that is my only fear for people who don’t live together before marriage – it’s more common to be fighting like cats and dogs initially because of household roles that haven’t been figured out yet, than to have everything be absolutely smooth.

    not saying that smooth doesn’t happen, it’s just rarer.

    Post # 119
    Member
    438 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    I moved in to FI’s house 3 months after we started dating. 6 months later Fiance bought a house about 45 minutes away from our families and we relocated together. It’s been awesome living together and having our own home. That process made me realize that Fiance was a man I’d love to marry one day. He included me in the house searching as well as how the house is laid out and decorated. He cooks me dinner (he works 6-2 and I 9-5), helps me clean and shows me that we can really live our lives together as a team…which makes me so excited for our life together! He was the first man I have ever lived with…I thought I wouldn’t move in with a man until I was married, but life sometimes works out in different ways!

    Post # 120
    Member
    76 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    Everyone is different but we lived together and loved it and it definitely helped save lots of money.  It didn’t make finally getting married any less special for us at all.  The whole newlywed mushy mush is too cute in our familiar surroundings.

    Post # 121
    Member
    177 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    Live with whoever you want whenever you want. No one situation is “right” or “wrong”. If you’re in a relationship with somone and want to live with them, go for it. You don’t have to wait for a marriage/engagement/hint of engagement. How about you just wanna shack up with them?

    Living together brings that relationship to a whole different level, but it doesn’t have to be in any indication of matrimony. I lived with my ex for almost 4 years with no interest in marriage. I didn’t feel like a whore once.

    To each his own ๐Ÿ˜‰

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