(Closed) Long, but please talk sense into me!

posted 4 years ago in Waiting
  • poll: Is there a polite way to ask SO to stop planning "mystery dates" if they're not involving a proposal
    Yes - please advise : (11 votes)
    13 %
    No - of course not, just be grateful he's taking you anywhere : (73 votes)
    87 %
  • Post # 3
    7272 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2015

    @purpledaisies:  Oh wow. I’m so sorry it’s so hard right now! I don’t think there’s any polite way to tell him not to plan surprise dates unless there’s a proposal. I’m going to tell you what everyone always says to waiting bees, but you gotta try to just enjoy the place you’re at now. I mean, yes… it sucks that you want to get engaged and it doesn’t seem like it’s going to happen soon. But in the meantime, you have a sweet boyfriend who wants to take you on a special date! Yay!

    Post # 4
    8044 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2013

    @purpledaisies:  I think you just need to keep doing what you’re doing, honestly. Keep your expectations low. Is there anything wrong with having a fun long weekend away as a couple? No. Think of it that way. You will most likely be married one day, and you will look back and wonder why you were so desperate to get engaged. I know it’s hard. I too am waiting for my ring (but different circumstances). If it’s meant to be, you will be engaged by the end of the year. Almost half the year is done already.

    Post # 5
    482 posts
    Helper bee

    @purpledaisies:  is that a serious question o.O stop planning ‘mystery’ dates? Uh no. Be grateful and just go with the flow. No expectations.

    I know the waiting can work a nerve but try not to let it Consume you. If it happens it happens.

    Post # 6
    11274 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: May 2009

    I don’t want to sound unsympathetic to what you’re feeling. However, as a highly analytical person myself, I strongly encourage you to not do anything that may potentially ruin any surprise that he may be planning for you. I’ve seen too many threads where the bee tries too hard either to figure out what her SO is or is not doing or planning or where she tries too hard to overtly or covertly direct or prevent his actions. For your own sake as well as for your SO, please do not do that.

    Post # 7
    263 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    Relax, relax, relax! Try to focus on the joy of being surprised with the proposal rather than trying to anticipate it. I suppose the keyword there is “try”, lol.

    Post # 8
    2867 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    If he won’t even tell you a budget for the ring and have an adult, mature conversation about it then chances are he is not about to propose. So I would keep expectations low, keep doing what you are doing and maybe re-visit the topic of budget, showing him rings you like etc. One hurdle at a time ykwim? 

    Post # 9
    1673 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    I totally would’ve said something (gently) to my (now) FI in that situation, but I tend to be a bit of a bull in a china shop that way. Grrr! I totally get your frustration!

    But I don’t think my way is the best In this case. Just keep telling yourself that this is not it. Keep those expectations low for the date.

    His comments from some men might indicate that he totally got that ring and is trying to trick you. I thought my FI was trying to trick me once, but he wasn’t and I was brutally disappointed.

    It sounds like things are going in the right direction though! Just remember that. And try to have fun anyways! 🙂

    Post # 11
    2494 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: July 2018

    What happens if you tell him to stop planning mystery dates and then one day he plans one. You will know exactly when he’s going to propose, where’s the fun in that?!

    I really do understand your frustration because waiting is the worst! But, in this case I think you should just let him plan dates for you guys and be happy and grateful that he is

    Post # 12
    367 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    Well i am a bit differerent than most bees lol After months in the dark and a few disappointments, I got tired of it after one of those surprise special dates and told my SO to please not do that anymore. I just couldn’t keep feeling so left out about something so important. So i had a meltdown but to my utter surprise my SO admitted I was right and that he would not want to go through that either… It took a little while, but he finally offered me to pick a date for our engagement date and now I could not be happier because I got to be part of the process, we are looking forward to it together and I don’t get disappointed on special occasions anymore!!! And the date is coming fast now 🙂 I worked for us and he is really happy too. IMO both members of the couple should get to participate… But i know it is not for everybody but it is the only way for me! 🙂

    Post # 14
    367 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    @purpledaisies:  You know, you just got me thinking that he will actually do something special lol! I was just so relieved to get the date, and a proposal was so not in my head (we don’t do that where I come from, couples just decide to get married and buy a engagement ring or just wedding bands). Anyway, now you reminded me that he is actually planning to do something special on that day lol! He is really a quiet and brainy guy, so I can’t picture him doing something like that haha! But he really wants to do it, so now I’m curious 🙂 Can’t wait also to hear that your SO finally suprised you the way he wants to!! Hope it is SOON! 😉

    Post # 15
    1510 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: December 2014

    How do you know he didn’t order it and that’s when its supposed to come in? Maybe he is planning a propoal?

    The topic ‘Long, but please talk sense into me!’ is closed to new replies.

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