Post # 1
Ok ladies, I’ve been quiet for a pretty long time. Here’s my story as of now. We finally went ring shopping at the end of March where I found THE ONE in the first store we went to together (I had already been to multiple stores and websites without him). His main reaction to the ring was “wow, that’s a lot of money” but refused to give me an idea of what he was actually willing to spend if he thought that the one I found was too much money. Cue major meltdown from me after we went shopping. I was feeling like the ring was going to become a reason that we don’t get engaged, and if it was too expensive, why couldn’t he name his budget so that we could find something reasonable within whatever his budget is? All he said was that he wished he could afford it or an even bigger, better ring, but that a proposal would come before the end of the year. He said he was going to keep looking, but has no pics of the ring that I’m in love with (they’re on my phone), so I guess I don’t believe that. He doesn’t really shop around for anything.
So at that point, I just threw up the white flag. I’ve said nothing about getting engaged or married for more than 6 weeks. 2 days after the (embarrassing) meltdown, he asked me to take off work May 31 because he’s taking me somewhere. Now, LOGICALLY, I know that this shouldn’t be anything because he claimed he didnt have the money for the ring. But this day has 0 signifigance for us at all. Anyway, I guess I need ya’ll to tell me to have NO EXPECTATIONS for whatever this date is on Friday, because he’s given no hints about what it is we’re doing. But the timing is weird. Why plan a date for 6 weeks if this isn’t it? And, if this isn’t it, what is the point? I think I’ll be pretty irritated for taking the day off and kind of getting my hopes up, even though I’m trying SO HARD not to get excited (and succeeding at it). I wish there was a delicate way to say “hey man if this isn’t IT, let’s not plan dates 6 weeks in advance and try to surprise me” without sounding ungrateful. To be clear – I wouldn’t ever actually say it, but I think that if this isn’t a proposal, I might be disappointed. I just wish he understood how waiting and wondering feels. Does anyone else ever with they could say something like that to their SO?
Post # 3
@purpledaisies: Oh wow. I’m so sorry it’s so hard right now! I don’t think there’s any polite way to tell him not to plan surprise dates unless there’s a proposal. I’m going to tell you what everyone always says to waiting bees, but you gotta try to just enjoy the place you’re at now. I mean, yes… it sucks that you want to get engaged and it doesn’t seem like it’s going to happen soon. But in the meantime, you have a sweet boyfriend who wants to take you on a special date! Yay!
Post # 4
@purpledaisies: I think you just need to keep doing what you’re doing, honestly. Keep your expectations low. Is there anything wrong with having a fun long weekend away as a couple? No. Think of it that way. You will most likely be married one day, and you will look back and wonder why you were so desperate to get engaged. I know it’s hard. I too am waiting for my ring (but different circumstances). If it’s meant to be, you will be engaged by the end of the year. Almost half the year is done already.
Post # 5
@purpledaisies: is that a serious question o.O stop planning ‘mystery’ dates? Uh no. Be grateful and just go with the flow. No expectations.
I know the waiting can work a nerve but try not to let it Consume you. If it happens it happens.
Post # 6
I don’t want to sound unsympathetic to what you’re feeling. However, as a highly analytical person myself, I strongly encourage you to not do anything that may potentially ruin any surprise that he may be planning for you. I’ve seen too many threads where the bee tries too hard either to figure out what her SO is or is not doing or planning or where she tries too hard to overtly or covertly direct or prevent his actions. For your own sake as well as for your SO, please do not do that.
Post # 7
Relax, relax, relax! Try to focus on the joy of being surprised with the proposal rather than trying to anticipate it. I suppose the keyword there is “try”, lol.
Post # 8
If he won’t even tell you a budget for the ring and have an adult, mature conversation about it then chances are he is not about to propose. So I would keep expectations low, keep doing what you are doing and maybe re-visit the topic of budget, showing him rings you like etc. One hurdle at a time ykwim?
Post # 9
I totally would’ve said something (gently) to my (now) Fiance in that situation, but I tend to be a bit of a bull in a china shop that way. Grrr! I totally get your frustration!
But I don’t think my way is the best In this case. Just keep telling yourself that this is not it. Keep those expectations low for the date.
His comments from some men might indicate that he totally got that ring and is trying to trick you. I thought my Fiance was trying to trick me once, but he wasn’t and I was brutally disappointed.
It sounds like things are going in the right direction though! Just remember that. And try to have fun anyways! 🙂
Post # 10
@MexiPino: I actually am enjoying this time! I feel like once I had my meltdown and just stopped talking; I feel freer from the stress and anxiety!
you’re right; the year is flying by, and it seems like this month flew by. I just realized that this date is coming up already.
Only partially a serious question lol. I don’t really have any expectations, and I’m trying to go with the flow, but it gets old, ya know? 🙂
Thanks! I haven’t asked him for any hints at all. I don’t want to ruin a surprise if there is one, but I guess if there isn’t one, I’d rather know up front. Doesn’t make sense, I know!
LOL I am trying! I think I’m doing ok with being relaxed, that’s why I come here. Though I read another board recently about how girls anticipate their reaction to be when it happens, and this is something I worry about too!
We had a talk about the budget a few months before we went. He said it was 10K, and I said that was rediculous, but he just said to find something in that range and let him figure out the rest. So I tried to look for rings that were under 10K, which was easy. When we found the one I love, I thought he’d be happy that it was under the budget, though I actually have no clue how much it was because he sent me out of the store when him and the jeweler started talking money. But yeah, I guess if nothing happens soon, i’ll have to try again. Thanks for the insight.
Post # 11
What happens if you tell him to stop planning mystery dates and then one day he plans one. You will know exactly when he’s going to propose, where’s the fun in that?!
I really do understand your frustration because waiting is the worst! But, in this case I think you should just let him plan dates for you guys and be happy and grateful that he is
Post # 12
Well i am a bit differerent than most bees lol After months in the dark and a few disappointments, I got tired of it after one of those surprise special dates and told my SO to please not do that anymore. I just couldn’t keep feeling so left out about something so important. So i had a meltdown but to my utter surprise my SO admitted I was right and that he would not want to go through that either… It took a little while, but he finally offered me to pick a date for our engagement date and now I could not be happier because I got to be part of the process, we are looking forward to it together and I don’t get disappointed on special occasions anymore!!! And the date is coming fast now 🙂 I worked for us and he is really happy too. IMO both members of the couple should get to participate… But i know it is not for everybody but it is the only way for me! 🙂
Post # 13
@Fizzy8: yea there is a part of me that thinks he did get it, but im trying not to think about it
I know..i couldn’t ever say that to him. He LOVES surprising me, but I guess I just wish he’d get this show on the road! And I do totally appreciate the effort he puts into showing me a good time! It could be far worse!
I wish I could know the exact date, but hed never go for it! I look forward to reading your updates when you get your proposal!
Post # 14
@purpledaisies: You know, you just got me thinking that he will actually do something special lol! I was just so relieved to get the date, and a proposal was so not in my head (we don’t do that where I come from, couples just decide to get married and buy a engagement ring or just wedding bands). Anyway, now you reminded me that he is actually planning to do something special on that day lol! He is really a quiet and brainy guy, so I can’t picture him doing something like that haha! But he really wants to do it, so now I’m curious 🙂 Can’t wait also to hear that your SO finally suprised you the way he wants to!! Hope it is SOON! 😉
Post # 15
How do you know he didn’t order it and that’s when its supposed to come in? Maybe he is planning a propoal?
Post # 16
@LeonardLady: i like the way you think! youre right…i dont know what hes planning so it could be a proposal. and i guess if its not, i wont bother getting upset becsuse i shouldnt have been expecting it.