(Closed) LONG: Bridesmaid regret – And she's my FSIL!

posted 7 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 46
Member
247 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

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UKbee:  I do believe one needs a thick skin if one posts private matters on public forums – I did learn it hard way on another forum, people can really be so nasty. Luckily for me I have not met with such attitute from fellow bees.

 

But I kind of truely believe the OP made a mistake?

I mean – surely she knew that Future Sister-In-Law will share with Future Mother-In-Law the wedding plans and if it is not desirable why ask her to be a BM?

Surely the OP was not going to pay FSIL’s dress, makeup, etc since Future Mother-In-Law was going to pay? Why then Future Mother-In-Law paying became such a problem now and not before she asked her?

Now it sounds OP wants to hear ppl justifying the unfair dismissal, so she can feel better?

I mean the Future Sister-In-Law might be a type of person who does not care for such things, and will not mind being dismissed. Maybe even Future Mother-In-Law will not cause major drama. If this case, sure, ask her to stand down…. OP must know what sort of people they are?

We are just guessing that an average Bridesmaid or Best Man would be upset to be asked to step down with a year to go… HOW upselt and for how long and what other family gets involved… that we cant know.

 

Let us hope OP’s Future Sister-In-Law the type that does not mind.

Post # 47
Member
524 posts
Busy bee

Just leave the poor girl alone: maybe she is also feeing pressure to be in your bridal party and is doing it purely out of family duty. If you are looking for moral support with your wedding, you’ve already figured out, she is not the one. So communicate essential information and leave it at that. Noone says you have to best friends with your SIL and sometimes having less interactions keeps the peace in the family.

Post # 48
Member
692 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2015 - Family Farm

 

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MKWeddingBee:  Honestly you sound pushy. Why does she have to be your friend? Why does it matter? You sound very highschool.

YOU don’t text but once a month or so but SHE is supposed to just immediatly respond?

You are coming off needy and rather childish in my view.

I don’t hear from my ACTUAL BLOOD sisters but once a week and we live in the same city. They don’t always text me back immediately or at all sometimes.

My opion is you need to woman up and let it go. You seem to be looking for a reason to be annoyed.

 

Post # 49
Member
2041 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

You said you have very limited expectations of the girls and don’t expect parties, just to show up and wear the dress. So wtf are you so concerned about a year out that she isn’t asking you about the wedding or being involved? She is literally doing what you claim you expect.

Post # 50
Member
1786 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

I’ve noticed on a lot of boards some bee’s can be pretty vicious. In the end, this is your big day. I’m going through a similar situation with someone I wanted as a Maid/Matron of Honor but she has been incredibly distant and uninterested in anything I have to say. I know how absolutely irritating and annoying it is to send someone a message and they give you excuses constantly for why they don’t respond. If I send my friend a message on FB, I can tell she’s seen the message, but she goes from being online to offline minutes later. It happens often. Same with text messages since we both have iPhones and I can tell when she reads my messages yet she doesn’t respond. I had asked her at one point if maybe she felt it would be best if we simply weren’t even bridesmaids for each other since she seems too busy to even be friends. This was a bit of a wake up call to her and we’ve been slowly getting closer again. I had major Bridesmaid or Best Man regret though choosing my girls a year in advance. Especially since I’ve been growing closer to my FI’s cousins and wish I had asked them instead since they are much more excited and eager to be involved.<br />Don’t let the other bee’s get to you. If you don’t want her as a Bridesmaid or Best Man, don’t have her as one. It’s early enough on that I’m sure you haven’t ordered dresses or made anything finalized yet. Just be honest with her about how you’re feeling and that you would maybe still like her to be involved with the wedding, but maybe in some other way instead… Like a personal attendent, usher, card/gift runner, something. Or not at all, it’s up to you.

Post # 51
Member
692 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2015 - Family Farm

 

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sara_tiara:  I agree. What is there to complain about? She is doing exactly what is expected. I also keep reading OP saying that she had hope the Future Sister-In-Law would have her life more together. I really can’t see how that is anyones business. Everyone moves at their own pace.

Post # 52
Member
1057 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

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julies1949:  Exactly this.

I understand you had expectations of being besties once you and her brother got engaged/got married, but you can’t force friendship, you have to let it happen organically.<br /> 

Post # 53
Member
323 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: Royal Park Hotel

OP – I’m sorry you’re hurt and I can see where you’re coming from in a way but really – you have to leave her alone.

You stated in your OP that one of your expectations was that they would “keep in touch” it’s almost as if you’re trying to shop for a new friend.  Let the relationship grow on its own.  This just comes off as really controlling on your end and it’s just going to push her away from you even more.  So she isn’t that into you right now – you already asked her to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man and it doesn’t sound like she’s doing anything that’s out of line.  Asking her to step down will just make you look bad but to be honest – if you’re going to be resentful of her it will show and really damage any potential the two of you might have for a real friendship/relationship.  

Post # 54
Member
182 posts
Blushing bee

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MKWeddingBee:  Just because some ppl disagree does NOT mean the support is not there. It simply mean they do not agree. I they did not support you no one would even bother to post a semi-decent response. Ultimately the decision about what you’re going to do is YOURS but definitely reconsider being defensive about the fact that people do not see things the way you do about this situation. You asked for opinions not agreement. At the end of the day this is your wedding and you need to be comfortable and if replacing her as a bridesmaid is what’s best….this is YOUR day!

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