(Closed) (Long but I really need help!) Problems with FBIL

posted 5 years ago in Family
Post # 3
9551 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

First, your fiance needs to quit telling you if his brother is saying that he doesn’t approve of you. I’m not supporting lying or anything like that, but no good comes from repeating these things.

Second your fiance needs to draw a line in the sand. He has made his choice. He chooses you. Your brother needs to get on board or keep his mouth shut. Period.

Third, as far as having him as a groomsman/best man, I think you’re doing the right thing. Honestly, I get the whole thing that bros are typically groomsemen/best men, but supporting a relationship is the number one priority for an attendant (in my book) and he clearly does not fit that criteria. If he asks you or his fiance why he’s an usher be honest. He has clearly stated that he doesn’t support the wedding and you wouldn’t want to put him in a situation where he would have to stand up for a relationship he doesn’t believe in. If the rest of the family asks keep it very simple and direct. “He hasn’t been supportive of the wedding so it wouldn’t be right to ask him to stand at your fiance’s side.” Period. End of discussion. It gives them enough information that hopefully they won’t keep bugging you, but it is direct enough that they, hopefully, won’t try to talk you out of it.

Fourth, while I definately think a line needs to be drawn, be sure to let him come around if he wants to. Maybe a kick in the pants is what he needs to get on board the wedding train. If this happens you may want to reconsider things. But if his attitude continues then you know you did the right thing.

Lastly, I know it’s so easy but try not to let the guilt get to you. You are not causing this situation. He is. He is choosing to push his brother away. It is very sad. It is not your fault.I hope he comes around. But do not let this ruin your wedding.


Post # 4
1570 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I don’t know what to say. I would have my brother as a groomsman if he was acting like this. I think Darling Husband would have his brother as a groomsman too even if he was going through a jerk phase. It sounds like before you came along your FI’s brother would have been in the running for such a position in his brother’s wedding. The whole situation is sad and I wouldn’t feel good about getting married this way. No matter who’s decision it is, I think the family will come to the conclusion that you’re the reason Future Brother-In-Law is not in the wedding party. If it were me in this situation I would sit down with Future Brother-In-Law and say, “Hey I love you like a brother and I want you to be an important part of our day”. Have you told him you feel like he doesn’t like you?  Maybe just ask him why? He’s young, sometimes when you’re that immature you just need to feel like you have a voice. I would have included my BIL even if he was acting like this.

Post # 6
3943 posts
Honey bee

I was your Fiance in this situation. My sister and I grew up close and I always imagined having her as my Maid/Matron of Honor. When I met my now husband she completely changed and said some horrible things that I still havent forgiven her for about my husband.

Long story short, my husband convinced me to have her in the wedding party anyways. I decided to have all bridesmaids (no MOH) and didn’t make mention of their “titles” in the program. Like you, I didnt want to draw attention to it and get the rumor mill started.

I think your Fiance will regret not having his brother be at least a groomsman.

The topic ‘(Long but I really need help!) Problems with FBIL’ is closed to new replies.

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