(Closed) Livng together before the wedding

posted 9 years ago in Traditions
  • poll: How do you feel about living together before the wedding?

    Save it for after the wedding

    It's necessary

    It's a sin

    It doesn't matter

    It helps you get to know each other better

    Other

  • Post # 122
    Member
    383 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    Fiance and I bought a house last month and moved in together 3 weeks ago. At first I was super hesitant and wanted the novelty of moving in together after the wedding. But I felt it was pointless to pay rent while Fiance pays a mortgage AND we’re paying for our own wedding. My Dad is a Pastor so he wasnt happy AT ALL about my decision, for he didnt like the idea of us “messing around” before the wedding day. I thought that was so funny b/c he looks at me like his little angel…but he has no idea, lmaoo!

    Either way I dont think anyone is ridiculous or not for moving in together before marriage. It is a personal choice! My friends often ask me would I have moved in with Fiance if we were not engaged and my answer is always no, because if I had to walk away I would rather not have to involve moving out, breaking a lease, splitting funds in the mix. But with our wedding so close now I have no doubt in my mind that I made the right decision and I honestly couldn’t see any habits or behavior that Fiance could have that would make me want to leave! I love him 🙂

    Post # 123
    Member
    26 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    we live together now for about 6 months i think it helps u get just a lil bit closer to ur partner plus we plan to stop having sex 6 months before the weddign to hold on to some type of supense lol

    Post # 124
    Member
    28 posts
    Newbee

    We’re living together because theres no point paying two lots of rent…

    Post # 126
    Member
    106 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    My fiance and I lived together 8 months before even getting engaged – it was very important to me to make sure that we still got along living together.  Spending the night all the time is very different than actually living together!

    Post # 127
    Member
    1468 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: April 2012

    it made more sence for us to move in before the wedding since I bought a condo and he would be over all the time anyway, made sence for him to split the cost with me 🙂  We lived together 6months before getting engaged, but I already knew that was coming, he was just saving up for a ring, If I had been unsure about us getting married I would not have had him move in.    I dont care either way I dont know why you cant live together before as long as you are sure you are getting married!

    Post # 128
    Member
    1847 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    One of the biggest perks of living together with my fiance is that I would have never imagined that I could ever have such a cohesive living situation with any other human being. Literally, just wouldn’t have thought it was possible. He has unquestioningly embraced everything about me at all times, even when I can barely stand some of my own stupid habits any more. There is literally nothing to fight or agonize about, and I have never felt more at home. It’s probably one of the strongest reasons why I never question whether he’s the right person for me. I wouldn’t have traded that sort of confirmation for any romantic tradition. 

    Post # 129
    Member
    1789 posts
    Buzzing bee

    My SO and I live together now, and Im glad he asked me to love with him. I think its a good idea before marriage. For one, you may not realize all of the little quirks people have when they are at home, like the OCD in my kitchen Ihave where EVERYTHING has to be right, and my SO leaving his hockey gear on the porch after a game to air out all night-EW- before puttig it away; you cant wash every single peice of that. Eevry one has a tic or a quirk, and knowing that before marriage can save you a few fights. And the other reason Im happy we live together already is the bills and chores set out. The house is in his name, so he has the mortage, and I have this bill, and he has that one, etc. Its pretty much split down the middle. Same with the groceries and toiletries.

    Its nice knowing how everything will fan out in the long run now so I dont pull my hair out later. LOL

    Post # 130
    Member
    38 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: December 2013

    I am so glad we lived together before getting engaged, because we had a really hard time adjusting to living together at first and I did contemplate breaking up with him. We’re really happy now, but I am relieved to know that I stayed because I wanted to, not because I felt like I had to because we’d taken vows. To me, that is far more important than the novelty of married life being something new and different. My parents and one set of grandparents are divorced… and definitely say that they wish they had lived together with their partner before marrying/getting engaged, and may still be together if they had.

    Post # 131
    Member
    486 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    I think it is great to live with someone before you get married. I look at it like kind of a trail run. I don’t know if I could marry someone without living with them first. Fiance and I were only together for less than a year before we moved in together…in a different state. At first we loved it, we had both been living at home. Then, we hated it because we felt like we had to personal space. Now, its been 3 years, and I couldn’t imagine not living with him! 

    Post # 132
    Member
    569 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    I don’t know any couples who haven’t lived together first. When we met, he was 33 and I was 27, we were both sick of living with friends/housemates. We’ve been living together for 3 years now and have already ironed out a lot of things that might have marred our early marriage. We ‘get’ each other. Not only that, but we’ve done the whole in sickness and health thing already and basically I think we’re a lot more settled and secure and have a great foundation on which to build a marriage.

    Post # 133
    Member
    224 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    I voted other because the first time it was interesting. We were both young and lived with our parents so it did allow us to get to know each other better and I was very naieve about his house habits. With my current Fiance it really didn’t matter. We both had our own places so we were spending enough time together to get a feel for how we both kept our respective spaces and knew what to expect. Nothing changed and there were no surprises except now he doesn’t leave, lol. 

    To sum it up I think it depends on age/circumstances. 

    Post # 134
    Member
    894 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: November 2011

    I voted that “it doesn’t matter”, but, I actually think living together/not living together CAN matter, depending on the couple.

     

    For me and my Fiance, it didn’t matter.  I already owned my own place when he and I met, and he already had a year’s lease, which he renewed only 6 months into us dating (I NEVER would live with a guy afteronly 6 months of dating).  So we were both set living apart until the engagement, and after our engagement we planned to continue living apart until the wedding.

    There are two other reasons for living apart—one, both of our families are on the conservative side, and two….I really, really loved my single life and wanted to mourn it properly.  What I mean is that I am a very independent girl.  I’ve spent my whole adult life doing what I want to do–traveling solo, cultivating my friendships, dating around, “find myself” hehe, fall in and out of love, eating weird things, decorating the house any way I want, etc.  I LOVED my single 20’s and really planned to cherish my last few months as a totally independent woman (I say this, because I’ve been learning that a good relationship means you aren’t totally independent any more, you have to learn to put the other person first, at least 50% of the time).  

    On the other hand, Fiance and I spent enough time at each other’s houses (both days and nights) that I already knew his quirky habits and he knew mine.

    But then he got a suprise awesome job offer halfway across the country and we decided we should do this kind of thing now while we don’t have kids, so 4 months before the wedding we both quit our old jobs, moved cross country, found new jobs, have been through stressfull moving times together (subleases falling through, moving 2 weekends in a row, Uhaul nightmares, etc), we ARE living together now (2 months now) and it’s been totally smooth sailing for us.  We have had 0 fights about little things like cleaning and no suprises from living together.  

    So, for us….living apart until marriage would have been pretty much exactly the same—smooth sailing I think.

    I guess one of the main reasons I encourage my girlfriends to live apart until at least they are engaged with a date (and practiced this rule myself), is because I’ve had too many girlfriends who had live-in boyfriends who weren’t really happy but kept living together (and many even eventually got married…and now there is the first wave of divorces) just because they’d already put so much “effort” in and their finances were already intermingled, so they just went through with it and hoped their problems would magically resolve after marriage.  Then they were suprised when they didn’t.  I think this is why more marriages end if divorce if a couple lived together before the marriage—because there IS a percentage that end up getting hitched just because they feel like they should.

    Also, my thoughts are undeniably colored by what I experienced in my own life (dating a guy for a loooong time who I prolly would have married if we lived together just because we were together so long and it was expected, thankfully we didn’t and I ended up with my Fiance instead) and whatI read on these boards sometimes (girls “waiting” for months and years while the guy is in no hurry because what guy is going to get excited about shelling out a ton of money for a 1 day party when he already has they girl living at home, paying half the rent and picking up his socks?).

    Sorry I wrote a book.  I tend to do that.

    Post # 135
    Member
    4650 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    I don’t believe in sins and I love falling asleep and waking up next to SO. Easy decision. We’ve lived together for about a year and a half and it’s wonderful. I don’t think it takes anything special away, and if I waited, I think I’d wonder what on Earth I waited for to be so comfortable and happy!

    Post # 136
    Member
    233 posts
    Helper bee

    I have lived with multiple ex boyfriends, so when it came time for a relationship with my now Fiance, I made it clear that I would NOT be willing to move in together until we were engaged.  I felt like this gave us space to get to know each other and not rush into things (which I felt like I did with ex’s by moving in together). We spent the night with each other several nights a week.  

    We are moving in together at the beginning of Septmeber (just before our engagement party).  EXCITING! I can’t wait! 

    The topic ‘Livng together before the wedding’ is closed to new replies.

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