(Closed) Long break between ceremony and reception…thoughts?

posted 6 years ago in Logistics
Post # 91
Member
1056 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

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jkm13:  Agreed!

Post # 92
Member
2317 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

Personally, I absolutely hate gaps and I think it’s pretty rude on the guests to leave them with nothing to do for long periods of time. 

Pictures only need to take an hour or an hour and a half max and you should be able to provide drinks and nibbles for that time.

Gaps kill the fun of a wedding and these weddings often die out straight after dinner.

I went to a wedding with a four hour gap once, we went to the movies in our fancy attire and by the time the reception rolled round we were so over it. Worst wedding ever.

Post # 93
Member
2065 posts
Buzzing bee

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jkm13:  Wow, aren’t you nice.

No, I will not set aside one full day for a wedding.  And no couple should ask that of anyone.

And I am not telling anyone that they are rude, crappy or selfish.  I am saying their actions and decisions are those things.  Two different things.  I am calling no one names.  In fact I feel like I have expressed my views in a very clear, calm, and adult manner.

And I am not telling anyone to ignore their religion.  I swear I think you all are hearing what you want to hear, rather then what I am actually saying.  If having a Catholic wedding is important to you then that should be your priority and everything else needs to be planned around that, which means most likely having an earlier reception.  If an evening reception is your top priority then don’t get married in a church.  You need to decide what is most important to you and plan from there.  As adults you have to make hard choices, such is life.

And yes I do believe OP only wants validation.  That happens a lot on these forums.  People just want to be told that their plans are okay rather then hearing the opposite, and then when they don’t hear what they want they get defensive.  Hence why you and so many others are up in arms that someone would say that a gap is rude.  You don’t want to hear it, or accept that what you are doing is not polite to your guests.

What OP needs to do, which I have said all along is host her guests for her entire event.  That does not mean saying “Oh hey there is a festival going on so go have some fun.” It means really and truly hosting them.  Stop with the excuses or trying to make this into a more positive thing then it is.  Gaps suck.  People get bored.  So if she has a room blocked off at one hotel then host a 2 hour cocktail hour there and then once the reception start go straight into dinner.  But guests should not be left to fend for themselves.  You are inviting them to an event, and you need to host them the entire time.

And yes, I am receiving an invite and I can choose to attend.  But as the people throwing the party wouldn’t you want to plan an event people will not be annoyed at?  So many brides on here think that paying for dinner and some booze is doing some amazing favor to their guests.  When in fact they should be gracious and happy that there are people out there that want to celebrate them and be happy to shell out that money to host them properly.  If spending so much money is such an imposition that you think guests should just be honored to be invited, then maybe you should rethink why you are having this wedding in the first place.

In the end though people will do what they want.  There are no wedding police.  But if you come on these forums and ask a question be prepared for answers you do not like.  I will never agree with you about gaps so you can keep writing all the novels you want, but all I will hear are excuse, excuses, excuses.  And with that said I won’t be responding to you anymore.

Post # 94
Member
1410 posts
Bumble bee

Every wedding I’ve been to has been Catholic, yet I’ve never encountered a gap! 

I’m having a Catholic wedding, and like most I’ve been to, the ceremony starts at 4pm (been to some that start at 5pm) after mass/recieving line- time to start cocktail hour!

Those that couldn’t have later weddings- 1/2pm cermemony- had cake & punch/light apps as it wasn’t meal time. One had a longer reception and did offer dinner after cake/punch/dancing etc. 

Catholic does not mean there must be a gap, or that it’s ok to have a gap. 

There can be downtime between ceremony and reception but it must be hosted! Hosted means- a place to sit/food and drinks. It does not mean ‘check out the festival’ or ‘go to the bar on your dime’. 

Post # 95
Member
616 posts
Busy bee

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knickergold:  I have 96 cousins and I’ve been to a ton of their Catholic weddings over the years, and none of them have started later than 2:00 on a Saturday.  Currently our parish has two options for Saturday weddings: 1:00 or 1:30.  Obviously just a regional difference/difference in diocese, but I wanted to point it out that some Catholic brides do not have a later option.

Post # 96
Member
2111 posts
Buzzing bee

Just to confirm, the gap is 2 hours?

I think 2 hours is the maximum gap acceptable. They can stop somewhere on the way to the reception venue and get a drink.

The longest gap i’ve had is 6 hours. Yes, i’ll say it again… SIX HOURS!!!!! So annoying.

 

Post # 97
Member
6798 posts
Busy Beekeeper

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freckles071611:  I’m sad that you can’t take a joke …. I was being facetious about the bad weather.  I guess typing misinterpretation strikes us all now and then.

Regarding the rest, it was NOT a dinner time at all, particularly since the rain resulted in postponing even later.  I would never expect anyone to attend a ceremony after dinner hours without eating, it would be bizarre.  People ate a dinner before arriving (during our gap!).  They were absolutely hosted to the best of our abilities and I doubt you could find even one who felt otherwise.

Obviously this is your way or the highway, I won’t be back to argue it as it’s simply hogging up the OPs thread.  As often occurs with etiquette, culture and family interpretations often make one person’s wrong another’s right.  In this case I think whether a gap is appropriate is very culturally defined and therefore not a rude/polite thing at all (kinda like the highly argued money dance that I am personally against but understand some cultures find 100% appropriate and expected).

Post # 98
Member
102 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

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jkm13:  if you invite me to your wedding, I promise I won’t complain about the gap, because it sounds like an amazing day!!!

In all seriousness, I agree 1000%. Everyone should have the day that works best for them, and at the end of the day as long as you loved it, it doesn’t matter if someone else got mad about the gap, the food, the decor, or the million other things they might not find perfectly to their wants and tastes. After all, we know what opinions are like.

ALSO: For anyone who is so stricken by a gap in the day that it would totally make for such a negative and horrid experience, here’s an idea – Don’t go. And the the other 100+ people who are having a great time won’t have to hear you complaining for a couple hours. They can get a drink at the bar or take a nap or watch TV or go out to eat or literally anything else in the world instead and continue to enjoy their day.

Also also, throwing it out there- I like a gap. Why? Because the bride and groom can take pictures and join us at cocktail hour, which is AWESOME, because I’m there for them after all. I can take my time getting to the venue. I can change my dress or my shoes if I find they’re uncomfortable. I can go get a coffee and a scone and sit with my Fiance without running around. I can go to the hotel room and take a nap if I need to. Who cares? I can still get something done with my day. I know not everyone actually likes and enjoys a gap, and that is totally fine, but I for one actually do. Instead of being scandalized, just roll with it. I promise it makes life a lot easier and more enjoyable.

Post # 99
Member
2170 posts
Buzzing bee

I’d be annoyed but I would figure something out. Its not common in my circle though. 

Post # 100
Member
3422 posts
Sugar bee

I come from a country where Catholics are a majority, and I’ve been a guest at plenty of weddings.  What is described in this thread is truly foreign to me; I’ve never been to a wedding with a gap.  If such a thing came up here, it would be really bothersome to guests, when you take into consideration weddings are usually formal affairs, and guests dress to the nines.  I can’t envision myself going back to my home and then going to the reception, or wandering around!  I wonder if a petition could be made to parishes, encouraging them to have more ” wedding friendly” hours…

Post # 101
Member
213 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

I don’t think two hours is so bad. I’ve attended a few weddings that had longer gaps. The problem was that a lot of people didn’t show for the church ceremony which i think is awful because that’s the moment the entire day is about …the reception is just the celebration of it. I don’t know if it was due to the large gap or because the ceremonies were pretty early, but just a warning that this may happen. Most people were home or at the salon getting ready for the reception while the ceremony was going on…horrible I know.

Post # 102
Member
368 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

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newenglandinmay:  LOL as long as you don’t complain about my gap and call my wedding “crappy” then you’re invited!! :p 

i have to say, I also like a gap. Every wedding I’ve been to (40+) the woman don’t wear the same outfit for both the church and the reception. we wear long gowns and high heels to receptions and I don’t want to stand in church for an hour in that. I’ll dress nice (but not a gown) to church, go home, change, get my make up done (cause if I have it done before the church it won’t last till late night) grab a snack and by then it’s time to rush over to cocktail hour. I actually wouldn’t like no-gap. 

As for those saying that the consequence is not all guests will attend the Church. you are 100% Right. Usually the closer ones do. out of my 545 guests, I’m sure only maybe 300 will attend the church and I’m perfectly happy with that. If my second cousin who I see once a year isn’t there sitting in the church pew but is having a drink with me at the bar later on, I’m still extremely happy he/she made it to share the day with me. 

Post # 103
Member
515 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

I guess it kind of depends, our “gap” will be short because there really isn’t anything to do except for eat some cocktail food and socialize. I just recently went to a Catholic wedding which started at 1:30pm and went until about 2:30pm and the dinner wasn’t until 6:30pm. However, their venue was a community centre with a huge field so there was plenty of lawn games to play, there was unlimited snacks and drinks and it was a beautiful day, near the end the time was going slow but at least they had some sort of entertainment. 

Post # 104
Member
1316 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

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reee:  We attended a wedding last week where there was no designated break, but the drive to the reception venue could have been 30-45 for some people. So meal orders weren’t taken until about an hour after the ceremony to account for that. Unfortunately for us, it only took us 15 minutes to get there and there were no real appetizers. Then the food took about an hour to come out. Definitely not ideal! But the break would have been totally fine with more activities or food!

Post # 105
Member
133 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

I am planning my wedding for next summer. We live in Edmonton, Canada and there are a lot of festivals in the summer. My FH’s family is from Ontario, so in our invitation packages, I’m planning on including a “things to do in Edmonton” that are close to our venues so that they have some info on things to see and do in the time between the ceremony and reception. 

As a guest at other people’s weddings, friends and I used that time to grab a drink together to have or own mini-celebration for our friend and to just hang or together. 

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