Post # 1
I’m looking for some advice on locations! I’ll try to be as clear as possible.
-I’m from a small rural midwestern town. Almost 5 years ago I moved to a huge midwestern city about 6 hours away.
-My whole family is back in the small town area. My family is huge and happy and I love them very much.
-My fiancé is from here and his family is here. They don’t really get along, he doesn’t talk to them much, and the family is very small.
My mom is encouraging me to get married back home. It’ll be cheaper, and easier on my extended family. None of them really have a lot of money and traveling would be hard.
In my dreams, though, I want to get married in my city. Our whole relationship has been here, and all of our meaningful spots are here. I’m just afraid my family won’t be able to come. On the other hand, there are a lot of things that worry me about doing it in the small town- since I’m far away, my mom would probably be the primary point of contact with the vendors, and as much as I love her I do NOT want that. We have very different taste and she has a tendency to not listen and do the “Mom knows best” thing. And we’d probably stay with my parents in my old childhood bedroom in the days leading up to the wedding, which is not ideal. And just in general, the whole thing happening 6 hours from my home stresses me out.
The other issue is cost. We’re trying to do this on a tiny budget (10k) and everything in the city is so expensive. A wedding in the small town would be so much cheaper.
So to sum up, I have no idea where to get married and how to make it work either way! My fiancé wants it to be in our city, but he understands the family thing and of course the cost. I’d really appreciate any advice! I think I need some outside perspectives. Thank you!
Post # 2
wildflowere42 : I get that you have sentimental ties to your city, but honestly on your wedding day you aren’t going to go around visiting all those spots. It also sounds like most of your guests would have to travel, and your budget wouldn’t go as far. I’d do an engagement session in your city going to all the spots that are meaningful to you, and have your wedding in your hometown. That way your family isn’t having to travel and you can have more of the wedding you want within your budget.
Post # 3
That’s a tough decision! It seems like there is no easy answer.
When we were deciding where to have our wedding, I first thought it should be in my hometown (about 5 hours away). Then, the idea of figuring out all the details long-distance stressed me out. I decided to have it in my current city. It’s more difficult for family to make it, but there was no way I could please everyone and come to a perfect decision. Because of that, I did what was easiest for me, and it’s worked out.
I think that it’s ok to prioritize what will be least stressful for you. For me, that was having the wedding in our city, and letting my family members work out the details for how they would travel.
Post # 4
starfish0116 : I meant venue-wise! For example we could get married in our college’s chapel. There’s no venue in the small town that really means much to both of us.
Post # 5
snowyday : I think this is what I’m leaning towards. I want to choose the one that’s best for us. If the cost wasn’t an issue, it would be a much easier choice! I just hope that at least most of my family can figure it out. I feel guilty about it.
Post # 6
There’s no easy answer. We decided our location based on cost & availability. We ended up choosing a location several hours outside of the city where we lived because they were available when we wanted to get married, and because it was going to be much more affordable for us.
My only advice is that you & your fiance (note that I am not including anyone else here! :0) ) choose the location together, based on your budget and your vision of the event. Wherever you choose, it will be more inconvenient for some folks, easier for others. That’s just the nature of hosting a wedding — it can only be in one place.
Post # 7
I originally wanted the wedding in my hometown which is a five hour flight from me so more of my family could make it. However, it was such a PITA to find venues – I was relying on my aunt to go look and take pictures for me. It was too much work, and I knew I couldn’t afford a bunch of trips out there. We’re having it where we live and if people are annoyed, they’re certainly not letting me know. Some people can’t come, but I understood that would happen when we decided to move it. Others have turned it into a vacation. You can’t please everyone, so might as well please yourself.
Post # 8
wildflowere42 : One thing I can tell you, as both a married bee and a wedding photographer, is that these things seem SO important right now during the planning process – but later on down the road you’ll look back and wonder why you stressed about it so much. 😉
The best piece of advice I can give is to write out the pros and cons and see which one wins. Decide what is more important to you….a sentimental venue or less financial stress and easier for your family. The biggest stress I find my clients have is money, because they quickly realize how stressful it can be to plan and not be able to get the things they want due to budget. Everyone has a different priority though. It was important to me when planning that I didn’t feel like I was have to scale back or sacrifice on things that would be most comfortable for my guests (venue, food, alcohol, etc), while some of my friends were willing to cut back on those things because they wanted over the top flowers or a more expensive dress.
If I was in your situation and I knew my money would go farther in my hometown and it was easier on my guests, I’d go that route. Memories are what you make of it, so while a venue that is sentimental to you sounds awesome – whatever venue you pick will be come sentimental because it will be your wedding venue!
Post # 9
I feel for you! While I can’t offer an obvious solution, I do think it’s a good idea to seriously consider your budget by thoroughly researching costs perhaps with the help of a friend who has already done it in your city. I’m getting married in a pricy region as well, and while I knew that it’d be much more expensive going into it, I still underestimated the costs by quite a lot. There is a major difference between the anticipation of things costing twice as much and the reality of it costing three or four times as much. Those little differences/city markups can really add up, plus I feel like there are more hidden costs in the pricier regions, maybe because they can get away with it. It’d be one thing if getting married in a pricier region equated to a nicer wedding, but I don’t think that’s necessarily true. The cost of living (and by extension, the cost of marrying!) is just higher in some places. Plus I think the wedding industry is sort of a racket! And now I’m just venting…
If you have more wiggle room with your budget, I’m of the mind that you should do what you want, but if your budget is really tight, you’ll want to take extra precautions to make sure your vision can be realistically executed in your city.
Post # 10
Make a list of what is important and prioritize it. Is it more important for your family to present or more important to be married in your college chapel? Is it more important to be closer to your vendors now in the planning phase or more important to make your dollar go further? What are the costs of the things most important to you and can you realistically do that in each location?
A couple things to keep in mind:
You’ll likely have to cut your guest list dramatically on that budget in your current city or may not be able to serve a full meal (i.e. do cake and punch reception, which your family will be traveling 6 hours to attend).
While being six hours away from vendors is daunting, people plan destination weddings or weddings clear across the country all the time. We’re in the age of cell phones functioning as full-on computers and free wi-fi where nearly every vendor has a website, email, fax and has nearly all of their information a few keystrokes away. Do you shop on the internet? Most of the businesses you are doing business with are probably more than 6 hours away. It’s not like you need your mom to scour the yellow pages and find and contact vendors for you because you have no other way of getting the information. This really isn’t that big of a hurdle.