Post # 1
So as many of you read last night on my previous thread, I had a weak moment and reached out to my ex-BFF via e-mail to try to rekindle the relationship. Even though I deeply missed her and our friendship, something inside me kept saying No, do NOT contact her. Leave well enough alone. Thinking that this was just nerves about being in contact with her, I ignored my gut feeling.
I put a lot of time and thought into my e-mail, and I felt that it was very kind. I even apologized for anything I may have said or done to hurt her. A few hours later I checked my e-mail to find an icy, sarcastic, snarky reply. For example, I began the e-mail to her by saying that contacting her felt therapeutic to me, as our falling out has been weighing heavily on my mind and I missed our friendship. The very first line in her reply was “So, how’s that therapy going for ya?”
I really can not believe I put myself out there again (against my better judgement) and was not only shot down but kind of attacked as well. As she had done 2 years prior during our huge falling out, she again attacked me with snark and sarcasm. Not only that, but both times she appeared to enjoy watching me in pain from her comments. Why are women like this? We should be supporting each other and helping each other….not tearing each other down. Isn’t life hard enough without the added “mean girl” attacks from other women?
Have any of you other bees had a similar situation where you tried to reach out to an estranged friend and were shot down?
Post # 3
So sorry to hear how nastily she reacted… 🙁 Breakups suck, whether it’s a romatic relationship or a friendship.
Reminds me of a quote…
“God sometimes removes a person from your life for your protection. Don’t run after them.” – Rick Warren
(Even if you don’t beleive in God, replace “God” with “Fate”, “The Universe”, or something else you do beleive in.)
Post # 4
@abbyful: Wow, what a great quote. Thanks so much for that! Definitely helps me to gain a new perspective on this situation!
Post # 5
@Legallyblondiebride: I’m really sorry that she was such a witch to you! It really adds insult to injury, when you try to be nice and she acts completely horrible back. With people like that, all you can really do is be thankful they’re not there to inflict pain in your life on a daily basis and cut your losses. I know that really sucks. :-/
Knowing myself, I wouldn’t be able to let her have the last word. I’d probably write a response that was short and to the tune of, “I don’t know what you think gives you the right to say things like that to somebody else, but I’m sorry you feel that way. I hope that someday you are able to get past whatever it is that made you be so nasty towards me.”
I’m not saying you should…but I can’t always stop myself.
I had an old college roommate kind of go off the deep end when she was dating a guy, and it made her distance herself from both me and our other close friend/roommate. We tried really hard to help her and be there for her (the guy was a real jerk), but she never seemed too interested and started avoiding us a lot.
When our lease ended, she stopped all contact with us completely. We were all really good friends before, and so it hurt that she allowed that asshole to drive a wedge in between us. I’d never done anything but try and be there.
A few years later, I ran into her and tried to rekindle things, and she explained what had happened with the guy and apologized for her behavior, but she wasn’t interested in being friends again. (There’s more to it, but that’s a long story.) That hurt a lot, but it taught me that sometimes you have to find out the hard way who your true friends are.
Post # 6
@miz fizzix: I totally thought about replying. I even started typing and then thought the better of it. She is the type of person who ALWAYS has to have the last word. When we went through our falling out she sent me a final nasty message on Facebook and then actually blocked me so I could not reply. I sent an e-mail to her saying that I had no problem meeting up with her and discussing everything face to face. She never replied. I found out through mutual acquaintances that she posted nasty stuff about me on her Facebook and told everyone that she “told me off” and that she “ended the friendship.”
I figure I will let her have the last word this time. I don’t need to keep going back and forth with her. It’s not worth my time or energy. Let her laugh about it and feel superior. I know who she really is and that is all that matters to me. I just thought that maybe in the 2 years that we haven’t spoken she would have grown up a little like I have. Apparently I was wrong. I guess leopards can’t change their spots afterall…..
Post # 7
Kudos to you for trying to reach out to her again. It’s really unfortunate that she replied in such a manner, but now this proves 100% why you’re not friends with her anymore. That’s what I would keep telling myself after I got snarky, rude comments from girls. There’s absolutely no need for it, but us girls are terrible to others. Seriously. Sorry you had to deal with this, though. Stay positive with your loved ones that are positive as well!!
Post # 8
@abbyful: That’s a great quote, and SO TRUE!
Post # 9
Wow, that is very unfortunate. My Mom has always said to me that you can’t reason with an unreasonable person and that seems to be true with your friend. You were willing to put yourself out there and forget the past, but she responded with an immature snark. Even if she didn’t want to be friends with you still, she could have at least thanked you for reaching out. I don’t know what happened to your friendship and why you had to break up, but I don’t think there’s any circumstance that two people can’t move past after some time has gone by.
I was on the other end of your situation in HS, my best friend and I didn’t have a falling out but she kind of ditched me for another group of friends who were more popular and prettier than me. She got involved in some really bad stuff – sleeping around, doing drugs, failing classes. Finally one day those friends ditched her and she came back to me and apologized. I took her back no questions asked and forgave her right away. I don’t see the point of holding a grudge when clearly someone realizes what they did wrong and wants to make things right.
Post # 10
🙁 I’m sorry. And I agree with that quote! Some people are just better off out of your life. Keep on going and realize there will be a time when the pain and hurt seems like a distant memory to you, because it will be someday 🙂 Best of luck in finding fantastic friends to replace the bad ones!
Post # 11
That quote is amazing!
I’m sorry she reacted like this. Some people are just bitter and hateful and enjoy making others feel bad. If she is bitchy and immature enough not to have put hard feelings aside after 2 years, then you don’t want her in your life anyway.
Post # 12
Well, you were the bigger person and tried to reach out, she reacted badly, so I think it is safe to say that your life is going on without her for a reason.
Don’t let it get you down. Delete the email and move onto the happy things in life. She can go through being miserable and nasty, you don’t need it. 🙂
ETA: I read the other thread after seeing this one. I saw the part at the end where you said you won’t ever be anyone’s “Best Friend”. I’ve had struggles with female friendships my entire life, too, and I feel that way often. My mom used to wonder why I had such trouble – but I think I sometimes pick the wrong people and put myself in situations that cause falling-outs. You never know, one day in the future you might meet that very best friend! I know what you mean, though, it can be hard to not have that one friend to call, and it always seems that everyone else does.
Post # 13
@Legallyblondiebride: I had a completely similar situation. I was friends with this girl for a VERY long time. We had a falling out for a few years. I had always missed her, and since the falling out was over a guy (we were fairly young then), I thought it was a stupid reason to ruin a friendship. I sent her an email, and she basically cursed me off. I was so taken aback that I immediately responded….which made her send me another even nastier email. This went back and forth, and every time she cut me down more and more. You’re better off without this person in your life. Better to have no friend that a hurtful, bad one, if you ask me.
Post # 14
@morkiemama: Amen to that! 🙂
Post # 15
ugh, like I said in the original LGC thread – you’re better off without her and these details prove it!
I had a falling out with my former BFF during wedding planning actually. I was her Maid/Matron of Honor (her only Bridesmaid or Best Man because her other dropped out) and she assumed that she had dibs on being my Maid/Matron of Honor and actually called me the night I got engaged not to congratulate me, but to claim it. I never asked her, she TOLD me she was my Maid/Matron of Honor. Long story long, she would blow me off everytime I reached out to her to talk or hang out even before I got engaged. She never came to my birthdays or my graduation when I always did for her, it was a total one-sided friendship. After I got engaged, we had plans to meet up and she stood me up. After driving an hour to go see her, I had dinner alone while she watched TV with her Brother-In-Law. Guess she forgot to tell me? No apology as usual.
After 8 months of her ignoring me I finally got her on the phone and she started asking me about the wedding. And by asking I mean saying “I’m going to have to drag my husband there so don’t make it far away – we’re totally getting drunk” and “You’re not having one of those super Catholic weddings that are like 3 hours long, are you?”, and exasperatedly asking what “wedding shit” I had left. That’s when I broke the obvious to her that after 8 months of her ignoring me, I had chosen my cousin as Maid/Matron of Honor and picked a bridal party that didn’t include her. I mean, if you can’t make the effort to even say hi to me in 8 month’s time and then belittle my choices after years of me supporting you like hell through thick and thin, then yeah, I’m going to go ahead and assume that you’re not interested in being in my bridal party.
So I ended up with an awesome bridal party and still sent ex-BFF an invitation, to see if she really cared or was still as self-centered as always. Guess which one she was, y’all?? I had reached out to her a few months after the blow up and things seemed amicable. She never RSVP’d so I got up the nerve to nicely text her (“Hey girl! Never got your RSVP – hope you got the invite! Are you and Darling Husband coming?”) but she played the pity party card, said no, and refused to own up to the shitty way she’d treated me which lit me up! I know it’s long and bitchy but damn it felt good to respond to her with this:
“Good to know. You ignored my requests to see or even talk to you for 8 MONTHS and then reappeared ready to deal with my “wedding shit” and were happy to come “get wasted” so long as the wedding wasn’t “too far away” but you’d have to “drag Darling Husband there”. I’m sorry that I got the impression you don’t give a shit about me? Kind of like when you punked out on my graduation and birthday? Honestly I had no reason to expect this to be any different. Good luck, I really do wish you the best, I just hoped this time would be different.”
So I’m sure I seem like the mean girl in this scenario, but it was a long time coming and I just could not take her walking all over me and calling the shots anymore. After a good long cry about it with my mom, who knew the way she treated me all these years, I can finally say good riddance.
Post # 16
Seriously great job for sucking it up and writing her! I doont think i would have really stepped up nd did what you did. I just responded on ur other post but then I saw this, but ugh, some people are just not worth it!!! just let her go, and if she still values what you had in the past, shell be the one contacting you..